It’s always a difficult situation to navigate when you can’t stand a family member’s significant other—especially when they want to come stay with you for awhile.
That’s the dilemma a guy on Reddit found himself facing when his pregnant sister and her awful fiancé asked to live with him for a few months.
So he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective on how he handled the situation.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the name sisfiance on the site, asked:
“AITA for not wanting to house my sister’s fiancé?”
He explained:
“My sister (27f[emale]) has been with her fiancé ‘Dale’ for 3 years. My family and myself (28M[ale]) absolutely cannot stand him.”
“From day one he was just this rude obnoxious slob and we don’t have a clue what she sees in this guy.”
“He’s 30 and can’t hold down a job for sh*t. Either he quits because he doesn’t like it or gets fired after many absences.”
“We’re embarrassed to even go out to a restaurant with him because he will throw a fit over something in his food to try to get a free meal. I try to avoid interactions with him when I can because I can’t stand him.”
“With the pandemic, my sister got laid off and they moved in with a friend a few months ago to save up on money.”
“Especially because they found out my sis is pregnant 3 months ago. Now my sister tells me Dale and his friend got into some dispute so they can’t live there anymore.”
“She’s asking if it’s ok if they stayed with me awhile but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
“Aside from Dale being an a** in general I’ve heard he’s an even bigger pain to live with. Before the pandemic, there was a whole drama with the landlord at his old place.”
“Dale stopped paying rent and then was refusing to leave even after being given an eviction notice.”
“No idea how it went down but he managed to stay there longer until the landlord could go through the whole court process to get him out.”
“My sister told me all about it because she was having fights with Dale trying to get him to just leave already. The last thing I want is to invite that possible headache into my home knowing what a freeloader he is.”
“Might even be harder right now if I decided I didn’t want him in my house anymore with some places still putting evictions on hold.”
“I told my sister my concerns. She swears Dale wouldn’t do that but she couldn’t even convince him to move out of the last place he was staying at.”
“Now I get she’s pregnant and I told her I’d be more than happy to give her a place to stay…just not Dale.”
“She’s pretty mad I’m not willing to help him out as well and for not trusting them. They’re supposed to be moving out by next week with still no place to go.”
“I told my sister my offer still stands for her but I can’t accept Dale with his history.”
“She says I’m an awful brother and can’t believe how badly I’m acting in their time of need.”
“Am I being an a**hole for going down this route?”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who is in the wrong in this scenario using one of the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And people were emphatically NOT Team Dale.
“NTA. Dale, on the other hand, sounds like an absolute peach.”
“I hate peaches.” —IAmHerdingCatz
“NTA- Dale sounds like a piece of work, I think you have the right idea, not letting him into your home. Good on you for offering a place for your sister, but I highly doubt she’ll take it.” —Ctiiu
“The offer while good is still not gonna work.”
“Fast forward and she moves in. Can he visit? Can he actually come inside?”
“Can he take a nap? Can he stay and visit his little adorable newborn? See where I’m going?”
“I’d suggest a hard unbending rule that if she stays with you he cannot enter your place. Ever. If he does then she has a week to move out.”
“No exceptions. (Because you know it will start with he just needed to pee. And then he will chip away at your rules/boundaries)”
“Good luck.” —OneLetter
“NTA!!!!!”
“Do NOT let this guy live in your home.”
“Depending on tenant laws in your area, which he definitely knows based on previous drama you mentioned, he can easily make the claim that your home is his residence which would give him protection under the law.”
“That’s the last thing you want.”
“Your sister obviously has no influence over him or his decisions so her claims of ‘he wouldn’t do that’ are moot.”
“You are not required to help either of them and your concerns are extremely valid. It’s not your fault she’s tied herself to a loser that will do whatever he can to scam and freeload off people.”
“She has options. She has a place to stay with you.”
“It’s her choice not to take it. Therefore she can live with the consequences of that decision.” —CelticSkye
“NTA and be prepared if your sister does move in that Dale will sleep over and most likely not leave.”
“Make sure to educate yourself on your tenant laws to prevent him and your sister from becoming a unwanted tenant.”
“Protect yourself and be proactive.” —Zombiemommy1980
“…When people tell you who they are, believe them.”
“This guy has already told you exactly the type of person and tenant he is.”
“He is a terrible tenant and knows the laws well enough to drag out any sort of eviction process by several months.”
“And he’s clearly abused the hospitality of the friends he’s currently staying. Hence why they are trying to kick him out.”
“This is not a question of him trying to screw over a random landlord (which is still bad). He is clearly willing to screw over friends and family too.”
“Also, OP’s sister has proven that she cannot control him or make him do the right thing. So her word in this regard is worthless.”
“OP is absolutely right to offer to take her and her soon to be baby in, but stay far away from this guy.” —sk9592
Hopefully these siblings can find a workable arrangement.