One universal truth is that when we discover a surprising piece of information, it’s only natural that we would want to share it with someone.
But if that information should be kept on the down-low, we should be super mindful of who we tell, or else there might be consequences, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
After discovering more about his girlfriend’s work history, Redditor thomasxd24 was so surprised, he shared what he’d found out with his friends.
But when the gossip led to his girlfriend losing her job, the Original Poster wondered if he had been wrong to share.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for accidentally ruining my girlfriend’s career?”
The OP’s girlfriend loved her job as a teacher.
“I’m in a tough spot right now and I’m not sure if I’m the a**hole or not.”
“My girlfriend (27 Female), let’s call her Sarah, and I (26 Male) have been together for three years.”
“She’s always been passionate about her job as a teacher and has worked really hard to build up her career.”
The OP recently found out more about his girlfriend’s work history.
“However, a few weeks ago, I accidentally stumbled upon some photos of Sarah on Instagram that I had never seen before. They were pictures of her in some very revealing clothing, and some of them were even nude.”
“I was shocked and confronted her about it, and she told me that she used to be a lingerie model before becoming a teacher.”
“She said she stopped doing it because she didn’t want it to affect her career, and she thought I knew about it already.”
Shocked, the OP shared this information with his friends.
“I didn’t know how to react at first, but eventually, I told a few of my friends about it.”
“One of my friends is a gossip and ended up telling someone who works at the school where Sarah teaches.”
“Long story short, the photos somehow got into the hands of the school board, and Sarah was fired for ‘unprofessional behavior.'”
“Sarah is devastated and blames me for ruining her career. She says that I should have kept my mouth shut and that I betrayed her trust.”
“I feel terrible about what happened, but I didn’t know that it would lead to this.”
“AITA for accidentally ruining my girlfriend’s career?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were furious with the OP and agreed he ruined his girlfriend’s career.
“YTA. If it upset you, her devoted boyfriend, why in Sam Hill did you not realize others would react negatively? Why do you even have to ask? I hope she’s able to relocate and make a new life away from the gossip and narrow-mindedness of you and your community.” – DatabaseMoney3435
“OP, YTA!”
“He legit said he knew one of them was a gossip. He knew exactly what he was doing. He would still be TA even if she didn’t lose her job. And how does he just ‘stumble upon’ old photos of her, out of millions of photographs on Instagram?”
“I hope she can appeal this decision and for it to be considered an unfair dismissal.” – ZeldaMayCry
“YTA, because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut. The pictures shocked you. You had to know they might shock others.”
“Yes, these pictures could have gotten around eventually, but you expedited it AND broke your girlfriend’s trust.”
“She has every right to send you packing at this point. You showed her that you are not on her side, and that’s a requirement of a good partner.” – MsJamieFast
“He became the AH the second he was a judgmental bast**d. Her body, her choice. Everything afterward just compounded his a**holery.” – Ok_Development74
“ESH, except for Sarah.”
“It’s a bit old-fashioned to be taken aback by your girlfriend having modeled before. Additionally, if the pictures are allowed on Instagram, I don’t expect them to show full-on nudity.”
“You had no business discussing it with friends. It’s not even your thing to share. Especially to someone you know is a major gossip. What were you thinking?”
“Your friend is AH for continuing the gossip further. Why did they even think it was their business?”
“The school board is collectively an AH for firing her from her job, for something that happened in the past, AND for hardly being inappropriate. She didn’t do anything illegal or highly inappropriate, and I think (depending on the country), she might have a case to fight the dismissal.” – Tigarana
Others were particularly miffed about the OP’s use of the word, “accidentally.”
“He is insecure. Those are the actions of an insecure person with a fragile ego that seems to think that his girlfriend’s body belongs to him.”
“Why else would he try to punish her by telling people who he knows gossip about her past which he seems to have a problem with? Walks like a duck. Quacks like a duck. It is a duck.”
“And the kicker is, he takes zero accountability. An accident, he says. Sure, it was…” – thebohoberry
“Well, at least his girlfriend’s next boyfriend won’t have to worry about ACCIDENTALLY ruining her career because it’s already been taken care of.” – blueblue007j3
“YTA. You say your friend is a gossip but you literally gossiped about your girlfriend to your friends. I am a teacher. Teachers are held to a different standard than most people. You knew exactly what you were doing when you opened your big mouth and blabbed her secret.”
