Sometimes, people like pretty odd pets.
Redditor Odd-King3931’s brother-in-law is one of those people.
The Original Poster (OP)’s sister married a man whose fur babies are less fur and more exoskeleton.
Yep, OP’s BIL is a spider guy.
This recently became an issue for the OP due to his wife’s deep fear of spiders and his sister’s family’s need for somewhere to stay.
Ultimately, the OP tried to compromise but instead found himself being accused of being an a**hole.
This drove him to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
He asked:
“AITA for saying my sister’s family can’t temporarily move in with me and my wife due to their ‘pets’?”
He went on to explain:
“I [30-year-old male] have been married to my wife ‘Naomi’ [29-year-old female] for 3 years, but have been together for over 10 years and we are expecting our first child together.”
“Naomi is currently 6.5 months pregnant, and I’m not going to lie, but her pregnancy is considered high risk, and our doctor advised her to avoid any stressful situations because of it.”
“About 6 months ago, my sister ‘Kate’ [38-year-old female] bought a newly built house with her husband Bob [40-year-old male]…”
“…so they can accommodate all my nephews who are [17-year-old male], [15-year-old female], [7-year-old female] and twins that are 14 months old.”
“Their house has 6 bedrooms, and an extra bedroom is used as Bob’s hobby room. Bob is a lot into insects and spiders, so he has a few tarantulas, cockroaches etc.”
“Now to the issue. The latest survey has discovered that Kate’s house is not safe to live in due to some construction issues.”
“I don’t know why it hasn’t been picked up earlier, but now they have nowhere to live…”
“…and have started a legal battle against the company responsible for building the house to get their money back.”
“Currently they can not afford to buy another house or rent as prices for the places for rent are way too high in their area.”
“Due to this my sister has asked me if they can temporarily move in with me and Naomi, since Naomi inherited a large house from her parents…”
“…(it is an older Victorian house that still requires a lot of work; so far, we have only replaced all the windows to keep the warmth in).”
“The house has enough space for my sister and her family, and I said they can move in with us as long as they don’t bring their tarantulas and other insects with them…”
“…as my wife is terrified of spiders (to the point of passing out or having a severe panic attack, and Bob has them escaping frequently).”
“Bob refused. This resulted in a massive argument where I was called an a**hole for not providing my sister and her family with accommodation at the time of need over some spiders.”
“edit: as this has been mentioned a few times, i have asked my wife and have spoken to her about my sister staying over and it was her choice to agree as long as there was no spiders.”
“I haven’t made the decision myself without asking for her opinion first”
“edit 2: i have seen a lot of people recommending my wife to go to therapy over her fear of spiders. she is in therapy for it however it is a bit complicated…”
“…as one of her family members passed away due to complications caused by a spider bite while they were on holiday. I hope this explains why her fear is as severe as it is.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA. If Bob’s priority is his cockroaches and not his kids, that is on him. You absolutely provided an option.”
“Tell your sister that she and her kids can still move in if they want, and Bob can sort him and his bugs out on his own.”
“It is absolutely fine to have boundaries and rules in place when you help someone out like this. If they do move in, you really should make sure to set firm guidelines for living together.”
“If Bob is going to act like this over what, to me, is a very obvious concession he would have to make while looking for this type of help…”
“…then you need to have a really transparent conversation about what is and isn’t acceptable, and what house rules you have that would be dealbreakers…”
“…since you and your wife would be in the minority in the household, and there’s a good chance you could lose control of things in a way that could be damaging to your relationships…”
“…your marriage and your sanity. The first thing I would do is find out exactly what the construction issues are and how realistic the legal battle is…”
“…and what their financial plan is to get into their own place and how they are going to be contributing financially while they live with you…”
“…so you can make sure you aren’t just opening your door to their move in forever.” – kittygattochat
“NTA. It’s your house, you can set whatever conditions you want on it, and, considering your wife’s fears, no spiders is entirely reasonable.”
‘“Your sister and her family need to understand that they are not in a position to make demands at this point…”
“…that big house or not, that being willing to take in all those people for an indeterminate amount of time (even without the spiders) when your wife is expecting is incredibly generous.” – bamf1701
“‘I was called an a**hole for not providing my sister and her family with accommodation at the time of need over some spiders’”
“NTA. Turn it around. They refused accommodation at time of need over some spiders.”
“Also, it’s way cheaper to rent a single-room apartment to house the spiders than a place that can accommodate seven people.”
“You’re already being generous allowing them all to move in sans spiders.” – extinct_diplodocus
“This Christ some people are colossally stupid.”
“Who the hell builds a 6-person house, has 5 children, but doesn’t have an emergency fund should something go wrong? If you can’t afford an emergency, you can’t afford to build a home.”
“We have a 2-month-old, my partner was high risk as well, and keeping stress to a minimum was beyond critical.”
“Moving seven people in your house, two babies, and a bunch of f*cking bugs is NOT stress-free. And then they call you an AH just because you didn’t want f*cking cockroaches in your home.”
“This sh*t genuinely pisses me off, and I don’t even know you.”
“If he wanted cockroaches he could have been a bit more financially responsible.”
“NTA NTA NTA” – Solid_Internal_9079
“Well, I guess they must not be that desperate if old Bob refuses to rehome his pets.”
“Let me get this straight, but they are in dire circumstances, homeless, but this is the hill Bob wants to die on. “
“‘For not providing my sister and her family with accommodation…’ you ARE offering accommodation, but they aren’t willing to accept it. “
“They have choices:”
“Temporarily rehome the insects. Bob lives in his car with his insects They all live in a car with their insects…”
“…They convince someone else to be kind enough to take in a family of 7 PLUS an insect collection (I wish them luck with this one)…”
“That’s some big clangers on Bob. He’s asking you for a huge solid and thinks he can dictate the terms.”
“Kind of makes you wonder what they’d be like as house guests if they were this a**hole before moving in.”
“Share with Bob a saying my dad used to tell us kids (greatest dad ever BTW, just funny as hell, Irish with a colorful way of expressing himself…)…”
“…’‘you can wish in one hand and take a sh*t in the other and see which one gets full first…’”
“I understand that pets are important. But so is family. His pets don’t take precedence over your wife.”
“That woman is a saint to even consider taking in that many people even without the pets. “ – Salt-Lavishness-7560
“NTA – They’re being choosing beggars and you can set any guidelines or boundaries you want.”
“You do not have to make any compromises. That is on them. If they want to accept your generosity (might I say, you are very generous for this)…”
“…then they have to get rid of the spiders or put them up somewhere else temporarily while they live with you.”
“Add in the fact that your wife is pregnant, you need to stand your ground on this. Take it or leave it.” – Mobzil
“Good for you for prioritizing your wife. Most people fear spiders and tarantulas.”
“If they are known for letting the insects escape, your sweet wife would be beside herself and probably never sleep again. Especially once your baby arrives.”
“Aside from the insects, I’m shocked at your over the top generosity for being willing to welcome 7 people into your home while also expecting a new baby.”
“Plus, insurance typically covers a rental/hotel when things like this happen. So I don’t know why you are expected to house them all.”
“Seems like you’ve dodged a bullet here. Shut down the conversation asap and consider revoking the offer.”
“Sorry not sorry for them. Because…. doctor’s orders.” – sewingmomma
Verdict: Not The A**hole.
What would you do in this situation? Let us know in the comments below.