A wedding budget can break the bank.
For a lot of couples, every penny counts.
For some lucky couples, the sky is the limit.
Finding the middle ground between both can be stressful and darken the beautiful day.
Redditor Strong-Presence-8273 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for being ‘Greedy and Rude’ while planning my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (28 F[emale]) and my fiancé (36 M[ale]) are planning our wedding, and last night he accused me of being ‘greedy and rude.'”
“Background: I come from a wealthy family and have worked hard to manage finances responsibly.”
“My father has given each daughter $120K for their wedding.”
“My sisters used all of it for their weddings, but I asked to use $70K for the wedding and $10K for a honeymoon, saving $40K to help with future children’s expenses.”
“My dad agreed to this plan, but only if I could make the wedding work with that budget.”
“I didn’t make this decision lightly.”
“When I first got engaged five months ago, I considered using the full amount for a European wedding, but I realized I didn’t want to prioritize that.”
“A wedding is one day, and securing our future financial stability seemed more important.”
“My fiancé has been patient but has accused me of delaying the wedding due to indecisiveness, though I’m just overwhelmed by spending so much on one day and managing everything else.”
“Last night, I asked him to help review venues for a tour we’re doing Monday.”
“He rushed through options, and I started to cry from stress.”
“I also wanted to vet the venue’s prices before booking, but this frustrated him.”
“He said I was rude for not wanting to use all the money for a wedding he would love, claiming that going over budget was fine because this was our most important day.”
“He has always dreamed of a grand wedding with lots of guests.”
“He criticized the venue I liked, an old library that only seats 180 and fits our budget.”
“He said I was being rude by limiting my guest list to 60 people so he could invite 120 of his family.”
“He also accused me of being ‘greedy’ for wanting to save the leftover money and said I looked like I was hoarding it.”
“He argued that since we are financially well-off, I shouldn’t worry about saving for future children.”
“He also mentioned that our wedding planner had supposedly said I was being greedy, though he later admitted to making that up to show me how rude I was being.”
“I thought I was being fiscally responsible by saving the extra money, but now I’m questioning if I’ve made the right decision.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“If you feel bad spending so much on one day, then pare back even harder and use money for something else.”
“It does not sound like he is contributing anything while trying to call the shots.”
“However, his behavior is disturbing on multiple levels.”
“Maybe there is a reason you are delaying.”
“I suspect your subconscious is sending out warning signals. NTA.” ~ Jealous_Radish_2728
“Discuss the prenup ASAP, because his priorities seem to be skewed away from caring for the family you create, and toward him partying and showing off your wealth (and his good luck) to his buddies.”
“Not only does he want twice as many friends there, but he wants you to spend a third more on them.”
“Sounds like a gold digger to me.”
“One that’s willing to lie and manipulate you already.”
“There would be no coming back from that nasty lie.”
“What a jerk.” ~ KendalBoy
“You’re financially well off, he says.”
“Do you have a really good job, or are your parents financially well off? :)”
“NTA. I think your plan of spending the money is sound.” ~ DirectAntique
“Is this real?”
“That partner is complaining that 5 months is taking too long to plan a wedding when the lavish wedding with hundreds of guests that he wants would take at least 2 years to plan?”
“Easy NTA, and I’d add like everyone else is saying, this is clearly a mismatch of values, and it’s not going to get better after the wedding.”
“If you don’t run, make sure you have an ironclad prenup.” ~ auntlynnie
“You can have a wonderful wedding for like 2k.”
“Though with your current guest list, maybe more like 5k.”
“It really isn’t hard; it should be about the people and the love; the other stuff really doesn’t matter.”
“I’d say spend 5-10k on the wedding and drop 30k on the most amazing honeymoon ever.”
“Then save 80k for real life.”
“And most importantly, find someone who isn’t a self-important jacka** to do all this with. NTA.” ~ kiwipixi42
“Is HE financially well off, or is it just your dad’s money that is being used to pay for the wedding?”
“If it’s the latter, your fiancé has an awful lot to say about a day that he’s not even paying for.”
“120k, in my opinion, is a ridiculous amount to spend on one day- I think you’re being completely sensible. NTA.” ~ iwantaponytoo
“Your fiancé is 8 years older than you.”
“You are paying for the wedding and honeymoon.”
“How much is he and his family contributing?”
