There are certain boundaries we never want to cross with our friends.
That might include not dating them or asking them for money or any other activity that would make us uncomfortable or force us to view them differently.
But even if one of those boundaries were to be crossed, that doesn’t necessarily mean we would need therapy to get past it, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor bzbxvi finally had to speak out against his friend after she repeatedly told him she needed therapy because of him.
After seeing her reaction to this, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he should have been more empathetic.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my friend she’s pathetic for needing therapy?”
The OP was recently walked in on by his friend.
“My friend (20 [Female]) walked in on me (20 [Male]) in the bathroom when I was standing there naked after just getting out of the shower.”
“She saw me and stood there for like 10 seconds, then screamed and slammed the door back shut.”
His friend considered therapy after that.
“Her other friend (21 [Female]) told me that she’s thinking of seeking therapy because she saw my d**k and ‘seeing an unwanted d**k is traumatic.'”
The OP was annoyed.
“To this, I said that I’m the victim here. Maybe I’m traumatized by her seeing me.”
“And I added, if she’s traumatized by seeing a body part, that’s just pathetic.”
“So now they both say I’m the AH.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the friend of a friend was creating drama on purpose.
“I agree, but also, if I told my friend ‘I walked in on this guy naked, and I’m feeling really weird and stressed about it for some reason, so I think I should unpack that in therapy,’ and my friend took it upon herself to tell the guy, ‘Your d**k made her need therapy!,’ I would be pretty p**sed off at that friend!”
“I think other friend may be the true villain here!” – Extension_Ad_972
“It doesn’t change the ruling here, but I think the mutual friend is an AH. Seems like she was told something in confidence about trauma and therapy, and decided to use it to attack someone.” – LorienLady
“We are missing a TON of context. She may not even be blaming him.”
“The friend playing the telephone game here seems to be stirring up drama.”
“This friend is determining the wording that each of them hear from the other. Who wants to bet that the message is being delivered in the worst possible context to each of them.” – Nothingtoseehere066
“Meh, my wife walked into a Starbucks bathroom that wasn’t locked and saw a man waggling his d**k around. She has sexual trauma and it was triggering for her.”
“Sometimes mistakes happen. Sometimes people don’t lock doors. A closed door does not always mean locked or occupied, especially in older buildings.”
“This is such a silly situation in that, no OP isn’t the a**hole. But having a trauma response doesn’t make her an a**hole either.”
“The only might be a**hole is the friend who told OP.” – sa5m_i_am
Others said it was the woman’s fault for opening the door without knocking.
“You’re forgetting that SHE opened the door and walked in on him. As soon as you don’t respect the privacy of a closed bathroom door, everything that follows is your problem.”
“The correct judgement is NTA for this one, although it is sad she is so messed up from the past.” – Highest-Adjudicator
“If you are at work, and the bathroom door is closed, do you assume nobody is in there and walk in?”
“No, of course not, because polite society knows that if the door is closed, you….. knock.”
“This is literally something we teach in kindergarten, if not at home prior to schooling.” – _thegrringirl
“He’d just gotten out of the shower. If you hear a shower running, then stop, and the bathroom door is closed, it’s reasonable to believe there’s someone in the bathroom.”
“If you accidentally open the door on someone, the correct response is, ‘Oops, sorry!’ and closing the door, not standing pointedly staring, and then screaming when the person thus invaded doesn’t act embarrassed enough.” – MariaInconnu
Some pointed out the woman could be dealing with triggered past trauma.
“Seeing a body part unexpectedly is not by itself traumatic for most people.”
“If she needs therapy, it probably isn’t your fault. Seeing you naked may have triggered some traumatic memories from an event in her life.”
“There isn’t a reason to be upset with her for you, or for her to be upset with you.”
“Empathy is key. Understand that most likely she has experienced abuse and discussing that with you to clear the air isn’t necessary.”
“You didn’t traumatize her by existing and having a penis, but someone else might have.”
“Both OP and F had normal and understandable reactions that weren’t their best selves out of fear/defense.”
“This was a messy, accidental, and emotionally charged situation for everyone involved. No blame. No AH.” – Sensitive_Builder847
“NTA. Assuming the door was shut, there’s a reasonable expectation of privacy.”
“Also, for most people, it’d probably be more traumatic to have someone walk-in on them while they’re naked than to walk-in on someone that’s naked.”
“Have they even stopped to consider how you might be feeling about the whole thing? (Again, all this assumes OP had reasonable expecting of privacy…)”
“People saying she may have been trigger due to past trauma. Fair enough, but then she needs therapy for unresolved prior incident(s) that have nothing to do with OP.”
“To say say she needs therapy bc she walked in on OP naked makes it sound as if OP is the villain, as if he’s the cause of her trauma. This could ruin his reputation.”
“If she’s been abused in the past, she has my sympathies, but it’s no excuse to treat/imply OP was in the wrong.” – Fallenangel1025
“I’ve been on her side and the incident was 100% an accident, but it triggered a painful memory that took weeks to recover from.”
“Empathy went a long way in my situation. In my case they even went about finding ways to avoid the incident occurring in the future and that meant so much to me.” – EmmAquarius
Though the OP could have probably phrased his response slightly better, the subReddit agreed that he did nothing wrong by taking a shower and being offended by what the meddling friend said.