“You showed your girlfriend that she can’t trust you. You were upset that she was a lingerie model and didn’t tell you before so you punished her for it. Shame on you. She will have a very difficult time getting another teaching job.”
“You didn’t accidentally blab to your friends. You did that on purpose. So the fact that you ruined her career was not an accident. You’re just desperate to avoid looking like an a**hole. But you ARE an a**hole.” – ComprehensiveBand586
“The OP is like, ‘I accidentally told my friends this VERY specific thing about my girlfriend’s past even though I accidentally knew they liked to gossip, so they accidentally told the school board, who accidentally fired my girlfriend. Whoops!'”
“That’s not how ‘accidentally’ works.” – Mindless_Potato123
“I could never imagine being this petty to my significant other.”
“Accidental is a HUGE stretch, this wasn’t accidental, this was done out of spite and just to be malicious to his girlfriend.”
“I feel so bad for her, OP quite honestly tarnished her reputation out of spite. I wouldn’t doubt if there are more red flags his poor girlfriend completely ignored.”
“This poor woman needs to completely start fresh. A new city, a new apartment, and a NEW BOYFRIEND. I would break up with this person in a heartbeat.”
“They can’t bulls**t over 1k of us by telling us they had absolutely no clue their friend would gossip, they absolutely did. But who would’ve thought, they’re two peas in a pod, and usually friends attract those who have similar mindsets.”
“YTA OP, A massive one. Not only do you owe your gf a huge apology, but you also owe her the relief of getting the h**l out of her life.” – PlagueeRatt
But some understood how this situation happened without anyone being an AH.
“NTA. You found a public page with public images. If you found them, anyone else could have found them. She got fired for having those images publicly online, not because you found them.” – Bosh77
“I’ve almost never had a stronger opposite opinion to the ‘consensus’ of AITA than this post.”
“I’m leaning towards a light ‘ESH’ here because OP really didn’t have to tell anyone about this. But honestly, if Sarah apparently decided that it’s OK to leave the pictures publicly accessible… What did she expect was going to happen? If this is Instagram she could have taken them down at any time.” – Spats_McGee
“If I found out my partner had been purposefully keeping anything from me, and then tried to dismiss my feelings about it with an, ‘I thought I’d told you about it,’ I’d turn to my friends for advice, too. I’m not sure how anyone comes up with Y. T. A. for turning to your friends for (what I imagine is) emotional support.” – vintagebutterfly_
“NTA. Looks like this may be an unpopular opinion, but it’s not like you went into her archived folder, and then unarchived them, and then sent them to the school. When she decided to stop modeling and become a teacher, she should have deleted them.” – kcl2e11
“NTA. I’m guessing she didn’t tell you and her claim of, ‘I thought I told you,’ was a bit of a lie.”
“Yeah, you probably shouldn’t have told people, but she should have actually told you about it with context and warnings without you having to find out with research. Basically: she wasn’t upfront and honest from the offset and now being disingenuous has come back to bite her.” – ilikerocksthatsing2
“NTA. Look, you shouldn’t have talked about it, but also, did she specify to you that she wanted this to be kept private? It seems to me that by putting her pictures up online, she didn’t want them private.”
“There’s a difference between her telling you in confidence and putting her pictures up for everyone she knows to see. By doing that, she would’ve been found out eventually, even if it wasn’t from you.” – Delishus_Frosting713
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in a comment.
“This has been a stressful day, but I do want to provide an update.”
“Firstly, Sarah and I are still together. I have taken full responsibility for my actions and am doing everything I can to help her financially until she finds a new job. She would be on her own if she decided to dump me, so the best I can do is to help her for now.”
“Secondly, we are considering moving to another state since I work remotely. It’s been a difficult decision, but we both feel that a fresh start in a new environment could be beneficial for us.”
“Lastly, I wanted to clarify that the photos I stumbled upon were not on Sarah’s main Instagram account, but rather on an alternate account that she had. While this doesn’t excuse my actions, I wanted to provide some context to the situation.”
The subReddit could understand the OP’s surprise when he discovered the photos on Instagram, but how he handled the situation left the sub divided.
Some empathized with him and his need to use his friends as a sounding board, but most were angry with him, pointing out how hard it is for teachers to find jobs without having any sort of negatively-perceived history following them.