“Since he has dreamt of such a grand wedding, how much has he saved?”
“Your guest list should be 50/50 why does he get 120 guests when you only get 60 plus all of the bill?”
“I suggest you save all the 120k in an account only in your name to pay for your divorce.”
“Let him pay for the entire wedding. NTA.” ~ dncrmom
“NTA but… How much is he contributing?”
“He wants a wedding ‘he would love.'”
“How wealthy is he?”
“I really, really, really hope that you have a prenup.”
“This sounds like a disaster in the making, please think carefully if this is the life you want.”
“I wish you all the best for all of your future endeavors.” ~ Kukka63
“Probably NTA. If you’re not sure, then here’s how you’ll know…”
“Step 1: Take the entire 120k and invest it in a low-risk equity fund/with an investment manager you trust.”
“Step 2: Ditch the groom, he sounds like school on Saturday: NO CLASS.”
“Step 3: Whenever your dad asks about returning the money, start talking about how emotionally abused you were by that AH until the subject changes, cry if needed.”
“Step 4: Find a new groom who isn’t so transparently greedy and who doesn’t try to project their own crappy personality traits onto you.”
“Step 5: Don’t tell him a thing about the money.
“Step 6: Use the proceeds of the fund to pay for a modest wedding of your dreams, stash away a little extra for future kids, or – if it’s there and you want to – repay your old man his original 120k.”
“Step 7: Have an amazing life, you deserve it.” ~ rt_gilly
“NTA. Step back and postpone.”
“Your emotional reactions speak volumes.”
“You need to be in a better place to move forward.”
“Your gut is telling you something that your mind isn’t listening to.”
“I can’t tell what is really going on from your post but you are too anxious and stressed out for what should be a happy time.”
“Please back away and take care of yourself.”
“If it is indeed a forever love then he and everyone else should understand.” ~ feminist1946
“The one who sounds greedy and very self-centered is your fiancé.”
“You’re being fiscally responsible.”
“Also, his negligent way of responding when you asked for help planning is not all right.”
“I would take a step back, examine your relationship with this man, and consider if he’s the right man for you.”
“It sounds like he’s all on board for taking advantage of your family’s wealth, and that’s a red flag. NTA.” ~ Regular_Boot_3540
“NTA and you’ve got bigger problems.”
“Call off the wedding and get into counseling.”
“Your future husband shouldn’t be obnoxious to you while planning your wedding.” ~ analyst19
“You’re NTA in your shoes, I’d be very concerned about how easily your fiancé is at spending your money.”
‘He wants his dream wedding?”
“120 guests to your 60?”
“OP, he’s not going to change his approach to finances.”
“It’s going to get worse after your marriage.”
“Step back and take a good hard look at the situation.”
“You may love him, but you’re allowing yourself to prioritize him before you, and it’s still not good enough.”
“This won’t change unless you change it.”
“Good luck to you.” ~ ChaoticCrashy
“NTA. Well, you’re going to hear a lot of people saying you should not marry this person.”
“The fact that he wants you to spend all the money is concerning.”
“The fact that you are making your emotions small so that he isn’t triggered is concerning.”
“Please realize we’re all rooting for you, and that we would love to see you happy.”
“We just don’t think this person is the one that will accomplish this.”
“You are NOT greedy.”
“You are NOT rude.”
“He is acting entitled and greedy himself.”
“This is called projecting.”
“Please don’t go to therapy with him, people like this are known to use the process to make their partner’s lives even worse.”
“I hope this is a wake-up call for you.”
“Does he think he will be entitled to your family’s money after you are married?”
“Do you have a prenup?”
“I understand this is a very small piece of a very big picture, but it really doesn’t look good.”
“I wish you the best.” ~ Diograce
“NTA, I know this is what every Reddit person says on wedding posts but.”
“You’re sure you want to marry this man?”
“Maybe it’s just the stress of the wedding getting to him and usually he’s super nice but this does not sound like behavior I would want from a fiance as we’re about to go into our life bound together.”
“To me, it seems like you’re being the opposite of greedy, and he is the one who wants to be greedy about the wedding.”
‘You’re trying to spend less money overall by making your allotted money to go more things.”
“He literally told you he lied to your face about other people thinking badly of you, so you’d try and change your mind on a reasonable decision that you were discussing with him.”
