Bathroom habits are an awkward topic of discussion.
They can be exceptionally uncomfortable in a romantic relationship.
The bathroom is a room where people tend to keep personal matters private.
However, like every other room, sometimes conversations about certain topics are inevitable.
Redditor RollLongjumping3937 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for not wanting to use a bidet every time I pee and feeling micromanaged about toilet paper?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My husband (23 M[ale]) and I (24 F[eamle]) have lived together for 1.5 years since we got married in 2024."
"The topic of conversation has come up before, less about T[oilet] P[aper] and more just upset with me that I don’t use the bidet."
"Today, he got upset with me over how much toilet paper I use, as the toilet got clogged."
"I explained to him that I didn’t use an abnormal amount (I just went pee) and that I did notice the water in the toilet was low before I went, so maybe it was already clogged."
"He responded by saying that I need to use less toilet paper and start using the bidet instead."
"But, as a woman and with my anatomy, I just find using the bidet when I pee an inconvenience."
"It’s great if you’re on your cycle, etc, but for daily pee usage, I don’t want to be more wet than I already am."
"I explained that using the bidet would just cause me to use more toilet paper as I have more to dry off, and he got upset, saying that I’m 'being too defensive.'”
"He said that’s not the case, and I should be using less toilet paper, but the bidet we have just sprays too much and doesn’t angle right, and we have a high toilet, and I’m short, so it’s just kind of sucky for me to try and use."
"Whatever, though, right?"
"I told him that I would try to use less toilet paper, being considerate of how he feels, and he said, 'Well, I’m sure I’ll notice then.'”
"Why are we keeping an eye on the toilet paper?"
"He said that we go through 2-4 rolls a week, which I think is pretty normal for two people, but that he 'should notice we aren’t going through so much' since I said I would try to use less."
"Overall, this just made me feel a bit micromanaged and gave me a bit of anxiety."
"I don’t want to have to think about that stuff… I just want to pee when I need to and have literally zero concern about this stuff."
"Was my defensiveness out of line?"
"I explained to him the bidet situation, told him I would try to use less TP, but that I don’t think it’s fair to 'monitor' the toilet paper, etc."
"He said I’m too 'sensitive' about these things."
"He also made a statement about how he’s just annoyed/frustrated because 'white people won’t use bidets,' (he’s Asian), but it’s not even like that."
"I use it for other things when I need to, just not on a daily basis."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Am I the A**hole?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"Incredibly controlling and demeaning behavior."
"And she must be used to being treated in this degrading and dehumanizing way, or she would have told him to f**k right off out of her bathroom business." ~ imjustapersontoo
"This is exactly what I came here to say!"
"OP is talking about toilet paper when the real issue is this man's authoritarian attitude."
"The nerve of this guy chastising his own wife for not doing things exactly the way he wants."
"And I'm willing to bet this is not a one-off."
"He's probably like this across the board!"
"Seriously, I think OP needs to stop worrying so much about this one argument and start concerning herself more with this guy's entitled attitude."
"Next time he starts that bulls**t just put your hand up and tell him to shut the hell up." ~ KathyOverAndOut
"The toilet was already clogged. He is probably the one who clogged it and left it."
"He’s shifting the blame to you over toilet paper."
"Unless you’re fisting an entire roll down the bowl, there is no f**king possible way to clog a toilet after peeing and wiping."
"This dude is trash."
"Controlling and manipulative." ~ Heronymous-Anonymous
"Please, please, please, whatever you do, guard your birth control like your sanity depends on it! "
"If this is how he argues about toilet paper, how the hell would he be about anything kid-related?!?"
"If you ever decide to leave him, you’ll never be free of his micromanaging craziness if there are kids involved." ~ Alwaysaprairiegirl
"My friend."
"Women use more toilet paper when they pee because we wipe after peeing."
"Also, during the menstrual cycle, we need toilet paper to clean, regardless of what you use - pads, tampons, or cups."
The bidet is for bowel movements. Cleans and dries, neat.
"You absolutely do not want the spray going up your urethra or into your vaginal canal."
