Some people refuse to be anything but the center of attention and have all eyes on them, no matter the cost. In most cases, we try to stay as far away from people like this as possible.
But it’s another problem entirely when the attention-seeking person is your mother, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Middle_Trainer_5573 recently got married, and among her few requests for the guests were to not wear white or cream colors to the event.
When her mother showed up in a full-length white gown with sequins, and refused to change, the Original Poster (OP) took a stand and threw her own mother out of her wedding.
She asked the sub:
“Was I overreacting by making my mom leave my wedding after she refused to stop wearing white?”
The OP asked her guests not to wear white to her wedding.
“I (27 Female) got married last weekend.”
“My mom (56 Female) and I have a tense relationship. She loves attention and doesn’t take ‘no’ well.”
“We had a clear rule: no white, ivory, or cream outfits. I even reminded her the day before.”
The OP’s mother, of course, did not listen to her guidance.
“She showed up in a full-length white sequin gown that shimmered like a disco ball. Everyone stared.”
“My Maid of Honor quietly asked if I wanted her to say something, but I decided to handle it myself.”
“I pulled my mom aside and told her she needed to change or leave.”
“She said, ‘You’re seriously going to ruin your own day over a color?'”
The OP took a stand.
“When she refused, I asked one of my uncles to drive her home.”
“The rest of the night went smoothly, but now she’s telling everyone I ‘humiliated’ her and ‘kicked her out of her own daughter’s wedding.'”
“My husband supports me, but my brother says I overreacted because ‘everyone knows that’s just how mom is.'”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that she was NOR and that her mother was the one trying to ruin the wedding.
“You set a clear boundary, and your mom made a deliberate choice to cross it. The whole ‘that’s the way mom is’ allows her and the family to rationalize her bad behavior. Your mother is a narcissist and got exactly what she deserved when you kicked her out.” – slippinginto9
“NTA. I didn’t even invite my mum to my wedding because I knew she’d pull this s**t. It’s one simple request on one day. You’d think it would be pretty easy to comply, but no.”
“I’m sorry you had to deal with that on your wedding day. Congratulations, I hope you’re both very happy together.” – MouldyAvocados
“Nope. Actions have consequences, even for moms. You didn’t overreact; you enforced a boundary she chose to test. She wore white, knowing exactly what she was doing.” – No_Pumpkin5156
“Not overreacting. And I don’t understand the brother either. He shouldn’t be irritated after you politely asked someone to leave who didn’t respect your boundaries. I mean, that’s just how you are.”
“Seriously though, good on you for kicking her out and not enabling that behaviour. If she wants to be like that, she can be like that with her brother and other people who think it’s acceptable to be treated this way.” – Ready_Wolverine_7603
“In my opinion, your wedding, your rules.”
“Wearing white? Classic mom-zilla move. Totally get why you’d boot her out if she didn’t respect your one simple request.”
“Not going to lie, sounds like a bit of karma, to be honest. Mom needs to learn, not everything’s about her. Definitely NTA. Stay firm, OP! Your big day, your call.” – VelvetSin22
A few also pointed out their concerns about the OP’s brother and others who might be entertaining her mother’s complaints.
“Nope, not overreacting, and you should be irritated with your brother as well for his comment, saying, ‘That’s just how she is!’ is contributing to her childish, selfish behavior.”
“Don’t feel pressured into dulling down your boundaries with narcissistic family members.” – Unfair_Rise9626
“Saying ‘that’s just how someone is’ is the most enabling s**t, and it NEVER makes their actions okay.” – mom-barbie
“Doormat of a brother will probably struggle with finding a partner when he doesn’t stand up to his mommy. I would not be in a relationship with someone who allowed their parents to bully me.” – Canadasaver
“‘That’s just how she is,’ BECAUSE NO ONE EVER TOLD HER NO! Sheesh! She’s insufferable, precisely because everyone around her has always enabled it…” – CuriousCatkins96
“I don’t like how the brother’s attitude is, and I’d pity whoever would marry him because if you say that, just tell someone is, you are enabling them to continue instead of checking them and telling them that it’s unacceptable and he will not tolerate it.” – Particular_Cycle9667
Others agreed and were proud of the OP for standing up for herself and her marriage.
