A happy household is one where chores are shared equitably, and one person is not responsible for all the cooking and cleaning.
Of course, some people can’t stand being in a dirty home or surrounded by a mess, so they might bear the brunt of it themselves.
But no one in a shared home should ever EXPECT someone to take care of all household duties.
As there is no better guarantee for an unhappy home.
A recent Redditor’s husband expected her to be in charge of a piece of his medical equipment.
An expectation he had on top of the original poster (OP) taking care of just about all other household duties without any help from her husband.
When this same piece of equipment ended up getting damaged, the OP’s husband felt she was entirely to blame, and there needed to be consequences.
Resulting in the OP finally finding the courage to stand up to her husband.
Worried she may have been in the wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to take care of my husband’s medical equipment.”
The OP explained what finally proved to be the tipping point in her household arrangement with her husband:
“So my husband (42 M[ale]) and I (41 F[emale]) are having a disagreement.”
“Here’s the situation: he uses a CPAP machine at night.”
“He’s had it for 15 years and never puts it away in the morning.”
“He has decided that it’s my responsibility to take care of it and prevent the children or our pets from touching it.”
“He says it’s unreasonable for him to put it away every morning, even though there are many many things the kids and I use and put away every single day.”
“He insists that other things of his be left where it’s convenient for himself even if it makes life harder for the rest of us (example he will leave his shoes under the kitchen table and tells me that I should just not clean the floor there at all so his shoes don’t get moved) he goes to great lengths to make life easier for himself even if that means putting more difficulty on me and our children.”
“Last night our cat got into our bedroom and chewed on the hose for his CPAP.”
“I didn’t know it till we went to bed and husband freaked out.”
“He demanded to know why I wasn’t watching his CPAP and why I had ‘let’ it get ruined.”
“Then he decided he wants to lock me and the kids out of our bedroom when he leaves for work every morning.”
“I said absolutely not.”
“Our second bathroom is only accessible thru the bedroom, all my own things are in the bedroom and that would leave me with out access to any of my things during the day unless I cleared everything out of my room and the second bathroom (which is also where I keep my makeup and other personal items) which to me seems totally unreasonable I told him he should put away his CPAP every morning.”
“He says that it’s unreasonable for him to remember to do such an annoying task and that he shouldn’t have to put anything he owns away.”
“I really feel like he should be responsible for his own things and that it is unreasonable for him to lock me out of my own room.”
“So am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to take care of her husband’s CPAP machine.
What’s more, almost everyone agreed that the OP’s husband was controlling and borderline abusive, and urged the OP to seriously consider getting out of this marriage.
“The fact that you even have to ask means he has you worn down and I bet there are dozens more examples of how he expects everyone in that house to cater to him and only him.”
“What are you getting out of this?”
“NTA.”- KetoLurkerHereAgain
“NTA.”
“Your husband is a grown man, and his CPAP is his responsibility.”
“It’s not fair for him to expect you to babysit his stuff while he refuses to do a simple daily task.”
“Locking you and the kids out of the bedroom is just plain selfish and controlling—it’s your space too!”
“He needs to take care of his own things instead of making life harder for everyone else.”
“‘Buddy, you lock me out of our bedroom, and I can guarantee it will be MY bedroom only PDQ’.”- Basic_Dig1720
“NTA.”
“Man, I’m lazy, but I’m not that lazy.”
“Like, who the f*ck can’t even be bothered to put their own medical equipment away.”
“It is his equipment, it is not your responsibility.”- CrabbiestAsp
“NTA.”
“‘…all my own things are in the bedroom and that would leave me with out access to any of my things during the day unless I cleared everything out of my room and the second bathroom*…'”
“OP, maybe it’s time to give him what he wants….”- Bluebells7788
“NTA.”
“This man puts his shoes under the table.”
“He’s lazy and he’s a slob.”
“My partner leaves his CPAP machine out and I don’t have any issue with it.”
“The cat leaves it alone.”
“My suggestion is you get rid of your husband.”
“The cat has done you a favor.”- Ancient-Meal-5465
“His logic here is hilarious.”
“It is unreasonable for him to remember to put one thing away everyday.”
“But it is reasonable for him to remember to lock and unlock a door morning and night.”
“BTW NTA.”- Aggravating_Bison_53
“I use a CPAP.”
“I don’t put it aways everyday.”
“I use a beach towel to cover it up every morning.”
“I roll up the hose to make sure it is covered.”
“I forgot one morning, and my daughter’s cat chewed my hose.”
“It’s my responsibility, not anyone else’s.”
“NTA husband definitely is.”
“Also very lazy.”- cnndkins
“What a lazy, immature, and stupid position your husband has.”
“His device.”
“His responsibility.”
“Time for him to be an adult and take care of his sh*t.”
“NTA.”- HarveySnake
“NTA.”
“My husband has a machine and I don’t touch it, he cleans, makes sure it’s filled every night, and always checks his machine for wear and tear.”
“It’s his and he uses it, so he cleans and maintains it.”
“I’m not sure you should stay with your husband, he sounds unreasonable and verbally abusive.”- Pepsilover12
“Gosh.”
“All it took was this post for me to hate your husband on your behalf.”
“Talk about being lazy, deliberately incompetent, and insufferable.”
“NTA.”- ms_hopeful
The OP eventually returned with an update, sharing how things progressed with her husband:
“So last night I ordered a cover for his CPAP tube.”
“I thought it would be a great idea after someone suggested it.”
“Had no idea those existed.”
“This morning, as he was complaining about putting his tube in the drawer next to the bed, I told him about the turbo cover.”
“I wish I was joking when I tell you this.”
“He put his hands on his hips and in a whiny/mocking tone says ‘no I don’t want that!!'”
“‘He said it would make the tube too heavy and he was mad at me for researching ways to help protect the tube.”
“I lost it. I called him a giant man baby and said How dare you? ‘”
“You made it my responsibility to fix your problem, and when I come up with a solution, you act like this?”
“You toddler!”
“You ungrateful, selfish child of a man.”
“I’m pretty sure I said more than that.”
“He tried to defend himself as somehow correct, slumped into a chair, pouted, and then got on his phone and canceled the order for the cover, saying he won’t use it even if I buy one.”
“Omg.”
“I give up.”
“I told him, fine, if it gets ruined again, that’s your problem.”
“He said, just close the bedroom door!”
“I said it only stays shut if you close it a certain way from inside the room, you know that.”
‘It’s been like that for two years now because you won’t fix the damn door.”
“Next time your stuff gets broken, I don’t want to hear a word from you about it. You’re refusing to take care of it and having a tantrum when I try to help you.”
“He also got mad at me for reminding him to put the tube away when he woke up.”
“Ohh, and last night I went to bed before he did, and he turned on the light to put his tube back together. He made so much noise, making it way more obnoxious than he needed to be just to wake me up.”
“This man can’t do a single thing with our making noise but expected me to change diapers and breastfeed babies in the night without so much as a nightlight to prevent waking him up.”
It seems the OP’s husband truly can’t handle doing anything on his own.
What’s worse, he seems delusional enough that he doesn’t foresee this being a problem.
One can only wonder if he’ll still feel this way when what seems like the inevitable moment comes when the OP finally leaves him.