Grandparents normally have the best of intentions.
New grandparents usually only ever want to help.
They want to share their wisdom and experience.
But sometimes that knowledge can come with a price.
Sometimes a grandparent’s biggest lesson… is learning boundaries.
Case in point…
Redditor Newmomma353 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not asking my MIL nicely to hand over the baby for feeding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi. I’m a new mom, had my son 5 weeks ago.”
“My husband’s parents have been staying with us and things have been super overwhelming.”
“M[other] I[n] L[aw] has a habit of taking the baby and refusing to give him back to me.”
“She’d say I’m deliberately ruining her time with him.”
“My son needs feeding every 2hrs and she basically makes me beg her to hand him over to me so I could feed.”
“Last night at 10PM MIL had my son in her arms while sitting on the couch with my husband and his dad.”
“I was exhausted, the baby started crying.”
“I told my MIL to hand him over to me so I could feed him.”
“She refused and I kept asking.”
“My husband starts talking about what a whinny little girl I was to complain that our son is receiving love and cuddles and how I’m using feeding as an excuse to keep the baby away from his mom.”
“I ignored him and told his mom to hand over the baby.”
“She refused and said I needed to wait a little longer.”
“I got angry at this point.”
“My husband said I could take the baby after I ask his mom nicely.”
“This had me seething.”
“I meanly told his mom to stop being annoying and overbearing and hand him over to me.”
“She looked at me shocked and hurt.”
“She handed the baby over and ran into the guest room and my husband gave me a look, then followed her and stayed inside to comfort her.”
“He came into the room while I was feeding my son and started yelling about how disrespectful I was to speak to his mom this way and treat her poorly when all she’s doing is showing our son more love than I do.”
“I told him about how she’s been taking the baby for hours and preventing me from feeding him properly.”
“He said that 1, our son isn’t an object for me to act like I own him…”
“And 2, his mom was doing nothing wrong…”
“And 3, I should’ve asked nicely instead of being a bi$ch to his mom and making her cry.”
“I started crying and yelled that I’d go to my mom’s place if his parents stay any longer and he yelled back saying ‘Shut the f**k up, you’re only acting up cause you don’t want my parents around! F**k’s wrong with you?'”
“Then walked out.”
“I felt terrible thinking maybe I was rude to his mom but I also think that I’d hit my limits here.”
“AITA for not asking her nicely like my husband wanted?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Pack your gear and take baby to your parents.”
“Re: think your relationship as well, who the hell speaks to their wife like that especially after having baby.”
“Protect your mental/physical health at all cost.” ~ looseylucy11
“Yes!! Who the hell berates his wife in front of his parents for a biological necessity, and then starts yelling and cussing in a room with a newborn in it?!”
“NTA but OP needs to get out NOW and I hope the husband doesn’t get any type of custody.”
“Sometimes the worst in people comes out after a child is born…” ~ Fun_Independent9201
“It is far too common that abusers don’t let down the facade of loving spouse until their soon-to-be victim is forever tied to them with a child.”
“If OP’s husband didn’t show his true colors until the baby arrived, the speed with which he is escalating this is severely alarming.”
“It’s for this reason OP needs to leave now.”
“She needs to either have her parents show up, help her pack the necessities, and leave, or if her parents aren’t able to, she needs the police to assist in a smooth exit.” ~ DragonCelica
“Yeah OP reconsider your relationship he proved that he is not worthy to be called a father and you have full rights on the baby he is your son your MIL should obey you a parent always choose best for their kid, NTA.” ~ BOSSBABY33
“Start writing down his behavior including what transpired, what he said etc too because it may very well be that will become a record worth having in a custody battle.”
“Also mark down why the argument happened how the baby was behaving etc.”
“Because if he’s willing to let his baby cry and be hungry to make his mom happy that’s not good for the baby especially at such a young age where they don’t even know their physical queues yet.” ~ JuryNo7670
“It is terrifying- it terrified me just reading it.”
“I think OP should actually call the Cops to escort her and her child out safely.”
“I hope OP has somewhere safe to go.”
“I would think a shelter for victims of Domestic Abuse would be preferable.”
“This is an extremely concerning situation.”
“OP and her newborn are in danger. OP is NTA.” ~ V-838
“I’m afraid to even mention this post to my partner, he’ll flip out about it.”
“We didn’t let anyone hold our second kid for weeks due to this exact type of problem, and the horrible feelings it brings on for new mothers.”
“I’m pregnant again and so relieved to know my partner would never in a trillion years act like this with our newborn child.”
“I’m just fuming right now.”
“OP, NTA. Not even the tiniest bit.” ~ toomanyburritos
“It’s also not psychologically healthy for the baby!”
“It’s been many years since I took child development, but my recollection is that responding to a baby’s needs is crucial to the baby developing healthy attachment and learning to trust their parents/caregivers.”
“In this situation, OP’s baby has a need and OP is being actively prevented from fulfilling that need.”
“How does baby know that when they need something they will get it?”
“OP, if you are reading comments this nested, please leave.”
“I am scared for you and your baby.” ~ Western_Compote_4461
“I’m usually so against when commenters on this sub call for OP to leave their significant other because it gets thrown around over nothing.”
“But in this situation I actually agree. It’s astonishing how OPs husband is treating her.”
“He says something about how MIL isn’t doing anything wrong by holding the baby but she is, she’s preventing the baby from being properly fed.”
“And to even insinuate that MIL is giving the baby more love than mom????”
“I’m astonished. Run OP. NTA.” ~ sassytit
“Also husband is calling OP a disrespectful little girl.”
“He’s infantilising and talking down to his WIFE who just birthed a baby.”
“This is very worrying behaviour and shows he sees OP was someone to control rather than as an equal.”
“I don’t like to scream abuse but knowing that abusive partners often show their true colors when their partner is in a vulnerable position like childbirth, illness, disability or unemployment, this is something to keep in mind.” ~ The_Death_Flower
“NTA. Your husband is verbally abusive and controlling.”
“He sees a vulnerable new mum who is struggling both physically and mentally and wants to capitalise on that by making you insecure and dependent on him.”
“He is the one with the problems, not you.”
“Go to your parents house or someone close, but do NOT tell him you are leaving.”
“Regardless of what culture you are from, this behaviour is entirely unacceptable.”
“The fact that he is also not letting you feed your baby without a fight is very bad parenting.”
“Ain’t no good man acting like this. Rubbish.” ~ RedditMerit456
“I rarely advise people here to leave, there are too many unknowns, but this is a recipe for disaster, OP.”
“You and your husband are not on the same page.”
“A five week old infant must be on a schedule and her withholding him and your husband taking her side is unacceptable.”
“Go to your mother’s immediately, for your sake and the baby’s.”
“You need to be calm and clearheaded while you figure out what your next steps are.”
“Put the safety and stability of your child (and you, as his mother and primary caregiver) first.”
“I am so sorry, I hope you find a way forward with minimal disruption and pain for you.”
“Absolutely NTA.” ~ helenasbff
“What worries me is the fact that in her comments, she said her husband ‘won’t allow’ her to go to her parents.”
“OP if you see this, call your parents and explain the situation.”
“You need to get to a safe place where you have others around you that have your best interests at heart.”
“Your husband is a bully and you deserve far better. NTA at all.” ~ DiamondKitsune
Well OP, Reddit is concerned.
You have a situation brewing.
You may need to make a plan for you and baby.
Stay safe and vigilant.