"That's a great way to get infections."
"Using toilet paper as needed is correct, and he's an a**hole for suggesting otherwise." ~ Late_Resource_1653
"Yeah, OP, listen to these people."
"Your husband's controlling attitude about the way that you use the toilet is way over the top."
"I don't know if this controlling, judgmental behavior bleeds over into other areas of your life, but if it does, it is a huge red flag".
"Do you want to live the rest of your life like this?"
"You're only 24!"
"I can't imagine... NTA." ~ incognito_autistic
"This is emotional abuse."
"You are understandably normalising because the thought of leaving your husband and starting again is daunting."
"But it’s what you need to do."
"Speaking as someone who lived with abuse far longer than I should have."
"Guard your birth control with your life, don’t be ashamed to leave an abusive marriage- it’s brave and the right thing to do." ~ MysteryInTheWoods
"NTA, Women need more toilet paper than men."
"Tell him if he keeps trying to control your toilet paper usage, you will just free bleed on everything once a month."
"See how he likes having blood all over his car seats, couch, bed, and floors."
"Yes, it is a fact that women use more toilet paper than men."
"Even when we aren't on our periods, we still release fluids that have nothing to do with urine."
"I would also point out that using a bidet on anything other than your bottom is actually VERY dangerous."
"If you get contaminated water up your vagina or urethra, you can get sick and or infected."
"It's dehumanizing and for him not to believe your experience."
"You're not a child."
"You're a grown adult!"
"He doesn't get to decide he knows your body better than you do." ~ Lighthouse_on_Mars
"NTA. It's weird and gross that he's mansplaining how to wipe your own pee."
"Bidets are amazing, and I will die on that hill, but they are useless for pee."
"You just get everything wetter than it is for no reason."
"That said, 2-4 rolls a week sounds like a lot to me for two people, especially if he's barely using any between penis privilege and hosing his @ss off after poops."
"What do you consider a normal amount of toilet paper for a pee?"
"I think like 3-4 sheets?"
"Maybe you should threaten to switch to reusable toilet paper and see if he changes his tune all of a sudden."
"That, or he can shell out for a bidet with a drying function since this bothers him so badly." ~ peony_chalk
"NTA. Men don't understand how it works. I've heard this argument so much, especially during COVID and the toilet paper shortage."
"So many dumb comments from men - 'How much are you shitting?!?'"
"Men only use toilet paper when they poop."
"So for them, a roll of TP lasts quite a while."
"Women also use it for that - but also every time they pee, and way more when they're on their period."
"Women go through it four/five times faster - not because we're wasteful, but because it's simply how it works."
"It's what we need for hygiene."
"It's not a waste if it's actually being used for its intended purpose."
"And even if you do use a bidet, sometimes you still need to dry off, so you're still going to use some paper."
"Honestly, we go through about a roll a day in my house, sometimes more."
"I don't think anyone is wasting it or being irresponsible with it."
"It's just normal use."
"He is way out of line."
"You are NOT being too sensitive."
"Maybe you do have a plumbing issue, and if that's the concern, I understand - but the solution then is to get the plumbing fixed."
"And in the meantime, just put it in the trash can instead of flushing it."
"A lot of countries have plumbing issues, and it's the norm to put paper in the trash instead of flushing."
"He should not be micromanaging your toilet paper use."
"You are not a child."
"You know what you need to do for your own body."
"He should not be involved in these decisions in any way, shape, or form."
"He is way out of line." ~ Money-Possibility606
"You're nicer than me."
"If my husband started micromanaging my TP use, I'd say no."
"If he kept complaining, my use would go up."
"I'd use it for everything I could until he stopped bothering me."
"I'd use it instead of paper towels, make decorations, a crappy blanket, seat covers, and curtains."
"Also could have been his poop that clogged the toilet." ~ peoriagrace
Reddit is 1000% on your side, OP.
Your hubby is completely out of line.
Who cares that deeply about toilet paper?
This conversation may need a deeper dive, perhaps with a counselor.
Good Luck.
