We always want to be there for our family and hope our family will be there for us when we need them. However, the older we get, the more we must appreciate that life will get in the way and that our family will not always be able to be at our side at a moment’s notice.
Nor should we expect them to drop everything and come to our rescue, as it likely would not be appreciated if that was their expectation of us.
Redditor PiersKerr4421 happily did her sister a favor when she needed to leave town for long periods.
One thing the original poster (OP) did not expect, however, was that this would eventually become an almost regular occurrence.
It was so regular, in fact, that her sister even stopped asking her and just expected it of her.
Recently, however, the OP had no choice but to tell her sister she wouldn’t be able to help her owing to her own commitments.
A declaration the OP’s sister felt was blatantly “selfish.”
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to take care of my sister’s dog while she went on vacation?”
The OP explained why her sister felt she was being “selfish” for declining her request to help her out:
“So, my sister (30 F[emale]) has always loved to travel, and every time she goes away, she asks me (27 F) to take care of her dog.”
“At first, it wasn’t an issue — I love animals, and her dog is really sweet.”
“But lately, it’s become a regular thing, and she doesn’t even ask if it’s convenient for me; she just assumes I will do it.”
“Recently, she decided to go on a two-week vacation, and of course, she asked me again to take care of her dog.”
“The problem is, I’m currently working on a big project and have very little free time.”
“I told her honestly that I wouldn’t be able to help this time.”
“She was really disappointed and called me selfish, saying I’m the only one she can trust with her dog.”
“My parents are also on her side, saying I should find a way to help because it’s family.”
“But I simply can’t manage it this time.”
“Now I feel guilty, but I also feel like my boundaries aren’t being respected.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to dogsit while her sister went on vacation:
Everyone agreed that if anyone was being selfish, it was the OP’s sister for just expecting the OP to be able to dogsit for her at any given moment, with others equally surprised by the behavior of their parents:
“NTA.”
“The only person being selfish is her. It’s your job.”
“Your work.”
“Versus her vacation.”
“And her responsibility/pet.”
“Tell her if she would have checked with you first, you could have let her know it wasn’t a good time but you do have bills to pay.”- November-8485
“NTA.”
“‘She was really disappointed and called me selfish’.”
“Yeah, so f*cking what?”
“Why should you be worried about her problem?”
“It is sh*t of her creation and of her ability to resolve.”- StAlvis
“NTA: Your sister can hire a pet sitter, pet sitting service, or board her dog.”
“It’s not selfish to be unable to accommodate someone asking for a favor because you have other commitments.”
“My parents are also on her side, saying I should find a way to help because it’s family.”
“Well, there you go, she can ask your parents to pet sit.”- Peony-Pony
“NTA.”
“Families often end up doing this, but it’s not okay.”
“She needs to be asking in advance if you are happy to, and if you say no, then that should be the end of it regardless of the reason.”
“It’s more than okay for her to ask (not assume), but equally, you have the right to say no.”
“Don’t feel guilty, you need to put yourself first and people should not have pets if they don’t have more than one option for them to be looked after if away.”
“Side question, why can’t your parents take the dog if they are that concerned?”- blissfulnature17
“NTA.”
“‘Your travel hobby is entirely supported by foisting your dog on me for extended periods of time’.”
“‘It has now reached the point where you are taking advantage of me, not asking me in advance, and in fact ignoring that I have obligations in my life preventing me from being a good choice for Toto’s care on your trip’.”
“‘The in-home care I provide would cost you [$125/day before tip] in our area, and you’d have to arrange it well in advance’.”
“‘I don’t understand how you cannot accept that I’m not available this time, and without a guilt trip or even an acknowledgement of the imposition’.”-Typical2sday
“NTA.”
“So you’ve always helped her out, for free I bet, and the one time you can’t because of WORK, your actual job, she calls you selfish?”
“Wow.”
“Sounds like your parents are volunteering to take the dog then, right?”
“Family helps family!”- Jerseygirl2468
“NTA sister is selfish and tells moms and pops to run over there and take care of the dog while she is away.”
“You need to keep your job.”- MrsNobodyspecial67
“NTA.”
“This is why kennels, dog sitters, and Rover exist.”
“Mom and Dad can do it if it is a ‘family helps family’ thing.”
“Their turn.”- Odd-End-1405
“NTA.”
“Just because you’ve helped in the past doesn’t mean you can help every single time.”
“Hopefully, this helps her to stop taking advantage of you and to value your help more in the future, including to the point of checking her travel days with you first.”
“And it sounds like your parents need to have a turn at watching the dog since they have decided to have Opinions about it!”
“Honestly this is one of the main reasons I don’t have a dog- because you have to figure out how to have it properly cared for when you’re traveling without it.”
“If I had a sister who was willing to take care of my pet, I would be so grateful- not entitled and expecting/demanding a (free?) dog-sitting service like your sister!”
“You have been so kind and generous to help her.”
“But it’s healthy to have boundaries and decide when you are just not able to help.”
“She chose to own a pet.”
“She doesn’t get to shift the inconvenience of owning a pet onto you.”
“It’s not your responsibility, it’s hers.”
“She’s trying to make her problem into your problem!”- Lizwings
“NTA.”
“You are never obligated to take care of someone else’s pet.”
“Given you’ve done so several times already, you are doubly not obligated to do so this time.”
“Has she ever paid you for caring for her dog, either with money or by doing favors for you?”
“I am guessing not, so it is clear who the ‘selfish’ one is here.”
“If your parents think you should find a way to help because it’s family, then perhaps they can find a way to help by watching the dog themselves?”- poeadam
“NTA.”
“Sounds like your parents are the lucky dog sitters this time.”- TigerGuitarist
“NTA.”
“It’s nice to help when you reasonably can, but ultimately, the consequences of other people’s decisions – like deciding to have a dog and deciding to travel a lot – are on them.”
“Given your parents’ opinion on the matter, it sounds like they can look after the dog.”
“I bet they think whatever their own reason they can’t is fine, though.”- Recent_Midnight5549
“NTA.”
“Your parents can watch the dog; if they refuse, they’re selfish.”
“Anyone who calls out someone for not doing something, yet won’t do it themselves, it’s automatically out of line.”
“She can board the dog, find someone else, or not go.”- KittenKingdom000
“NTA.”
“If you’re really the only person she trusts to take care of her dog, she would’ve aka should’ve talked with you before making her plans.”- golfromeofoxy
“NTA.”
“Sorry but if she’s that picky with who she trusts to watch her dog then she either needs to be more considerate of you and/or not go on so many vacations.”
“Or lower he standard.”
“I love my pets, but it’s a dog, unless it has some insane medical issues (which would make you even less of TA). Any semi-random person in her life could watch it.”- Reasonable-Ad-3605
The OP was doing her sister a huge favor.
A favor which sadly wasn’t appreciated and instead resulted in the OP’s sister taking advantage of her.
And when a favor is not appreciated, the best thing to do is stop doing favors for that individual.
At least until they learn something about gratitude.