Assigned gender reveal parties are out of control.
They’ve been responsible for death, divorce, and disastrous forest fires.
But an assigned gender reveal itself is a beautiful and intimate moment for families.
So when someone wants to keep it a secret, that should mean something. Right?
Case in point…
Redditor Fit_Tough1697 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for ‘lying’ to my M[other] I[n] L[aw] about the gender of our baby after she promised to keep it a secret?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I didn’t really want a gender reveal party, but my husband’s family made a big deal about it, so I agreed.”
“My mother-in-law was convinced that I knew the gender and insisted I tell her.”
“I totally didn’t, and I told her that fact.”
“She wore me down after a month of bothering me about it.”
“She begged me and promised that she wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“This was all in texts.”
“I told her it was a girl.”
“I figured it was a 50/50 chance, and it would get her off my back.”
“Well, she lied.”
“When we cut the cake to reveal a blue inside, there was a really awkward silence.”
“She had told literally all of the guests from her side of the family so they could bring appropriate gifts.”
“My friends and family quickly gathered around to congratulate us on our son.”
“She came over and hissed at me that I made her look stupid.”
“I reminded her that she had PROMISED not to tell anyone.”
“She said she had never promised, so I showed her our text conversation.”
“Some of the family were right there when I did that, so they heard her admit that she lied and had never intended to keep that promise.”
“She said that it was a di*k move and that I only did it to embarrass her.”
“I again reminded her that I had told her on multiple occasions that I did not know the gender.”
“My husband wants me to apologize to keep the peace.”
“I probably will, but I don’t think I was an a**hole like she seems to think.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. She embarrassed herself.”
“’I’m sorry you embarrassed yourself by lying’” is about the only apology I’d be willing to give.” ~ cryinoverwangxian
“NTA. ‘Sorry, you couldn’t keep a secret and showed your big liar-liar pants on fire pants to your family. Ya big fibber.'” ~ Obeythesnail
“I actually hate conflict and usually just apologize to keep the peace, but it’s a bad strategy long term.”
“It sets a precedent where the MiL (and all those like her) can steamroll her way through every event safe in the knowledge she won’t be called out on it.” ~ IamNotABaldEagle
“Exactly. Also sets a precedent (probably established throughout childhood) for the husband to appease mommy instead of sticking up for his wife.”
“This isn’t even a matter of difference of opinion or anything. OP is 100% objectively in the right here!” ~ anoeba
“This. One of my work friends gave me some advice for dealing with my MIL when I first got married: ‘A little bit of crazy goes a long way.'”
“It only takes one time for you to push back on their bad behavior, for you to call them out, publicly and politely, to show them that you are not the one they are going to f#*k with.”
“My MIL knows that if she pulls any of her nonsense.”
“I am going to say, ‘MIL, I need for you to stop undermining my parenting, please,’ or [after she has loudly pointed out that there is dust behind my refrigerator], ‘If my housekeeping is not up to your standards, I will be more than happy to call HOTEL and book you a room.'”
“The incident itself, you could let go.”
“The 10,000 incidents that will inevitably follow are the reason you have to draw a line in the sand.” ~ __The_Kraken__
“Man, I wish I had this comment 15 years ago when my visiting mother-in-law took her finger and wiped it above the door frame in my living room to CHECK FOR DUST.”
“I was absolutely horrified and embarrassed and couldn’t believe my eyes.”
“I had cleaned like a mad woman before she arrived but didn’t think of dusting there, so of course, her finger came away with some dust on it.”
“It was my first time meeting her (I had eloped with her son), and it was the start of a very contentious relationship.”
“Ugh! Your response is so perfect.” ~ Jcaseykcsee
“There’s literally no point. She’s got a husband problem, not just a MIL problem.”
“OP should visit JustNoMIL on Reddit.”
“It’ll be a nice little wake-up call to the life your husband is about to subject her to. NTA.” ~ Abstractteapot
“NTA. And I’m sick of people being told they should apologize when they did nothing wrong in order to keep the peace.”
“Being forced to appease bullies/people who break boundaries is harmful.”
“Submerging yourself to please others is harmful.”
