Food allergies and personal choices can make it quite difficult to plan a party these days.
Ten people will be in a room, and each person is on a different meal plan that conflicts with everyone else.
This juggling act can be stressful for hosts and guests alike.
Case in point…
Redditor Ok_Employee_5876 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“WIBTA If I brought my own food to a vegan dinner party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I’ve been invited to a vegan household for a dinner party.”
“Of the total people going, 6 of 9 aren’t vegans.”
“Anytime a meal is hosted elsewhere, we have two meals, one vegan and one not, so everyone can enjoy what they like.”
“Not here, though. This is a strictly vegan household.”
“No cooking meat products on the BBQ.”
“No cheese, no eggs, no fish.”
“I get not wanting to cook meat on their BBQ. I have an entire section of my grill sectioned off for vegan/gluten-free cooking.”
“I found out what they are making for everyone.”
“I’m allergic to mushrooms, and they know it, and their main course is a portobello steak. It feels on purpose.”
“I would feel disrespected as a host if a guest brought their own food to my dinner party. Then again, I try really hard to make sure everyone has options for them at mine.”
“So WIBTA If I brought a George Foreman and some burgers to cook up outside?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WBTA the A**hole.
“YWBTA. If you think they intentionally did this, don’t go or call them out.”
“Either way, I would call them and say you’re allergic to mushrooms, and you’ll need accommodation.”
“Is there something else being made, or can you bring your own vegan meal?” ~ travelkmac
“Food allergy person here as well.”
“Some people think food allergies are all in our heads.”
“We say we are allergic because we do not like it.”
“It is not getting a runny nose or sneezing.”
“It is called anaphylactic shock. Your throat swells shut.”
‘I always make sure that I know what I am eating.”
“If people tease me or make fun of my issue, I know that they do not understand I avoid eating anything they provide or eat at their house.”
“I learned this the hard way.” ~ Crazybutnotlazy1983
“It would cost nothing to ask the host about it/remind them about the allergy.”
“As if you’d always remember all allergies of all your friends.”
“This problem can be solved with one call. Not asking would automatically mean YTA.” ~ _Katrinchen_
“Whenever we host a meal, we try to accommodate, but if we miss something, the guest always asks if they can bring what works for them.”
“Of course, I will never say no, but it’s nice to communicate because we are all adults.”
“I don’t see how OP is an a**hole as long as he communicates beforehand.” ~ tealicious99
“Agreed, but they might reconsider bringing their own grill.”
“Just pack a cold dinner, like a steak salad, and don’t make a big scene over it.” ~ Jagghagg
“An accommodation seems like a bit much, but bringing a George foreman grill is too.”
“We have a bunch of parties at our house, and when there are allergies, we try our best to avoid them, but can’t promise.”
“The guests with allergies also bring foods that they can eat. It’s open communication.” ~ triplenjo
“As you said… communication is the key.”
“I mentioned accommodation because if they are strict vegans, they might not trust outside food in the home.”
“They may also have plenty of sides that don’t have mushrooms or even a second entree, we don’t know.”
“In this situation, I’d call, remind them of the allergy and discuss it.” ~ travelkmac
“If OP has an allergy to the main course, they literally can’t eat anything cooked in that kitchen.”
“I’d stay home and ask myself whether these people believe my allergy is fake and are therefore not safe to know.”
“Unfortunately, allergy denial is wildly, wildly rampant among vegans, especially when the allergy is to one of their holy perfect foods – soya, mushroom, wheat.” ~ Basic_Bichette
“Can’t speak to the previous poster, but in my experience, you get a pretty equal split between those that are extra accommodating and those that act put out by restrictions.”
“For instance, my cousin insisted on washing his entire kitchen top to bottom before cooking for me even though I have I[rritable] B[owel] S[ynrdome] and not celiac.”
“But his own parents still expect me to ‘eat around’ what I can’t have even though the main dish is usually pasta or something soy-based.”
“Thankfully, they don’t care if I bring my own food as long as it’s kept separate from their dishes if it contains animal products.”
“I still usually make something vegan so everyone can have some – mushroom risotto or a veggie curry are my go-tos.” ~ Daikon-Apart
“I don’t think an accommodation is much.”
