A wedding guest list is never as easy as anyone wants it to be.
Be it owing to what the venue can accommodate, or how much the couple in question can afford, there will simply be a few people left off every wedding guest list.
Hence why no one should ever ask the bride and groom if someone can be added to the guest list.
Or worse, when they don't ask the bride about expanding their guest list, but rather tell them.
Redditor Ill-Geologist6602 was soon to be married.
While both the original poster (OP) and her fiancé wanted to keep their wedding small, the OP's future sister-in-law (FSIL) offered suggestions to add to their guest list.
A gesture the OP could do nothing but laugh at.
Worried her behavior was inappropriate, the OP took to the suBreddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for laughing at my FSIL request for our wedding?"
The OP explained why she found herself laughing in her FSIL's face:
"My fiancé/future husband (35 M[ale]) and I (38 F[emale]) just got engaged a few months ago and are deep into the wedding planning process."
"We were over having dinner at his parents’ house this past weekend, and his sister (40 F) asked how the guest list was coming together."
"We said fine, and future-husband (FH) mentioned that all of their aunts, uncles, and cousins were on the guest list."
"His sister asked about Cody and Maria and their children. Cody and Maria?"
"For context, Cody and Maria are friends of my FSIL and future brother-in-law [FBIL]."
"Their kids all go to school together and that’s how they met."
"They’ve become close friends as a result."
"They are also from the same Middle Eastern country as FH’s family."
"FH and I have met them twice, and they’re nice people."
"We just don’t have a relationship with them."
"Our wedding is like 120 people (that we are paying for by ourselves), and we aren’t going to invite people we hardly know."
"FH and I looked at each other and shrugged."
"No, we hadn’t considered them on the guest list, sorry."
"His sister was outraged."
"Cody and Maria are family."
"How could we possibly consider not inviting them?"
"I let out a soft laugh and put my hand over my face, because this just seemed so absurd to me, which is where I might be TA."
"My FSIL began to lecture me on the culture I am marrying into (which I’m American) and that in their Middle Eastern culture, close friends are family, and that our guest list should include room for at least 10-20 friends of the siblings."
"She said that FH did the same thing for her wedding some 13 years ago."
"FH said he invited two friends as opposed to ten, he invited people that his sister had known for decades, not people that we’ve met only two times, and the difference was that their parents and her in-laws were paying for her 300+ person wedding."
"Meanwhile, their parents’ financial situation has changed so FH and I are covering the costs."
"We explained that we don’t have the budget to host a wedding that large, and so we want the people closest to us for our special day, which does not include Cody and Maria."
"FSIL shouted at us for disrespecting her and her husband by not inviting their closest friends, and that I’m not worthy of bearing the family surname."
"My FMIL and FFIL tried to de-escalate the situation and offered to pay the difference in cost to allow for this family of 5 to be invited to the wedding."
"FH and I are both foregoing inviting several friends to our wedding to make the numbers work."
"This just feels like a slap in the face to bypass them for people we’ve literally met twice."
"We left shortly thereafter, and my FMIL sent a message to us later asking us to apologize to FSIL for my laughing at her request, and to consider inviting Cody and Maria."
"We didn’t respond."
"Anyway, AITA for laughing and refusing my FSIL’s request to invite her family friends to our wedding?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
"NTA."
"These people are hiding behind their culture to justify acting like AHs."- Thin_Theory5388
"NTA."
Sounds like a few more people shouldn't be invited."- queenofcaffeine76
"Correct me if I'm wrong, it's not even that you were laughing at the request, more so the timing of the request."
"Like why would y'all have considered inviting these people before the moment they asked?"
"'How could we possibly consider not inviting them?'"
"Ma'am, I hadn't considered they existed till right this moment."
"NTA."- pottersquash
"This is your future husband’s battle with his family."
"NTA, and he should take point."- Practical-Owl-9358
"As a person coming from a similar culture, I have to stress the point that your FH made: in these cultures, weddings are usually paid for by the parents."
"Since this is not the case, you two are 100% responsible for the guest list."
"Yeah, it was not nice to laugh, though I imagine it was more of a nervous laugh on your part and probably just fueled FSIL's already existing annoyance."
'So definitely NTA, though your future in-laws and husband should probably have separate conversations with the FSIL to de-escalate."
'If I were you, I would let them handle it as a family."
'Also, next time she says you are not worthy of the family name, may I suggest you just tell her you are keeping yours?'
"Hold tight, Sis."- No-Buffalo286
"NTA."
"I bet she assumed they were invited and already told them about it, so she’s putting pressure on you rather than embarrass herself by admitting she talked out of turn."- Rainierstranger
"You can apologize for laughing at the request."
"That could be considered pretty rude and disrespectful."
"But absolutely NTA for not inviting your SIL's friends to your wedding."
"Say something like this: It certainly wasn't my intention to make you feel like I wasn't taking you seriously."
"However, honestly- it caught me so off guard that I genuinely thought you were joking because, to ME, it seemed so unexpected."
"In my culture, the people that pay for the wedding get to make the guest list, and we just can't afford to invite even some of our own friends, let alone other people's guest lists."
"I understood that my reaction wasn't appropriate, and I apologize for that."
"We won't be having anyone additional at the wedding."- DCpurpleTart33
"NTA."
"Apologize for laughing, say it was a nervous response."
"Then explain that as you have not extended invites to several of your own close friends, you can also not invite close friends of other family members as the numbers do not work."
"Do not invite Cody & Maria."
"If you do, you will be catering to FSIL requests for decades to come."
"Your wedding, your money, your rules."- Accomplished_Pea2556
"You are of course NTA, but depending on how much you want to keep the peace, might consider apologizing strictly for the laugh. Something like 'I'm so sorry, it had nothing to do with disrespecting your friends; you just caught me so off guard! We've already had to disinvite dear friends to make our budget work; it was a shock to realize there were more people we'll have to exclude. We're really very sorry, but the guest list is final."- Shoereader
"NTA."
"Your wedding, your rules."- Lonely-Clerk-2478
"NTA, your fiancé seems like he has your back."
"Loveeee."- Careless_Welder_4048
"NTA."
"And saying you weren’t worthy of the family name is super hurtful and mean."
'SIL owes you a direct apology."- Downtown_Ganache6727
"NTA."
"I'm glad your FH stood up for you on this."
"FSIL sounds like a loon."- ivylass
"Do not let them use culture to manipulate you and your FH."
"NTA."
"Make your FH deal with this so you don’t get made into the bad guy."- festivebum
"NTA."
"You hardly know these people; inviting them is absurd."
"Also, your future sister-in-law sounds unhinged."
"FSIL shouted at us for disrespecting her and her husband by not inviting their closest friends, and that I’m not worthy of bearing the family surname."- DragonScrivner
"NTA."
"FSIL is entitled, though."
"Guess you know who you won't have a strong relationship with in the future."- Lunar-Eclipse0204
"NTA."
"I would tell FSIL, 'Sorry I laughed, but we had to cut friends of ours that we are close to and consider family; unfortunately, we can't accommodate inviting your friends (who may be family to you) who are strangers to us. Our budget will not accommodate those that we love being there, and we are not adding those that we don't even know'."- Soft_Location_9088
People tend to laugh at absurd things.
And the idea that anyone thinks they can dictate things bout other people's weddings is pretty absurd.
Even if the OP does end up apologizing to her FSIL for laughing, Cody and Maria better not be holding out for an invite...