“He apparently was super big on having a giant grand wedding, yet rushed through the actual details enough to make you cry.”
“I am so serious, is this the first time he’s had awful behavior like this?”
“Are there any other red flags you may have missed?”
“Because all of this would make me look at him and call it all off.” ~ Unusual_Fan440
“NTA. Don’t marry this man.”
“How he treats you during the wedding planning is a preview of your entire marriage.”
“This man will be a dismissive, selfish, entitled prick for the rest of your life.” ~ JennieGee
“So, my family is not nearly as well off as yours, so take this with a grain of salt, as our guests did not have as lofty of expectations as yours might.”
“However, my husband and I’s wedding, while not extravagant, was suitably nice.”
“I kept costs down but made sure the quality was still good.”
“I didn’t choose the cheapest options, but the options that I felt were the best value.”
“From what I’ve heard, our guests had fun and thoroughly enjoyed the evening.”
“Total cost? ~$8k for 200 guests (this did not include the venue cost as we used my grandparent’s church and they refused to tell us if/what it cost to use).”
“Granted, this was in 2018 and prices have gone up some since then, but $70k is MORE than enough to have a very nice, memorable wedding.”
“Using less than the full amount isn’t greedy and rude; it’s being fiscally responsible and NOT wasteful.”
“It does not seem like you and your fiance are aligned financially, and he does not seem willing to compromise or see your point of view.”
“It would be one thing if there was a specific service/ vendor/ venue/ etc that your fiancé wanted to use, but you immediately shut it down due to cost.”
“THAT would warrant further discussion, and you would be the unreasonable one in that scenario.”
“But to simply call you rude and greedy for not overspending unnecessarily?”
“That’s concerning.” ~ asimpledruidgirl
“NTA. HE wants to go over budget because HE wants a bigger wedding and to not take the time to even think over costs and compare them?”
“But it’s YOU who is the greedy one?”
“He is projecting so much he could run a theater.”
“Hoarding the money?”
“Saving it so you can spend it on you and he and your future family is hoarding?”
“You might want to talk to your dad and a lawyer because his greed is showing.” ~ centipedalfeline
“NTA. And DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN until AFTER the two of you have gone through some serious pre-nuptial counseling.”
“The number one reason that people divorce is over money issues.”
“And you two are not even on the same continent, let alone the same page.”
“This is important OP.”
“Do it. You and your future children deserve it.” ~ Spiritual_Cry3316
“What is your fiancé contributing to his own wedding?”
“He’s the greedy and rude one wanting a lavish wedding on another man’s dime, which is embarrassing.”
“I don’t care if it’s a tradition that the father of the bride pays – guessing he’s selectively traditional and is not about being a provider and paying for everything?” ~ UnusualPotato1515
“My thought exactly.”
“OP: you’re correct, in my opinion, a wedding is just one day.”
“A fun day.”
“A great day.”
“A celebratory day.”
“But is it wise to spend a crapload of money on that one day?”
“Easy to make that decision when it’s not your money (OP’s fiancé).”
“OP is making the wiser choice here with her finances. NTA.” ~ Usernametaken050
“I’m really worried about his attitude here.”
“He knows you come from money and this gift is huge.”
“You are looking forward to your view.”
“Does he want to spend it all because he thinks your parents will see you right?”
“That’s apart from his manipulation and lies.”
“You have a bigger problem than money.” ~ GoddessfromCyprus
OP responded…
“Thank you for your thoughts.”
“We are currently in premarital counseling, and I think revisiting our finances and what our goals are would be important.”
“To answer the question, he has offered to ask his side of the family to pay for some things like the rehearsal, etc.”
“But I have actually asked him not to.”
“I think that the gift we have been given has been more than generous and that we could have a really beautiful wedding for 70k.”
“Some comments have pointed out that he may not have felt like he was a part of that decision-making process and felt left out, disrespected, and not heard.”
“I think he may have been feeling that way so my plan is to go back and ask him to go through the process with me so we are both on board but still stay firm in my wish to save money for our future children because I no longer feel guilty about not being able to have the biggest wedding.”
Well, OP, it sounds like you have a tight plan.
Money issues can be the biggest problems in most relationships.
Also, it is good to be in counseling, pre-wedding issues can cause a ton of hurdles.
Reddit is with you.
Stand your ground.
Good luck and congratulations!!!