Global credit card debt levels have reached near historic highs, driven by interest rates, persistent inflation, and elevated costs of living. In the United States alone, credit card balances total about $1.26 trillion according to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York.
Keeping credit card spending to a minimum, preferably at a level that can be paid off each month, is the best strategy to minimize debt and avoid interest charges. But that can be difficult when someone else has access to a person's credit card information.
A man in the United Kingdom turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback over his significant others credit card spending habits.
Ok-Dingo6520 asked:
"AITAH for asking for money back after my partner used my card to order Uber Eats daily for the past couple of weeks?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So a few weeks back I (36, male) deleted my credit card from the Uber Eats account my partner (36, female) uses. To cut to the chase, the spending was too much. Around £30 (~$40 USD) a time almost every weekday."
"I told her I couldn’t afford to be paying so much every month—over £600 (~$800 USD)—and would be deleting my card from the account."
"Yesterday I got my latest credit card statement and noticed that she had re-added my card and there was a whole bunch of transactions to Uber Eats."
"I checked the actual Uber Eats account and there’s pretty much McDonald’s orders every day of around £30 (~$40 USD) going back to the day after I had removed my card."
"It has already been brought up by doctor & family that she needs to make big changes to her diet. I’ve been trying to be supportive but it’s things like this that make me think her family/friends are right."
"I’ve told her that I expect to be transferred the entirety in time for the payment to be made on the 20th."
"She’s saying I’m being unreasonable and that I can just pay the minimum payment."
"For clarity, she works from home, I don’t. So, by the time I get back there’s no packaging/evidence to indicate any deliveries have been made."
Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"She is stealing from you. I would be leaving her and not just asking for the money back. NTA." ~ MadCow113
"He has to break up with her. she has no respect for him. doing something so blatantly, where she knowns she'll be caught but dosent' care." ~ Rare-Ad9392
"She has no respect for herself, either. 'Just pay the minimum' means she doesn't know anything about personal finances and doesn't care about her own future." ~ prove____it
"Or... She does know about personal finances and is just fine with screwing OP over because she doesn't plan to be with him long term." ~ PettyYetiSpaghetti
"Really. This is just straight up theft. Even more blatant because she knew she would get caught." ~ Small-Tax-2829
"Time to report that card as lost or stolen along with every other card she has ever had access to.You two want to have a big talk about money, this is the kind of thing that ends relationships."
"NTA, she shouldn't treat you like an ATM. Honestly, I would just break up with somebody who blatantly stole from me like this." ~ Anonymous_Sad_Person
"Report the card lost and have them send you a new one, do NOT give her access to the new card. You also either need to get couples counseling or end the relationship. What she did crossed so many boundaries." ~ Then-Chocolate-5191
"Dude—'reevalute'‽‽"
"If stealing from you, lying, ignoring you, FRIENDS WANT AN INTERVENTION, and frankly terrible taste in take-out isn't enough, I am not sure what it would take for you to wake up and smell the McCoffee."
"She doesn't respect you, likely doesn't respect herself AND is presumably now the size of a moderately proportioned house."
"WTF‽‽ Get out now." ~ trombing
"You want to be supportive to …. What exactly? She doesn’t think she has a problem at all. She legit stole from you. She knew what she was doing."
"Sounds like she has an addiction. Those are hard to break and keep broken, any cigarette smoker or gambling addict can tell you that. Can you support her through that?"
"Yeah, people do all the time. But she needs to see that there is a real problem that has crossed the line from eating a lot to addiction, and to want help for that." ~ mugglemomma31
"Since she doesn’t seem to care about the quality of the food she eats and won’t make her own meals, she could pick up frozen meals when you grocery shop. £30 at McDonalds is criminal!"
"Oh, and break up with her. You deserve to be treated with respect. Full stop." ~ conceptress
"She stole your credit card. I’d be breaking up AND calling police. Red flag dude." ~ OriginalDanBlah
"Once she re-added the card behind his back and started hiding the trash, it crossed way past taking advantage straight into theft territory." ~ Dismal-Lead-6412
"A red flag is an indicator of a problem. Its a warning. This isn't a warning, its a literal crime." ~ Ctowncreek
"NTA—you need to cancel your current card (the one that she knows the number for) and get a new one that she DOESN’T have access to. She deliberately re-added your card after you removed it from the account and is refusing to repay what she spent…you have a bigger issue than the Uber Eats spending if she feels this entitled to your income & expects you to cover expenses you haven’t agreed to pay for." ~IceRose81
"Do you really want to live like that for the rest of your life? Having to hide your credit cards so she doesn’t use them?" ~username__0000
"Also, her telling you to just make the minimum payment? This is not somebody that you want to be financially tied to. She doesn't understand how credit cards work." ~RandomDent6x7
"£200 a week on McDonalds that she’s stealing from you—there’s obviously much bigger problems at play here." ~ConstantTechnician70
"NTA. I’m so sorry your patience and kindness was taken advantage of. To be honest she knew you’d see the card statements and that you’d know she’s still using your card. So, she just didn’t care that you said to stop. She didn’t care that you’d find out. That should tell you everything." ~housatonicduck
"This is relationship ending. It's actual theft. Never mind the disrespect, ignoring boundaries, etc... NTA." ~Probably_Fine_
"Definitely NTA. She is literally stealing from you. Using your money without your consent is already something to be concerned about. If that is what she does with you money wise, what else is she capable in doing?"
"In relationships, trust is a big deal. You can't have a proper relationship is one side cannot be trusted at all." ~ bearyintenseIII
OP provided an update:
"So today is the 20th, and the day I need to pay the bill."
"Unfortunately, after a reminder text on Friday, I’ve still not been paid."
"I’ve since asked her to leave as it’s my house and I’ll be returning there after work."
"Her family reluctantly have agreed to let her stay there temporarily."
"I called to ask about reporting it as theft, but was pretty much told that due to lack of evidence that I restricted her using the card, it’ll be most likely considered a civil matter."
"I did expect this, to be honest."
"My colleague went by my house earlier and said her car is gone, so I’ll be going back in a few hours and intend to change the locks."
"I have managed to arrange for the new card to be delivered to the bank branch instead of my address and the new digital version has completely different numbers this time."
"I’ve been advised to run a full report just to make sure no accounts have been opened in my name. The person I spoke to on the phone said my replacement card will be a Visa Credit instead of MasterCard, so from a completely new issuer with new details. Said it would be the equivalent of having a new account, just with the same balance, interest rates applied."
"They made it sound a bit like a balance transfer, but all under the one bank instead of to a new company. But yeah, I appreciate your advice and will double check everything."
"You’re right. It has made me reevaluate things and my own role here. I’m obviously feeling hurt and probably being overly harsh, but she does come across as selfish when I look back."
"Thank you for understanding that it’s not as black and white as some might think. But yeah, I am really starting to reevaluate things."
"There comes a point where I need to look after myself. I’m just not good at being ruthless/selfish."
OP set a firm boundary. Their partner chose to ignore it.
Now she's paying the consequences of her actions.
