Being a good friend with manners means helping whenever you can.
Especially, if those meant to be helping are not doing their job. But, some people think lending an extra hand is stepping on other's toes.
Redditor bridalshower_aita encountered this very issue with her friend. So she turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
"AITA for 'acting like a bridesmaid'?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Throwaway because I'm not sure if anyone else involved in this uses Reddit."
"My friend 'Carrie' had her bridal shower last weekend. I was staying with her since we don't live near each other, so I went a couple hours early with her."
"When we got to the venue, it was just Carrie, Carrie's MOH (who is six months pregnant), Carrie's mom, and two of Carrie's aunts there to help set up. So I offered to help and spent a couple hours setting up decorations and getting food ready."
"None of Carrie's bridesmaids showed up until 10 minutes before the shower started."
OP helped out however she could.
"During the shower itself I didn't do much, but while Carrie was opening presents I was on trash duty."
"Carrie's MOH was writing down who gave Carrie what, one bridesmaid was recording Carrie, and one was giving presents to Carrie. Rather than let all the trash pile up, I offered to put it in a garbage bag as Carrie was done with it so her mom could sit back and watch her open presents."
"When the shower ended her bridesmaids left, leaving Carrie, her MOH, her mom, her two aunts, and her fiancé (who had shown up for the end) to clean everything up and get all the gifts to Carrie's car. I had to wait on a ride anyway, so I helped them clean everything up."
One of the bridesmaids reached out to OP.
"A few days later, I got a Facebook message from one of the bridesmaids."
"She said I shouldn't have stepped in and acted like a bridesmaid because it wasn't my place. I explained that I wasn't trying to act like a bridesmaid at all, and that while I was there I just figured I should help out."
"She reiterated that wasn't my place and I should have left it to the actual bridesmaids."
"I didn't think I was being an a**hole, but a couple of my friends who know what happened think I might have stepped on some toes and acted like an a**hole."
"AITA?"
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
"NTA - Maybe that bridesmaid should have acted like a bridesmaid then."
"But also you were acting like the good friend that you are. You don't need an official label/role to act like that." ~ Not_Cleaver
"Bingo."
"OP acted like a caring friend and thoughtful guest, keeping bride and mother of bride free to enjoy the day."
"Bridesmaid could have, at any time, said 'thanks for the help, let me take care of that' but chose not to and worse, tried to shame OP for doing the right thing." ~ wildcat12321
"They were being shit and most likely got called out on it with 'OP wasn't even a bridesmaid and she helped.'"
"My mom raised me with a nervous fear that if there's something to be done and I'm not doing it I will get in trouble, so I frequently find myself cleaning up or helping out in some way regardless of the event or situation. Don't sweat it" ~ JoefromOhio
"Exactly. Then bridesmaids didn't bother to show up early to help or to stay to clean up. You were being a good friend but now they think you're a 'friend-zilla' (not an actual thing)."
"You were being helpful and they're projecting their own insecurities. Show the messages to your friend and tell her to call off her bridesmaid-zillas." ~ Anonymotron42
Many were confused as to why the bridesmaid would say that?
"Yup. Basically a 'how dare you make me and my friends look bad with your thoughtfulness.' Wouldn't surprise me if the MOH was livid at the bridesmaids and let them know about it." ~ Inconceivable76
"I wasn't aware helping clean up and set up was specifically bridesmaid duty. I would've done the exact same thing had I been in OP's shoes. It's called being a good person and a good friend." ~ kate3544
"NTA, maybe she should have made you a bridesmaid since you seem a bit more considerate... either way, you're a good friend for helping regardless of what the other girls think or say." ~ erinwnr
"The bride won't learn that lesson til after the wedding. OP should keep doing what's she's doing... being a good caring friend. If they feel some type of way that's on them." ~ KindergartenBullshit
"Lol this is so true. At one of my childhood friend's weddings, I was the only one out of the group we grew up with that wasn't a bridesmaid."
"I was ostracized from the group in college at the behest of another girl."
"Fast forward a few years and we're both living in the same city where she has a baby. She went through postpartum psychosis, and a year later, I'm still the only one of her friends who she was comfortable telling. I don't get people sometimes but I've definitely seen this more than once." ~ bahuranee
Many argued the bridesmaid was the a**hole.
"NTA"
"But that bridesmaid was. You were helping your friend. The. End."
"Unless you friend complained about it, which would be wrong and I'd say reevaluate that friendship, you did nothing wrong at all. The bridesmaid was probably pissy cuz you made her look bad, this is her own insecurity on what a crappy friend and bridesmaid she was being."
"I'm torn whether you should bring it up to the bride or not tho. On one hand I feel like she might want to know how her bridesmaid is acting and treating people, I damn sure would shoot I'd fire the bridesmaid and promote you!"
"On the other hand there could be drama and you'd be adding stress to the bride. Maybe leave it alone and bring it up after the wedding or if she does something else/worse."
"You did good tho!!" ~ kalkiki
"I would 'apologize' to the bride for getting in the way. Either she'll accept and you'll know how she feels or she'll question why and give the bridesmaid a talking to for being rude and unhelpful." ~ meowie_mouse
Maybe her bridesmaids can offer to help more often so OP doesn't have to step in.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.