Weddings are usually such beautiful events.
All the colors and patterns can be so fetching to the eye.
The fashion is always part of the fun.
Sure, people can’t wait to see the bride’s dress, but it’s also joyful to see how family and friends pull out the red carpet looks.
However, sometimes the wedding theme can be difficult to adhere to.
Certain couples are very precise about what they want everyone to wear.
And those rules can cause some friction.
People want to look beautiful for the day, but they also want to be comfortable.
Case in point…
Redditor throwawaythechanges wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for not going to my S[ister] i[n] L[aw]’s wedding due to her dress code?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 25 F[emale] am having a conflict with my husband’s sister 36 F.”
“She is getting married in two weeks, and her dress code is incredibly complicated to adhere to for me.”
“It is black tie, long sleeves, and floor length gowns.”
“The conflict happened because I am currently 34 weeks pregnant and overheat very quickly.”
“And the wedding is entirely outside, in the middle of the day, in the southern USA where it is incredibly hot.”
“I cannot be in a long-sleeved floor-length gown in the heat for 8 hours.”
“I have sent her a few dresses to try to compromise, which I will link in the comments for further information, but she is completely adamant about exactly what she wants.”
“I told her yesterday that I cannot attend her wedding if she is not going to budge even slightly on the dress code.”
“I told her she has the right to have her wedding exactly how she wants it, for it to be her perfect day, but I have the right to look out for my own health.”
“She freaked out at me and told me I was being incredibly selfish and that ‘for once it isn’t about me and my f**king baby.'”
“Which she only said because she’s jealous, I’m having the first grandchild, and she felt like she should have had a baby before me and my husband.”
“Since then, my husband’s side of the family has told me I’m being selfish and just to compromise one day to keep the peace.”
“I don’t think I should need to compromise my health for her wedding.”
“Here are a few examples of the dresses I offered to wear…”
The OP was left to wonder,
“Am I the a**hole and being unreasonable?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Grabbing popcorn and waiting to see how many people actually adhere to said dress code.”
“Please let us know.” ~ yellange
“Yes, please. We need an update.” ~ Cool09161988
“We definitely do! Pregnant woman here!”
“There is no way I would be able to adhere to her dress code.”
“Today I just went outside in just a t-shirt and jeggings in 84-degree heat, and I was overheating, and I wasn’t out for 8 hrs.”
“When you’re pregnant your temperature is already higher than normal, without being forced to wear black tie attire.”
“NTA… tell the flying monkeys to go fly south for the winter.”
“Also, I don’t see anything wrong with your choices of dresses.” ~ Apart_Foundation1702
“Non-pregnant women here, and there is no way I would be able to adhere to that dress code.”
“Even if the wedding was indoors with A[ir] C[onditioning], unless the AC was the best AC in the world at set to max cooling, keeping the entire place at 65 degrees (or less).”
“I do not do well in heat and generally run very hot (yes, part of it is due to being overweight, but even when I wasn’t, I ran hotter than most people).”
“So wearing a floor-length dress with long sleeves would have me melted into a puddle very quickly.” ~ Rose_K91
“In the 90’s and feels like 112.”
“I’m from Florida. The only long sleeves I wear is a light sweater in winter.”
“She is definitely NTA.”
“The bride is going to have cases of heat stroke from the dress code.”
“I wouldn’t go either, and I’m not pregnant.”
“I hate the outside in the heat.”
“The bride is a moron.”
“Her makeup is going to run, and the pics will look horrible.” ~ cerrylovesbooks
“North Carolinian checking in.”
“I’m getting married on November 4th. Inside. With really good air conditioning.”
“I really hope it’s at least somewhat cooler by then because I’d like a few outdoor photos (late afternoon/early evening), but not if my makeup is going to melt and I’m going to die from overheating in my dress.”
“That bride is absolutely insane.”
“The heat indexes are well into the triple digits, and the humidity is like soup.”
“And she’s demanding they wear winter evening wedding garb.”
“This is going to fail spectacularly.” ~ ThrowAwayGarbage82
“Louisianian checking in.”
“It’s too damn hot for that kind of nonsense.”
“It’s not as bad as it was with the Heat Dome, but all outdoors? In September?”
“There is no damn way.”
“I’d look like a damn crawfish straight from the boil after 45 minutes, tops.”
“Also, unless there’s a modesty dress code thing, black tie doesn’t specify sleeve length.”
“Strapless gowns are black tie.”
