Weddings. Are. Expensive.
But the financial burden doesn’t only fall on the bride and groom and their families.
Often times, the wedding party and close friends are expected to contribute in one way or another, usually in the form of both manual labor and forking over money for various expenses.
The wants and asks of the spouses-to-be, however, isn’t always feasible for their near and dear.
A person on Reddit is considering saying, “I don’t,” to being in their best friend’s wedding after the bride-to-be practically demanded an incredibly expensive gift, so they turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor dang_zoey asked:
“AITA for not attending my best friend’s wedding because I can’t afford the expensive gift they’re expecting?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ve been best friends with /Sarah’ for over a decade.”
“When she got engaged, she mentioned that she was hoping for a ‘generous’ gift, implying something around $1,000.”
But that’s just not in OP’s budget.
“I’m currently struggling financially due to unexpected medical bills and can’t afford such an extravagant gift.”
“I told Sarah I’d be there to celebrate with her but that I’d only be able to contribute a modest amount.”
That, however, didn’t seem good enough for ‘Sarah.’
“She seemed disappointed and said that it would reflect poorly on me if I didn’t contribute significantly, as she’s seen others give expensive gifts.”
And now OP might bow out entirely.
“Now, I’m considering not attending the wedding at all to avoid the awkwardness.”
“I feel torn between wanting to support my friend and being honest about my financial situation.”
“AITA for possibly not going to the wedding because I can’t meet their gift expectations?”
Redditors weighed in and overwhelming declared OP is not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Weddings are about sharing the love you have together with your family and friends, not expensive gifts.” – VII_187
“NTA”
“I would not attend that wedding and would reconsider the friendship if it has a price tag.” – Forward-Wear7913
“F**k that.”
“I’d straight up tell her it’s making you think of not going and it’s an insult to you.”
“I’ve been to many m any weddings and never once was I told anything about gifts in anyway.”
“Just sent the registry and bought stuff they’d wanted.”
“All of them wouod still have wanted me there even if I told them I didn’t buy a gift.”
“It’s about family and friends celebrating a big occasion, not for gifts” – fromouterspace1
“NTA A true friend would be understanding.”
“It actually reflects poorly on her to expect people to give certain amounts.”
“Money seems to be more important than friendship to her and that’s not the type of person you need in your life.” – wlfwrtr
“NTA. Your friend should understand that you can’t drop $1,000 if you’re dealing with medical bills.”
“If she’s really your friend, she’ll care more about having you there than the gift.” – Effective-Purpose-36
“A wedding is about 2 people who love each other, coming together, with family and friends to celebrate becoming a family, to celebrate love.”
“This new-ish trend of turning a wedding into a blatant gift grab is gross, inappropriate and needs to stop.”
“Edit to add NTA. The bride being materialistic is.” – emptynest_nana
“NTA She is not your friend. RSVP regrets and move the friendship to acquaintance status.”
“And eta just mail a congratulations card.” – springflowers68
“NTA- Thats not your best friend.”
“Don’t go and cut her off.”
“I would rather have my friends and zero gifts.”
“She would rather have gifts than you.”
“NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND.” – CarbArms
“NTA but I imagine there will be some blow back and potential talking behind your back with either decision you make that falls short of her ridiculous expectations.”
“She may also be full of sh*t and saying others are contributing that much just to pressure you to do the same.”
“I’m curious to know how much other friends are expected to ‘contribute.”
“You might want to poke your nose to get a consensus on how others feel about the brides idiotic expectation.”
“Might be time to reevaluate this friendship cos what matters is being there for each other during the highs and lows, not extorting money at a celebration of love.” – uhohthereshego
“NTA.”
“If she was a friend she wouldn’t care about the gift.” – Front_Rip4064
“NTA”
“Don’t go. She’s no friend.”
“A real friend could care less about getting a gift.”
“They would want your presence.” – Liu1845
“Sarah is not your friend.”
“Unless you got cash.”
“You have better people in your life to spend time with than this one.”
“NTA” – grayblue_grrl
“Sarah’s not your friend if she values presents over your presence.”
“Weddings are supposed to be about celebrating with those you love. NTA” – PurplePlodder1945
“No, you’re not the A-hole.”
“Your financial situation is valid, and a true friend should understand.”
