As we grow up, we all go through some changes, learn some new things about ourselves, and find ways to improve ourselves and grow. This might involve what we want to do for a career, what our sexual orientation actually is, and countless other characteristics.
But we shouldn’t be surprised if some people don’t want to stick around while we change and while we figure things out, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor CanItBeTrue-OrNot was shocked when her boyfriend returned home from a work trip and admitted that he had cheated on her with a man, but said that he did not have a choice because of the “high altitude.”
As much as she didn’t want the relationship to end, the Original Poster (OP) knew that she needed to leave her boyfriend so that he could figure out what he wanted, high altitude or not.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for not believing my boyfriend that he ‘suddenly became gay’ due to ‘the altitude difference’ when he was on a work trip in Utah?”
The OP received some shocking information while her boyfriend was on a work trip.
“I can hardly believe that I am writing this or that it happened, but I am and it did so here we go.”
“I (28 Female) have been with my boyfriend (29 Male) for three years.”
“Every now and then, he has to go to Utah for a few days because his team has a customer service branch that operates out there.”
“During the latest trip, I got a text from one of his coworkers who has become a friend of ours and it said that on the trip my boyfriend cheated on me with some guy on the customer care team.”
“I did not believe it at first. Because first of all my boyfriend has always identified as straight. And second of all, I just couldn’t believe it.”
Her boyfriend’s explanation for cheating was even more shocking.
“When he got home, I asked him about it, basically expecting him to confirm it was nonsense.”
“Instead, he got real quiet and had us sit down and said he had to tell me something.”
“He said it was true, he did have a ‘one night stand’ with a guy.”
“I couldn’t believe it. I asked him if he was telling me he was gay? Or bisexual? And regardless cheating is cheating.”
“He insisted he was not gay at all but that ‘the strangest thing happened’ on the trip. He said that when he was at dinner with his Utah coworkers, he ‘suddenly became gay.'”
“I was like… what? What the f**k does that mean?”
“He said he thinks it was ‘due to the altitude.'”
The OP couldn’t believe that her boyfriend expected her to believe this.
“I was like, ‘You’re f**king with me, right?'”
“But he said after he had done it with this guy, he got really confused as to how ‘all of the sudden he was gay.’ He said that higher altitudes can have an impact on how people think, and on their emotions, and he thinks that the high altitude made him gay, temporarily.”
“He said that as soon as he landed back home he was ‘back to being straight.'”
“I was like, did he get drugged or something? But he said that was not possible, they were always in a group at dinner which is when he ‘became gay’ and was only alone with the guy afterwards.”
“He said he had done a lot of thinking on the drive back from the airport and he ‘confirmed within himself that he is straight’ and that his ‘only conclusion’ could be that he was ‘temporarily turned gay due to the attitude.'”
The OP decided the relationship was over, but her boyfriend begged her to understand.
“I was like, ‘Whatever, I guess we are breaking up.’ He looked at me confused.”
“I was like, ‘Gay or not, you did cheat on me.'”
“He said it wasn’t his fault and that ‘human actions are just a byproduct of accidental brain chemistry’ and that ‘his chemistry had been altered, through no fault of his own, due to the higher altitudes of Utah.'”
“He said he ‘couldn’t believe’ I would blame him for something ‘medical and scientific’ that was out of his control. He really looked bewildered that I was angry about this.”
“I don’t know; maybe he’s convincing and I’m a rube; but I am starting to wonder if I am overreacting.”
“Like…I know it sounds insane, but IS it possible to accidentally change your sexual orientation due to emotional changes brought on by altitude? Is that possible?”
“And if it is, am I overreacting? Should I throw away a three-year relationship for this? He’s acting like I’m being rude and weird.”
“I’m confused.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some hoped her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend’s cover story wasn’t fooling the OP.
“I’ve been to Utah a ton… and I haven’t felt the slightest change in sexuality. You realize that he’s feeding you a crock of s**t, right?”
“Okay. Just wanted to be sure everyone was on the same page. Now to deal with the aliens and their brain-waves beamed into my eyeballs…” – Nucf1ash
“Let’s pause logic for a moment and say that altitude could make someone temporarily gay, that still doesn’t excuse the conscious choice to have sex with someone and cheat on your partner, regardless of gender. If you can’t help turning gay, you can still control where your d*ck does or doesn’t go.”
