While the United States is, for the most part, a great place to live, there are still plenty of Americans who think about other countries with envy.
Particularly when it comes to health insurance.
However imperfect healthcare in other countries may be, many Americans are still plotting ways to move to Canada in order to avoid needing to take out a second mortgage on their home should they wind up in the ER.
Redditor drthwau lucked out by managing to make France her permanent home.
As a result, the original poster (OP) didn’t have to pay a cent after giving birth to her first child.
Something which did not please the OP’s sister one bit, who went on to say that they felt it was only fair if the OP rectified the unfair situation herself.
Something the OP flat-out refused to do.
Worried that she was being unkind to her sister, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to help my sister with her hospital bills?”
The OP explained how her somewhat fraught relationship with her sister came to a head following the birth of her first child.
“I (28 F[emale]) just had my first baby 2 months ago.”
“My sister (33 F) had her third baby less than a week ago.”
“Now to the relevant background: when I was 18, I came to France on an exchange program, and I just fell in love with the country.”
“Then I decided to go to college here, met my husband, and just moved here permanently.”
‘My sister hated the fact that I left the US. She took any opportunity she could to trash talk France, trash talk ‘socialism and communism,’ trash talk my husband and his family…etc.”
“It got to the extent that I went low contact (LC) with her.”
‘When I had my kid, my parents came to stay with me for a month.”
‘My mom was very impressed by the fact that we paid nothing to have this baby.”
‘I didn’t have to pay for my checkups, my mandatory lab work, the birth itself, the hospital stay, and some post-natal care that includes pelvic floor rehab.”
“I didn’t even have to pay for a preventative dentist appointment.”
‘Apparently, the same thing in the US would cost in the tens of thousands of dollars.”
“Anyways, they left directly to my sister’s, she needed help (had some health scare), and they planned to stay with her until she gave birth and then for a while after to help with the kids.”
“I called to congratulate her when she gave birth, sent a gift and all that.”
“She was pissy even then.”
“Then yesterday she called me, told me that her hospital bills were over $20k because of some complications and that it wasn’t fair that I didn’t pay anything at all (apparently my mom kept bringing up the fact that it was free for me).”
“She said since I didn’t have to spend a cent, then I can afford to help her, so she too can afford to stay with her kid instead of going back to work ASAP.”
“Here’s where I might be the AH. Even though I could afford to send her a couple thousand, I refused to do so purely because of how much she looked down on my decision to move to France and marry a French man.”
“So all I told her is, ‘Sorry I can’t help you.'”
“‘But you are free to come to give birth to your next child here.'”
“Even as a foreigner, it won’t cost you more than 3k.'”
“She called me a condescending AH and said she will be going no contact (NC) with me.”
“So AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to pay her sister’s medical bills.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s sister’s demand was not only outrageous but also illogical, particularly after her years of making fun of her sister’s decision to live in France, with some pointing out how her sister should have thought more carefully about having a third child if she couldn’t afford it.
“NTA.”
“Your sister had two other children.”
“She knows the cost in the US.”
“Your finances aren’t tied to her in any way.”
“She needs to keep her entitlement in her lane.”- Prudent_Border5060
“NTA.”
“She bullied you into going LC, and then she comes begging for money?”
“That is really toxic.”
“You did the right thing. Otherwise, she would beg for more money in the future.”
‘Congrats on the baby!”
“Focus on your child. She also should.”- elineelmo
“NTA.”
“I am very confused by the number of family members who expect other family members to help pay their bills.”
“I see so many on here.”
“How is that the norm?”- Middle_Personality62
“NTA.”
“You’re not responsible for others’ medical bills.”
“She’s acting out of jealousy and selfishness.”
“’yOu cAn AfFoRd iT’ is the dumbest reason to give a handout to someone who doesn’t deserve it.”-housemusick
“NTA.”
“The sheer entitlement of your sister is baffling.”
“It’s not your responsibility whatsoever to pay for her hospital bills.”
‘She chose where to give birth; she can damn well pay her own bills.”- thatshygal717
“NTA.”
“You’re not responsible for her choice to have a child, and if she spent so long ranting about the evils of socialism or whatever, then shouldn’t she be happy to pay $20K to live in such a wonderful, capitalist country?”
“Your sister sounds petty and selfish, don’t give her a cent.”- Call_Me_Anythin
“NTA.”
“She trashes socialism, but then she wants to reap the benefits of socialized medicine.”- AgentAlpo
“The nerve of you moving to a country that believes everyone should have medical care and shouldn’t have to worry about being burdened by debt from them!”
“It is so unfair that you pay taxes to support this system and then get the benefits of the system!”
“The US system is supposed to screw over other people, not your sister!”
“If it wasn’t obvious, NTA.”- Miriamathome
“I’m all for helping family, but this is absurd.”
“She should stop having babies if she can’t afford it.”
“NTA.”- _herenorthere66
“NTA.”
“If she had decided to give birth in France, she wouldn’t have $20k debt so…”
“Plus, you’re not financially responsible for her reproductive choices.”
“Ever.”
“This is a matter of principle, in my opinion.”
“She demanded. You told her no.”
“She’s pitching a fit.”
“Too bad for her.”
“She can learn to live with disappointment.”- IamIrene
“NTA.”
“Also, her argument is wrong.”
“You DO pay for health care. It’s in your taxes.”
“Healthcare isn’t free. It’s just funded differently.”
“For example (quick google), if you earn 28,000 Euros in France your tax rate is 31.8%, but in the US it would be 20.3%, and the top tax rate is like 25 basis point higher (59.4% vs 34.2%).”
“But that’s beside the point.”- angelaheidt
“NTA.”
“She’s against socialized medicine until she needs it for herself, classic.”
“Glad you told her no.”
“Also, I’m jealous. I have visited France a few times, various areas, and really loved it.”-Jerseygirl2468
“I’m sure every comment will be level-headed.”
“NTA, btw.”
“It’s petty AF but consequences of her own decisions.”
“Let that sink into her.”
“That’s the Find Out phase.”- menides
“It’s not for free. We pay much higher taxes here in Europe.”
“You just prepaid your care.”
“And, of course, it’s totally worth it.”
“I do not get why people in the US support all this.”- Odd_Dandelion
“NTA.”
“I would have thought someone who hates ‘socialism and communism’ so much would have been happy to pay for her own medical bills.”- ExistenceRaisin
“NTA.”
“She’s trying to capitalize on your ‘communist’ lifestyle all while decrying it as immoral and beneath her.”
“Honestly, even if she were totally into the idea of public healthcare, you don’t owe her a red cent.”
“What she’s asking for is charity, and it’s not your job to fund her lifestyle.”
“Life in France can be quite expensive in other ways.”- mencryforme5
“NTA.”
“she drank the right wing koolaid, but suddenly wishes she lived in a better country once it would have benefitted her, or take ‘socialism’ in the form of someone else paying her bills.”
“Karma.”
“F that noise.”
“I think you were totally petty and condescending in the most absolutely fabulous and deserved way!”- txa1265
One can’t blame the OP’s sister for being jealous.
That she would actually expect the OP to pay her medical bills, on the other hand, is truly baffling.
Particularly after she made no effort to be supportive of the OP’s life.
Had she treated the OP with the love and support she deserved, perhaps the OP might have offered to help.
Making one hope the OP’s sister will cease her incessant criticisms of France.