“If Sarah can’t accept that, maybe it’s a sign of her own issues, not yours.” – BlissfulBabexx
“Oh. Here I was gifting people $100 and thinking I was spending too much.”
“If your friend thinks you not spending $1,000 on her wedding reflect poorly on you…well that tells me all I need to know.”
“If any of my friends asked me for a $1,000 gift I’d expect that they make a speech thanking me during their wedding.”
“NTA. Don’t go to this wedding.”
“If she asks tell her you couldn’t get the $1,000 so rather than have that reflect poorly on you, you decided not to go.” – NSFWmilkNpies
Several believe the bride-to-be is being both unrealistic and selfish with her ask.
“$1,000? 🙄”
“NTA, that’s crazy.” – BranchBarkLeaf
“Gift her a book of etiquette as a present because she is tacky and rude.”
“No true friend expects or even asks this. Materialistic and shallow people do.”
“A wedding is a celebration of love and union. Not an excuse to extort gifts from people.”
“NTA. I wouldn’t go.”
“I also wouldn’t be her friend anymore.”
“Reflects badly on you?”
“Bullsh*t. This reflects her greed and nothing else.” – stickylarue
“It reflects EXTREMELY poorly on her that she’s acting this way.”
“Go to a library or bookstore, find any etiquette book, and look up ‘gifts’ in the index.”
“NTA” – Traveling-Techie
“She says it would reflect poorly on you if you didn’t spend money you don’t have on her.. missing the irony of it reflecting poorly on her for asking.”
“ha, buy her a toaster and a vibrator, point out that if she doesn’t appreciate the toaster she should know what to do with the other gift then.”
“NTA.” – Graphite57
“That is so incredibly rude.”
“She should not expect gifts.”
“Like you are lucky if you get $50 from me.”
“Expecting gifts is incredibly rude.”
“Guests will give you a gift regardless.”
“But asking for a gift is bad manners.” – Csherman92
“Wow. With a best friend like Sarah, who needs enemies?”
“It is ridiculously entitled and greedy to tell someone attending your wedding that you EXPECT a ‘generous’ gift.”
“$1000?! I would not go.”
“She doesn’t care much about your attendance but more about the gift.”
“‘She seemed disappointed and said that it would reflect poorly on me if I didn’t contribute significantly…'”
“I can’t believe she actually said that to you – I’m pissed off for you!”
“OP, you are so NTA here but Sarah truly is.”
“A true friend would be concerned about YOUR financial situation and medical bills.”
“She is not acting like any kind of friend here, and if I were you, I’d reconsider this relationship.”
“Take care of yourself.”
“Do NOT be guilted or manipulated by this greedy, entitled bride.” – glimmerseeker
“NTAH! Sarah is TAH and she doesn’t sound like a nice person or a friend.”
“Not sure if Sarah comes from money but as always, ‘money can’t buy class.'”
“A gift is a gift, it’s from the heart.”
“My husband and I had a very expensive wedding but we weren’t counting on people’s gifts to pay for it.”
“I had a childhood friend tell me he couldn’t attend my wedding because he was embarrassed he couldn’t give me an appropriate gift, I told him his presence at our wedding was a great gift!”
“All we wanted to do was celebrate with our loved ones.”
“I would decline the RSVP and send a modest gift from her registry.” – NonnaSilvia
“NOPE. Your friend is crazy to expect her guests to shell out 1k.”
“Seems like she’s trying to get the guest to fund the wedding completely. NTA” – p_0456
“I’ve been to a fancy wedding and I’ve been to a ‘basic’ wedding and I got them both the same thing- a giant microwaveable bowl for popcorn, a bag of brand name popcorn kernels and a couple/few of them flavor shakers.”
“Seemed to work out alright. I wrapped them all fancy and whatnot.”
“I say just give what you can give, go have fun at the party and deal with the fallout later.”
“$1000… in what f**king world…” – mdubelite
“NTA. It reflects poorly on her for expecting such a gift.”
“I understand coming without a gift is tacky but $1000 is ridiculous to expect; personally i’d offer something of value $200 max.” – Organic_Garage7406
According to fellow Redditors, OP shouldn’t feel bad about the decision to not attend the wedding if buying an expensive gift is the expectation.
Hopefully, the bride-to-be will realize she’s being a bit unreasonable, but unfortunately, it doesn’t seem that is likely to happen.