“Which is why so many wedding gowns are strapless, they’re formal garments.”
“So either there’s a modesty thing happening, or the bride is hyper-controlling.”
“Or both. Both are also possible.” ~ dol_amrothian
“Black tie is for evening.”
“This bride thinks she’s being so super elegant, but she’s actually committing a major faux pas.”
“And the most an invitation should say is ‘black tie.'”
“Any further instructions are just rude. NTA.” ~ Prudent_Plan_6451
“I live in the Midwest, and it’s in the 90s this week too!”
“We went to a county fair the other day, and I had heat exhaustion!”
“I grew up in the South.”
“I cannot IMAGINE hosting an OUTDOOR WEDDING in early September with the temps in the 90s.”
“People can literally DIE.”
“That is not an exaggeration.”
“People have DIED in Southern heat before.”
“OP should wear the first dress because I think it’s STUNNING, but not to her sister’s wedding; she should tell her to f**k off.”
“Sorry, her SIL, not her sister.” ~ ZoominAlong
“Not pregnant here either, and there is no freaking way that I could deal with this dress code.”
“Heat is my enemy as well.”
“Mix it with my anxiety, and it’s a fiasco waiting to happen.”
“The last wedding I went to was on New Year’s and it completely sucked.”
“’Oh it’s winter. We don’t need air except for circulation.’”
“With a small room filled with a crap load of people, you need AC in any season.”
“For judgment… NTA.”
“The first dress is pretty as hell!!” ~ lil-peanutbutter
“NTA. Also, you should mention to her that a black tie wedding traditionally happens after 5:30 PM.”
“She should adjust her attire to garden party, which would be entirely appropriate.”
“Ok, don’t tell her that (although it’s true).”
“Just don’t go.”
“And have your husband deal with his sister.”
“It’s HIS job to deal with his family and HIS job to look after his very pregnant wife.” ~ Ok-Profession-9372
OP came back with some info…
“My husband has been incredibly supportive and has tried to shield me as much as possible.”
“And has told his sister that he’s not going to subject his wife and baby to that; he’s been great.”
“He’s also told me he’s not going to go, and it’s her wedding.”
“Neither of us is in the party. We’re just guests.”
“But also, I’ve told her black tie isn’t for a noon wedding in a field (which is where this wedding is).”
“I should add that he is on my side in the post!”
“Your husband is awesome, and your SIL is a pretentious wannabe.”
“A considerate and gracious host looks after the comfort of her guests, especially a heavily pregnant guest.”
“I thought your dress choices were lovely.”
“I think you should buy your favorite one, and then you and hubby have an awesome date night and even a weekend away instead of going to the wedding.” ~ BoudicaTheArtist
“NTA. Who has a black tie long sleeve only dress code in the summer?”
“What about older relatives or kids?”
“SIL is the major bu**hole.”
“It’s a major health risk for their guests.” ~ Cool09161988
“Wait… Black tie for an outdoor, daytime wedding? What??”
“You’re NTA regardless but black tie before dusk is wrong, and it’s wildly inappropriate to demand full-length gowns outdoors where hems will drag on dirt, grass and whatever else is on the ground.” ~rapt2right
“I read etiquette books for pleasure- the historical and anthropological angles are fascinating to me.”
“And I enjoy escaping into a world where every problem has a graceful solution and everyone except Mrs. Grundy truly wants to do the correct, graceful thing.”
“I feel very comfortable with saying that several generations of Posts, Vanderbilts, and Martins are trying hard not to wince too visibly and excusing themselves to check on the teakettle.”
“The bride is so wrong, on so many levels, but most notably, she’s violating the first commandment of hospitality: Every reasonable effort should be made to ensure that your guests are comfortable.” ~ rapt2right
“NTA. I got heatstroke at an outdoor wedding while pregnant last year.”
“It was miserable and scary.”
“Take care of yourself and your baby.” ~ Chemical-Season4358
“NTA. You are not obligated to give yourself heat stroke in order to appease your unbelievably rigid SIL.”
“Heat sickness is no joke, and trying to force a pregnant woman to subject herself to that in an attempt to “keep the peace” is absolutely ridiculous.”
“Tell your family and especially your SIL to go kick rocks.” ~ prairiemountainzen
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You have to put yourself and your baby first.
An outdoor late summer wedding?
In the South?
In a field?
Glad you have your husband’s support.
Stay focused on your family.
Let the others focus on the wedding.
Congratulations and good luck.