“When I have guests I know can’t or even just won’t eat certain foods, I avoid them and ensure something, even if it’s just 1-2 dishes, is available so anyone can eat it.”
“You’ve invited people into your home for a meal. It’s your job to ensure they can eat the food.”
“I definitely think OP needs to remind them of their allergy and that they can’t eat it.”
“Hopefully, it’s not purposeful and just an oversight.”
“If they are unwilling to accommodate, then OP should tell them either they won’t be coming, will bring something for themself that possibly can be shared, or will plan to eat beforehand.”
“I would say it would be an AH move on the host’s part to not at least make an effort.” ~ trvllvr
“YWBTA. Talk with them beforehand about your allergy and see if something can be done.”
“If not, whenever I have to go to my wife’s friend’s and I know I’m not going to like the offering, I pick up fast food on the way and eat in the car before we get there.”
“Then I just drink what drink I want and snack on things I like.” ~ Tall-Measurement3795
“I 100% forgot my friend had a garlic allergy, and she asked what I was making for a dinner, and I told her.”
“She reminded me of her garlic allergy, and I made a separate nongarlic version because I completely spaced.”
“I have so many friends with different food intolerances and allergies it is actually hard to keep track, so I appreciate when people remind me.”
“I cannot have dairy at all.”
“And so I will communicate with people about that, but if it’s not an option usually, I just figure out an alternative meal plan like eating ahead or bringing myself a small prepared meal.” ~ siddhananais
“You definitely sound like an AH.”
“Presumably, if this is a group that eats meals together regularly, they are friends who like each other.”
“Personally, I would communicate with my friends regarding my allergy like a f**king adult before I decided to destroy this and possibly other friendships irrevocably.” ~ thiswillsoonendbadly
“In my opinion, the vegan detail is truly irrelevant.”
“Non-vegans can eat vegan food one time at a dinner party. They don’t need special meat accommodations.”
“The allergy is the most important here.”
“I would consider someone an AH if they brought a grill to make food at a dinner party I was hosting instead of mentioning, ‘Hey, by the way, I can’t eat what you’re making.'”
“Vegan or not doesn’t matter. I think it’s rude to bring your own food to a dinner party without clearing it with the host/cook.”
“Deciding to not communicate like an adult is the AH move.”
“If after communicating ‘I have an allergy, can you make something that will not medically harm me or if not I don’t mind making my own food,’ the host decides not to accommodate, the story completely changes.”
“But the choice to not communicate and just show up with your own food at a dinner party where presumably the whole point is that the host is excited to cook, that would be an AH move.” ~ fyperia
“YWBTA if you bring meat or dairy into a vegan’s home.”
“This would be a huge AH move.”
“However, as the main course provided is a known allergen and you do not feel that you can decline to attend, you should feel free to bring your own vegan alternative to the mushrooms – vegan burger or eggplant are good grilling options.”
“If you do this, it would be polite to inform the host in advance.”
“But if you really believe they are doing this intentionally and have not just thoughtlessly forgotten, I wouldn’t bother.”
“An allergy to mushrooms can be quite serious.”
“If I were you, I would not attend or make an appearance but not stay for the meal.” ~ FlatSound4435
“ESH. Don’t go if you can’t eat what they’re cooking and they refuse to prepare alternatives.”
“What’s so hard about that?”
“Going to a vegan’s house and cooking up burgers is simply obnoxious.”
“Having food other people can’t eat and saying tough luck is obnoxious.”
“Troll better in the future.” ~ RandomizedNameSystem
“They haven’t refused to prepare an alternative yet.”
“OP hasn’t talked to them.”
“He says that they know about his allergy but doesn’t appear to be allowing for the possibility that they may have simply forgotten.”
“While that would be a bit thoughtless, people forget details like that sometimes.”
“I don’t think any of us here can claim perfect memories.”
“So I wouldn’t jump to assume it is a**holery.” ~ FigNinja
Well, OP, Reddit sees this situation from several angles.
Sounds like they think rolling up with your own cooking equipment is not your best choice.
Though your own food may be a good idea.
Communication is key before arrival, though.
Good luck.