Some of us have careers that can really ruin some of the daily tasks that others find joy in, such as having to be on the phone too much or wanting to be anywhere but the kitchen.
One guy found his wife’s messy cooking to be too much after his long hours as a chef, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor uzdzw6a72xhov ultimately decided it was best to take over more responsibilities at home to simplify the cleaning process.
But after seeing her reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he had overstepped.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for asking my wife not to cook for me anymore?”
The OP struggled when his wife was in the kitchen.
“My (30 [Male]) wife (26 [Female]) is a disaster in the kitchen.”
“She leaves a huge mess behind after she’s done with cooking. She uses a zillion utensils even to make a coffee (don’t ask me how, it’s an unsolved mystery).”
The most recent disaster was vodka pasta.
“Today, she said she learned this new recipe from her mum and went into the kitchen to prepare it.”
“When she was done, it turned out to be vodka pasta.”
“It tasted horrible because she added an entire bottle of vodka.”
“She boiled the pasta in vodka and water. Then she made the sauce with more vodka.”
“Her logic was that since vodka is one of the important ingredients, adding more of it would make it taste better than the given recipe. She didn’t realize that vodka makes food bitter when added in large quantities.”
“She also put too much salt, and it ended up tasting like salt with pasta on the side rather than pasta seasoned with salt.”
The OP said it was easier to just do the cooking himself.
“I work as a chef at a restaurant and I work nearly 12 hours a day. So I have just enough time to get as much work done as possible at home and then go to sleep.”
“When my wife cooks, the food turns out to be inedible and it ends up in the trash. Then, I have to clean up, cook again, and then clean up once again. So it’s so much work for me.”
“She refuses to go to a cooking class too. I don’t have time to and teach her.”
The OP wanted to take over the cooking.
“So I told her to make whatever she wants only for herself and never for me and also to clean up the kitchen after she’s done cooking.”
“To add, I’ve always cooked for us ever since we got married. I don’t even mind cooking for her.”
“She has no reason to cook for both of us. She says she wants to learn to cook.”
“So I told her to make herself food and I’ll taste a bit to tell her where she could do better.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were upset about the entire situation.
“I’m just trying to imagine the coffee thing (as a non-coffee drinker myself.) Get your coffee scoop, use a teaspoon to fill it, but then I get stuck.”
“Where could other appliances or utensils come in? Maybe a second spoon to empty the scoop into the filter, and a 3rd to stir in your milk and sugar.” – MoaltingRoach
“She’s also wasting food. She refuses to take a class or even follow a recipe.”
“Making decent-tasting food isn’t that hard. I’m not talking about being a chef, that’s different.”
“I’m talking about making basic food that tastes good enough that your spouse/partner doesn’t ask you to never cook for them again. OP is NTA.” – madpeachiepie
“The wife creates a mess but doesn’t bother to clear it. If she is learning to cook and makes a disaster, it’s her responsibility to clear it up as well.”
“You don’t make a mess, and then leave it to someone else to clean it up. If you want to learn to cook, you should first understand that cleaning is a major part of it.”
“Also, she doesn’t want cooking classes. She can’t follow a recipe given to her.”
“He works 12 hours and does all the cooking and cleaning the kitchen for them.”
“This incident doesn’t seem to be the first one to happen either. I can see why he is losing it now and is sounding rude. Frustration can do that to you.” – phoenixdream0
“More importantly she’s wasting VODKA.” – BurgerThyme
Others were especially bothered by the wife not cleaning up after herself.
“I do a lot of cooking myself and there is something called ‘clean as you go.'”
“You boil vegetables in a pot, wash the pot immediately after you used it. It takes 10 seconds.”
“Same with pasta, rise the friggin pot afterwards.”
“A bowl you use to beat eggs? Rinse the bowl out, don’t just chuck it in the sink.”
“Cutting board, wash the board right afterwards.”
“This saves a mountain of work afterwards. My ex would use every friggin pot in the kitchen and pile them in the sink and I’d spend about an hour doing dishes.”
“It gets old real quick when you think, I just want a sandwich.”
“I would get real salty if I had to clean up dishes and pots after a really bad meal.”
“NTA” – capricorn40
“I have a dishwasher. I stack everything together until I’m done cooking/baking and then fill it up.”
“Also, in my personal opinion, a quick rinse isn’t clean enough for my comfort. Unless it’s water from a pot that I used to boil an egg.”
“It’s either full manual doing the dishes or the dishwasher.” – Lead-Forsaken
“You are 100% spot-on, when we were learning to cook as kids it was always, ‘Don’t make too much mess because you’ll have to clean it.'”
“Now if I make a mess when I cook I make sure to not use up too many items because I hate washing up.”
“But also; this woman used boiled pasta in vodka and then more vodka in the sauce?? I … how much vodka did she use??”
“If you aren’t sure of measurements: GOOGLE IT.” – unoriginalanna
Some blamed the wife for not wanting to learn more in a class or online.
“A problem is that she is trying to be a chef by trying to do her own thing with cooking. If she would just follow a recipe she would be trying to be a chef instead of cooking an easier good tasting dish.” – OlrickMeister
“The key with learning almost anything is getting the basics down first. Then you can play with your recipes and adjust anything according to your taste; nothing wrong with that.”
“But if you don’t understand the basics, you’re going to end up doing something like cooking your pasta in half a bottle of vodka and oversalted water, which is the most vile-sounding thing I’ve ever heard.”
“It’s honestly pretty difficult to make totally inedible food if you’re paying attention and have any idea what you’re doing.” – nightforday
“The problem is she wouldn’t follow recipes or YouTube instructions.”
“Think about it, she put AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA in vodka pasta just because the dish’s name has vodka in it.”
“What do you think she’s gonna do when she makes things like flaming cheese/flambe? Set the house on fire?” – jtj5002
“YouTube videos are so helpful. After my second was born I became a stay-at-home mom. Naturally feeding my kids became something that I needed to learn how to do.”
‘So I’d find a recipe and then YouTube the techniques they were using in the recipe so that I could understand how to make the recipe properly.”
“Eventually, I didn’t need to YouTube the techniques anymore. Now I can look at a recipe and use it as a basis for my cooking rather than follow it like gospel.” – Sandstorm320
Though the OP wondered if he was too harsh with his wife, the subReddit understood his frustrations. Not only was she not cleaning up after herself in the kitchen, but she also didn’t want to help herself by taking a cooking course. Coming home to a mess that you have to clean and recreate in a different way, that would have to get frustrating.