“Not having the person who did wrong held to account is harmful.” ~ YouSayWotNow
“DO NOT APOLOGIZE TO KEEP THE PEACE!!!”
“Don’t rock the boat analogy…”
“We aren’t the ones rocking the boat.”
“It’s the crazy lady jumping up and down and running side to side.”
“Not the one sitting in the corner quietly, not giving a f**k.”
“At some point in her youth, Crazy Woman gave the boat a little nudge.”
“And look how everyone jumped to steady the boat!”
“So she does it again and again and again.”
“Soon her family is in the habit of swaying to counteract the crazy.”
“She moves left. They move right, balance is restored (temporarily).”
“Life goes on.”
“People move on to boats of their own.”
“The boat-rocker can’t survive in a boat by herself.”
“She’s never had to face the consequences of her rocking.”
“She’ll tip over.”
“So she finds an enabler: someone so proud of the boat-steadying skills that he secretly (or not so secretly) lives for the rocking.”
“The boat-rocker escalates.”
“The boat-steadier can’t manage alone but can’t let the boat tip.”
“After all, he’s the best boat-steadier ever, and that can’t be true if his boat capsizes, so, therefore, his boat can’t capsize.”
“How can they fix the situation?”
“Ballast!”
“And the next generation of boat-steadiers is born.”
“A born boat-steadier doesn’t know what solid ground feels like.”
“He’s so used to the constant swaying that anything else feels wrong, and he’ll fall over.”
“There’s a good chance the boat rocker never taught him how to swim, either.”
“He’ll jump at the slightest twitch like his life depends on it because it did.”
“When you’re in their boat, you’re expected to help steady it.”
“When you decline, the other boat-steadiers get resentful.”
“Look at you, just sitting there while they do all the work!”
“They don’t see that you aren’t the one making the boat rock.”
“They might not even see the life rafts available for them to get out.”
“All they know is that the boat can’t be allowed to tip, and you’re not helping.”
“Now you and your S[ignificant] O[ther] get a boat of your own.”
“With your SO not there, the balance of the boat changes.”
“The remaining boat-steadiers have to work even harder.”
“While a rocking boat is most concerning to those inside, it does cause ripples.”
“The nearby boats start to worry.”
“They’re getting splashed! Somebody do something!”
“So the flying monkeys are dispatched.”
“Can’t you and SO see how much better it is for everyone (else) if you just get back on the boat and keep it steady?”
“It would make their lives so much easier.”
“You know what would be easier?”
“If they all just chucked the *itch overboard.” ~ Lovemybee
“This. This sounds like some crap my MIL would pull, and you know what my husband would do?”
“Say something like, ‘Well, maybe next time you’ll keep your mouth shut, Mom.'”
“OP, you are NTA, and your husband needs to learn that when his mom is in the wrong, she’s in the wrong.” ~ gimmethelulz
“Yep. OP has a husband problem, not a MIL problem.”
“He should’ve been handling this and enforcing boundaries with his pushy, entitled mother this entire time she’s been harassing her.”
“And now he’s telling op to apologize??”
“Red red red flags.”
“I can only imagine the ways in which he’ll allow his mommy to walk all over his wife in regard to raising their child.” ~ waitingfordeathhbu
“Exactly this.”
“Not only do you not apologize, but you also put your foot down and insist on getting an apology from *her* for spoiling your gender reveal.”
“Not only from her but from all the guests who participated in this.”
“What’s the point of a gender reveal if it’s already known?!”
“They should have also known something was up.”
“It’s important to set the record straight that she was out of line here.” ~ HiddenMaragon
“NTA. I am cackling. This is amazing.”
“Maybe just cause I hate gender reveals, but omg this made me laugh so hard.”
“A true lesson for your MIL to keep her mouth shut.”
“People should buy mostly gender-neutral stuff for babies anyways, to be honest.”
“They’re just weird little gremlins at first.” ~ kokonikoreteureshii
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
There are no minced words here.
A liar is a liar is a liar.
You’re allowed to be mad.
And you have the (text) receipts.
Focus on your new bundle of joy.
Congratulations and good luck.