“Good for you! Finally, a person who didn’t put up with entitled mommy bulls**t! I’m proud of you.”
“Continue to set boundaries. Just because people are family doesn’t mean you have to like them, put up with their inappropriate behaviors, or their dysfunctional patterns. Sick of hearing… it’s family… oh, that’s just how they are… you owe me!”
“Also, tired of the guilt-shame, victim, poor-me cards played to get controlling, selfish ways!”
“If young adults enable and allow this to continue, then they perpetuate these demanding, entitled, dysfunctional patterns onto the next generation!”
“It’s great to see someone put their foot down and stop the toxic flow!” – Opinionated6319
“It is so important to begin creating those boundaries! Your mom made the decision to not attend your wedding. If it was so important for her to be there, she would have respected your wishes (that are beyond reasonable). She purposefully played a game of chicken and is upset that she lost.”
“Your brothers don’t want to have to deal with her sulking and bemoaning now. If anything, I would just say something like I’m sorry that mom is putting her drama on all of us again. She needs to be a mom and grow up.” – ktchop2
“Bruh, NTA at all. Your mom pulled a mega Karen move by ignoring the ‘no white’ rule. It’s YOUR day, and she had zero rights to steal the limelight like that.”
“Y’know, ‘that’s just how mom is’ ain’t an excuse for rude behavior, it’s just an explanation. Stand your ground, girl, and congrats on the wedding!” – SeductressVelour
“‘Everyone knows that’s how mom is.’ THAT’S the problem. If people know that’s what she’s like and do nothing about it, they are enabling and perpetuating her s**tty behavior.”
“People like your mom need to be called out every time. Not coddled.”
“You didn’t overreact. You gave your mom some much-needed consequences for her actions.” – SaucyGooner79
“‘Everyone knows that’s just how mom is,’ and she is like that because everyone just wants to keep the peace and not rock the boat (and other tired but true cliches) so mommy dearest continues to get away with her bad behaviour.”
“Get your photographer to alter the colour of your mother’s dress if she did end up in any of the pics.” – Wendy_woo_110
“NO, nope, nada, not overreacting at all, she was warned beforehand, and you stuck to it. Well done you and your shiny spine!”
“Does your brother have gf/finance/wife/partner because I’m sure as h**l they would have also removed your mother if it was their day. She just proved how desperate and attention-hungry she is. Anyone who agrees with your mom/brother can take a long a** walk off a short pier.”
“I’m sure your husband is thankful, and I hope you two have the best life together.” – iamhamityham
“NOR. Mommy dear broke the rules, and this was a power struggle that she lost. If she wants to feel humiliated by losing it, so be it.”
“You gave her the chance to change, and she didn’t want to. Then she, and every other single woman who wore white, ivory, or cream had to leave. is nothing personal, it’s the rule.” – Odd_Tea4945
“She said, ‘You’re seriously going to ruin your own day over a color?'”
“You could have said, ‘You’re willing to ruin my day over it, so why not?'”
“And ‘that’s just how Mom is’ is not an excuse. Everyone knows Mom is awful, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. Your brother is wrong, and you should keep telling him so at every opportunity.”
“When she posts somewhere about being kicked out, reply with, ‘Mom, we’ve been over this. You wore a full-length white sequined gown to my wedding. Who does that? You humiliated yourself, and I just put an early stop to it.'”
“No one is going to think you’re the villain here, except your mom, because she’s spoiled. NOR.” – RubyNotTawny
The subReddit was proud of the OP for standing up for herself on her wedding day, especially over a rule that was so easy to follow and respect.
If the OP’s mother was causing this much trouble now, it was best for the OP to set boundaries now, at the beginning of her marriage, because her mom could disrespect her husband, their choices, and any possible future children.