After meeting the person we believe is the true love of our life, we hope that our family will accept them with open arms.
Even if our partners might have a personality or interests that differ considerably from our families, most of the time our family will make an effort to get along with them, because they know how important they are to us.
Not everyone is so lucky, however, and some find their families unable accept our relationships.
Often with no justifiable reason.
The family of Redditor babygreenbean1225 was planning a family vacation, which the original poster (OP) was looking forward to.
Things hit a snag, however, when the OP's mother lay down a condition for the vacation.
A condition the OP was unwilling to accept, leading her to consider skipping the vacation.
Wondering if she would be in the wrong for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not going on family vacation unless I can share a bed with my fiancé?"
The OP explained why they were considering skipping an upcoming family vacation:
"My brother and I started planning a family vacation; first one since 2019 that all the cousins (all adults. youngest is 24 years old) can go."
"We used to rent a large beach house every year, so we were looking at large Airbnbs that sleep everyone and splitting costs."
"On the initial call, my mom said she prefers that my fiancé (27 F[emale]) and (28F) not share a room."
"I told her that wasn’t going to happen."
"We’ve lived together for over two years, own a house together, and are getting married in 6 months (3 by the time of the trip)."
"We even went on a family cruise last year and no one had any issues with us sharing a room."
"For a couple weeks after that, we sent AirBnb options back and forth."
"No one brought up room arrangements again."
"Then today, my brother tells me that my mom had already booked a house."
"When I called her, she said my fiancé and I can either sleep in separate beds or find another place to stay."
"I asked her why she didn’t tell me earlier, and she said her original 'preference' was her way of communicating that."
"I told her that wasn’t a rule, it was a preference, and I had set a boundary."
"She said since she booked the house, she can treat it like her house and set the rules."
"I pointed out that we were paying our share (~$1200), so she doesn’t get to control our sleeping arrangements."
"She said we can still pay, but we are not sharing a bed there."
"Now the cheapest option is a nearby hotel (~$1500), which means no kitchen and driving back and forth every day."
"That’s a completely different (and more expensive) vacation than what we agreed to."
"The only reason I’m even considering going is for my special needs brother, who is really excited about this trip."
"Otherwise I’d just skip it."
"My fiancé is willing to sleep separately for his sake, but I’m struggling to give in, especially since my parents don’t support our relationship and might not even come to our wedding."
"I feel stuck between paying more and giving in to my mom’s control."
"I know my dad, aunt, and grandma share the same beliefs as my mom, so I feel alone in this."
"AITA if I refuse to go unless we can share a room?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for boycotting her family vacation.
Everyone agreed that the OP should not go on the vacation, feeling that if her family couldn't accept her relationship, then she needed to distance herself from them, and this vacation was a good place to start that distance:
"NTA."
"I wouldn’t go."
"This is some weird power trip your mom is trying to pull."
"I wouldn’t shell out $1200 of my money to sleep separately from my fiancé."
"You’ve stated that they don’t support your relationship with the person that you will literally be spending the rest of your life with."
"This is just one of many times they will try to separate you two or exclude your fiancé."
"Choose your partner and your peace."- Ok_Hour9037NTA.
"Don't go."
"You live with this person."
"I'm from a conservative area, so I understand the pressure."
"If you let her control you as an adult, she will keep trying."
"I'd tell my mom, no deal."
"I'm not paying, and I'm not going."
"Then find a nice getaway for you and your fiancé, or save that money for the honeymoon."- Curious_Owl78
"NTA."
“'Her house, her rules' only applies if she’s paying for all of it, and even then you can still opt out of being in that house."
"This is about more than a one-time sleeping arrangement."
"You said your family doesn’t support your relationship and might not even attend the wedding, so it’s pretty clear that they’re homophobic."
"Don’t subject your fiancée to further homophobia from your family even if she’s willing to do it to keep the peace."
"Find another way to spend time with your brother separately from this vacation."
"If you give in this time, it’ll teach your mom that she can keep doing this to you and you’ll fold."
"Stand your ground and enforce your boundaries."- lefrench75
"NTA."
"Options:"
"Don't go."
"Message cousins & siblings saying you're sorry that you can't make it, and it's because of mom making you uncomfortable and you're not going to pay for a trip where you're being controlled by mom."
"Go."
"Sleep together."
"What is she going to do?"
"Pull you out of the room?"
"Text all the fam you're close with in advance and explain the issue and say 'We're going, we're staying together, she'll probably pitch a fit, but it's happening'."
"Go, but rent something else nearby and be okay with the slightly increased cost."
"TBH, if other family knows your not coming, it'll increase their cost as well, and that backlash may force your mom's hand."
"DO NOT GO AND NOT SLEEP TOGETHER."
"It is very, very important that your mom does not get her way here."
"She needs to learn that she does not get to control the actions of other adults, and her personal issues are not your problem."-Anon_please123
"NTA."
"This reeks of homophobia."
"I'm so sorry."
"I'd take the money you were spending on this family vacation and put it towards your honeymoon."- Positive-Ad5082
"NTA."
"Don’t go."
"Plan a different trip with your brother and don’t include your mom."- Katerh
"No way I'd go."
"Tell her you aren't going and they'll have to split the cost between the people who are going."
"NTA."- DazzlingPotion
"If you're paying for your own accommodation, you shouldn't be subject to your mother's 'preference'."
"Without the emotional involvement you have, I would opt out of the holiday completely."
"There's no fair solution, and it would send a message to your mother."
"But I understand you want to attend for your brother's benefit."
"If you go, I would pay more and have my own accommodation."
"Giving in to this 'preference' while paying the financial cost is ridiculous!"
"NTA."
"For refusing to go unless you share a room."- tinyd71
"I would not go."
"If your mother has so much against your relationship, the trip will suck anyway."
"Talk to your brother and tell him why you won't participate."
"Can you take him on another get-away?"
"NTA."- Quick-Possession-245
"NTA."
"Don’t go on the trip and don’t invite your homophobe mom to your wedding."
"Playing neutral with her is showing her that being homophobic isn’t a dealbreaker for you when it absolutely should be."- Bittybellie
"Don’t pay, don’t go."
"NTA."
"Your mom sucks."- FatFaceFaster
"NTA. Just don't go."
"Your mum said it's her way or no way."
"I would personally choose no way, especially given that the whole situation is completely avoidable."- Hexas87
"Go big or go home."
"Tell your mother you won’t be coming on the trip if you are being so utterly disrespected."
"Then mention that you are reconsidering whether anyone who has so thoroughly disrespected your relationship should be invited to your wedding."
"I’d play hardball and demand the respect you deserve, and spell out to your mother the damage she will do to your relationship and her future involvement in your life if this is her hill to die on."
"You let her win, you let her control you and I promise it will never end."
"NTA."- westwestmoreland
It seems pretty clear that it's not the old-fashioned idea of sharing a bed before marriage that is rubbing the OP's mother the wrong way.
Rather, the OP's mother would clearly rather not have the OP's fiancée on that vacation at all.
The OP has found herself in a situation no one should ever find themselves in.
Even so, when anybody, including family, can't love you for who you are, it's best to keep your distance from those people.
