After months, if not years, of stressful planning, the only thing a bride wants when her wedding day finally arrives is for it to be the happiest day of their lives.
And more often than not, they can be willing to overlook when one tiny element doesn’t go precisely to plan.
All that matters is that she, her new husband and the guests have a good time.
Redditor Key-Hovercraft-8396 was open to the fact that things were likely to go wrong at her wedding, and promised herself she wouldn’t worry should that happen.
But when her new husband did the one thing she begged him not to do, she had trouble hiding her anger.
Concerned she may have overreacted, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for being livid at my (now) husband?”
The OP explained how she told her soon-to-be husband that there was only one thing she unequivocally did not want to happen at her wedding, but was otherwise open to one, or many, things not going to plan on their special day.
“My (33 F[emale]) husband (30 M[ale]) and I got married last week.”
“I had been super chill throughout the whole wedding planning, and during the actual event.”
“Because I know sh*t happens and if anything goes wrong, or not exactly how we wanted, it’s not that big of a deal and may even make the wedding more memorable for the guests.”
“The one thing that I told my husband I didn’t want to happen was I didn’t want him smashing cake in my face.”
“I had a suspicion that he would find it funny to do it, so during the planning, I flat out told him not to do it.”
“I don’t think it’s funny, I don’t want to mess up my makeup that took hours to apply, and I don’t want cake on my expensive wedding dress.”
“I told him I would be livid if he did it.”
“He promised that he wouldn’t.”
But when the big day finally arrived, the OP found herself in for a most unpleasant surprise.
“Well, come the cake cutting time, what did he do?”
“Smashed the cake in my face! “
“It got on my dress, and messed up my makeup, just like I knew it would.”
“I’m pretty sure his friends convinced him to do it, not that that makes it any better.”
“I kept it together, went and cleaned myself up, and put on a smile for the rest of the reception.”
“But afterwards, I let loose on him.”
“I yelled at him that this was the ONE THING I asked him not to do, and he promised that he wouldn’t.”
“He told me I was being dramatic, that it’s not a big deal, and we should just be enjoying our time as newlyweds.”
“So was I being overly dramatic?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP had every right to be furious with her husband and was not the a**hole.
Just about everyone felt it was selfish and unkind of the OP’s husband to smash cake in her face when he knew how much it would upset her, with some even wondering if the OP should stay in this marriage.
“What worries me isn’t that he did the cake smashing itself.”
“It is his response back to you.”
“He should have apologized and listened to you, and really realized his mistake.”
“Instead, he diminished your very valid feelings and reasons.”
“Has he apologized yet?”
“For calling you over dramatic?”
“You: don’t do this ONE thing.”
“Him: does it.”
“You: are livid.”
“Him: surprised pikachu face.”- procrastinating_b.
“You asked for one thing and he didn’t listen.”
“What he did was so disrespectful and sets the tone for the rest of your marriage.”
“And he doubled down by saying you’re being dramatic instead of apologizing.”
“I’d be livid too!”- bonniebluest.
“You should’ve made a scene honestly.”
“And instead of apologizing, telling you that he stands behind that action is honestly even worse.”
“He does not regret it.”
“He lied to you and did something he know would hurt your feelings and now tells you he still doesn’t care.”
“I honestly don’t now where I would go from here.”
“Welcome to your future Ma’am.”
“What did he think was going to happen?”
“That you’d be fine with it after making it very clear that you would not be fine with it?”
“If you are not enjoying your time as newly weds, it’s entirely down to his behavior.”-Pleasant_Birthday_77.
“You had one boundary, and he broke it.”
“He acted like a child and doesn’t want to be called out on it.”
“So, he’s saying that YOU are being dramatic.”
“There’s an AH here, but it isn’t you.”- nothisTrophyWife.
“You married a child.”- Capital_Ad3482.
“No way, NTA.”
“I also got married last week and I told my husband the same thing.”
“It’s a basic request and quite simple.”
“It’s not funny, not cute, and super disrespectful he couldn’t refrain from doing the one thing you asked him not to.”- cruisegal224.
“It’s a dumb tradition that needs to go away.”
“You asked for one thing and he couldn’t respect that.”
“But the fact that he totally ignored your wishes is a very worrying sign.”
“He both broke a promise and ignored your boundaries.”
“Not at all cool.”- boniemonie.
“This is a variant on the classic ‘It was just a joke’ when the butt of the joke is far from amused.”
“Please consider an anullment.”
“This jacka** doesn’t have enough empathy to realize the implications of the concept that you, too, are a human being.”
“Ah, you didn’t want a trashy wedding, and you married someone who did.”
“I hope this works out for you.”
“I’ve never been to a wedding where the bridal couple smashed cake in each other’s faces.”
“Sounds dreadful.”- MakeupForBarnie.
“That’s a stupid ‘tradition’ that is completely disrespectful, especially when you asked him not to and he promised.”
“It’s also a huge red flag.”-jmgeo.
“Is it not too late for annulment?”
“I’d have went home after cleaning myself, he could have his party with his friends.”
“I’ve been with a guy who loves to smash cakes on birthdays.”
“Once candles are blown and first piece is taken, he’d grab whole cake and smash it on birthday person’s face.”
“I hated it.”
“He did it with me one time, for my next birthday I worn him against it.”
“What did he do , he smirked and smashed caked on me.”
“He was specially forceful and hurting, smearing butter cream on my hair very hard so to make it messy to clean up after while smirking all the way.”
“He found joy in it.”
“That was my last birthday with him.”
“He is 40 yo.”-kwhorona.
“For my wedding my hubs and I discussed that silly tradition too.”
“And we both agreed it was stupid.”
“But thought we should still give our guests a little enjoyment during that part.”
“So we opted to instead feed each other our slice of cake.”
“It was a sweet moment and made for really cute photos.”
“No cake smashing involved.”
“There was however a frosting mustache haha.”
“But a kiss or two took that off.”
“And again the photos for that were adorable.”
“Highly recommend it as an alternative for anyone out there with impending nuptials.”- holosexual90.
“You don’t want cake shoved in your face and that’s legit.”
“He specifically promised not to do that.”
“I hope this was a one off because if it ain’t you’re in for a long and difficult marriage.”- 4682458.
“You are justified for being pissed and letting him know it.”
“You have to ask yourself if this is a deal breaker for you?”
“If it is, it’s better to deal with this now.”
“If it’s not just move on past it.”
“If I was in a situation like this though being disrespected like this after specifically saying DO NOT DO THIS, I would be looking into an annulment.”
“Any SO needs to respect the others wishes and wants, whether they think it is a big deal or not.”-Tyberious_.
“That was him showing you that you aren’t allowed to have boundaries with him.”
“And that his wants are more important than your wants.”
“I’d be surprised if this is the only incident like this in your future.”-tenpercentofnothing
Blatantly doing the one thing your wife asked you not to do is a very strange way to begin a marriage.
One can only hope this isn’t a sign of how this marriage is going to be going forward.
Or this might be the first of many, justifiable, angry outbursts from the OP.