“He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his actions because he would have to acknowledge that he cheated. Also, I think he’s trying to rationalize this whole experience because he hasn’t come to terms that he’s either gay or bi.”
“NTA.” – False_Dimension9212
“Her boyfriend has been out there multiple times, and it’s just this one time he got… altitude gayness? Or was this just his first opportunity to sleep with someone?” – kafquaff
“Even if it were possible, and it’s not. He’s telling you that he can’t help but cheat on you because ‘human actions are just a byproduct of accidental brain chemistry.'”
“Even if he’s not into dudes anymore, there’s plenty of girls he can cheat with because, by his own admission, he can’t control himself when he’s attracted to someone. NTA.” – Catisbackthatsafact
“This is about as ridiculous as Elon’s baby momma saying she became less gay after having kids. Orientation doesn’t change like that.”
“I get there is a spectrum for orientation, and people can be gay, bi, pan, etc, but it doesn’t randomly go from straight to gay and back to straight due to an altitude change. Altitude can affect reproductive function, but not your orientation.”
“OP, what he said, it’s NOT true. Your boyfriend cheated and most likely is bi or has been living a closeted life. His explanation doesn’t make what he did okay.”
“Also, he goes to Utah regularly, so now every time he goes, you can expect him to become gay, unable to control himself and cheat? Then when he’s home, will he become straight again? Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.”
“Either way, even IF his ridiculous argument was valid, it does not matter. He can control himself around other people and doesn’t cheat when at home with women (well, maybe he does, and you just haven’t found out). It’s not like all of a sudden, being gay MADE him cheat. That was a conscious decision. He broke your trust and exposed you to possible STDs. Get tested and move on.” – trvllvr
Others argued the boyfriend should be single while he figured out his orientation.
“‘Human actions are just a byproduct of accidental brain chemistry’… In that case, the OP breaking up with him is just a byproduct of her brain chemistry, and there’s nothing she can do about it, so he’ll just need to suck it up.” – Ravenser_Odd
“The veracity of his claims of temporary gayness isn’t really the issue. The issue is that he thinks it is okay that he ‘turned gay,’ and he offered no plans to go to the doctor to treat this particular altitude sickness. He’ll go back to Utah and sleep with that guy again because he ‘can’t help it.'”
“He doesn’t want to help it. He wants to sleep with men. He will never stop sleeping with men. Leave now.” – violetauto
“I bet he says the same thing when he travels anywhere without op. Oh, it’s low elevation, the sunshine, the clouds, darkness, someone spoke Spanish, and he was shocked to find a c**k in his mouth.”
“He’s just bi or gay and isn’t ready to face it and expects the OP to go along for the ride.” – kradaan
“NTA. You can’t possibly believe his craziness. Block him and move on. He’s gay.”
“He’s trying to guilt you into staying with him because he’s buried in the closet.”
“I have met some people who will really come up with insane sh*t and try to act like you’re the crazy one because you don’t believe it. Lol (laughing out loud), I can see them trying to pull something like this.” – Fredredphooey
“To be fair, he could be bi and trying to deny it to himself.”
“Regardless, I think that she should move on from this confirmed cheater and potentially confused dude. Nothing good lies ahead for her while he figures it out.” – ArcticPangolin3
After reading all of the comments, the OP knew what she needed to do.
“I don’t know. I have read a lot of comments (almost all of them), and it turns out there is, in general, a consensus that this is not true.”
“I knew it the entire time. In my head, I just let my heart give me doubts.”
“I know I sound absurd in my post questioning if it was really possible. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to accept it. Now I do.”
“I met my boyfriend just this afternoon. He acted like nothing was abnormal. I told him it was over.”
“He acted like I thought he was joking. I said, come on, he cheated on me.”
“He said he couldn’t believe I was blaming him for it. ‘It was the altitude!’ He kept saying it. Seriously, he said it about 15 times in a row. ‘It was the altitude! I said it was the altitude!’ He was insistent.”
“I told him it didn’t matter if the altitude made him gay. He still had a choice to not cheat on me. He accused me of being a big*t!”
“I said, it’s over. I left.”
“He has texted me many times, claiming that he was only temporarily and unwillingly gay due to the altitude. He is sticking to this story to the end.”
“Well, I am going to block him! And that’s that.”
The subReddit could not believe the story that the OP’s ex-boyfriend tried to give her to justify his cheating on her during her work trip. It was clear that he needed to figure some things out about himself, and the OP did not have to stick around and get hurt while he sought answers.