Carpooling is a part of the school and workplace experience for many people.
Usually it’s relatively smooth going if people’s schedules are consistent. If the schedule is set and one passenger needs a separate schedule for a single day, that person is generally responsible for making their own arrangements.
A carpooler turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after their coworker got upset they wouldn’t change their schedule for them.
Cheesecake_sw asked:
“AITA for refusing to clock out early so my coworker can take her kid to the hospital?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (31, female) carpool to work every day with four coworkers. We all live about an hour away from the office and have been carpooling, ever since they forced us back to full time in person, so that we could share commuting expenses (gas and tolls).”
“One of my coworkers (let’s call her S) has a young child who recently got very sick. For the last few days he’s been having constant nosebleeds so bad that he’s even gone through an entire roll of toilet paper trying to stop the bleeding.”
“Last Sunday night it got so bad that they took him to the hospital. On Monday she still came to work as usual and didn’t mention anything about it until we were all driving home.”
“That’s when she told us she hadn’t asked her boss for time off to take her kid to the hospital because she ‘didn’t think she would be allowed’. She also said that if she doesn’t get him seen soon, ‘he could die’.”
“She asked if the next day we could all take her car instead of the usual driver’s (let’s call him A), and if everyone could clock out at 4:45 instead of 5:30 (5:30 is when A and I normally finish, the other 3 clock out at 5).”
“We told her we’d think about it and would need to clear it with our managers. After talking it over, A and I decided we would just find another ride home so S could leave whenever she needed.”
“The plan was: she would drive her own car to work, we’d all ride with her in the morning, and then in the afternoon A and I would get a ride with someone else so she could go straight home and get her kid to the doctor.”
“When A called her later on that night to explain this plan to her, she got furious.”
“She accused us of being heartless and not caring about her child, said ‘what goes around comes around’, and then dramatically announced she would just reschedule the doctor’s appointment so it ‘wouldn’t inconvenience us’ even though we never asked her to do that, and even though she had just told us an hour before that her son’s nosebleeds haven’t stopped and he could literally die.”
“I’m angry because she was the one who originally said she’d take her own car and drop us off so she could go straight home to her kid and we were totally fine with that plan, but we knew there was no way our managers would let us leave 45 minutes early for someone else’s child.”
“A and I don’t have children, but honestly, if my kid was bleeding that much, I would have called out or left early the day before and taken him to the ER, not shown up to work and dropped the news casually on the commute home.”
“I’m also confused, and concerned, at her saying that her kid ‘could die’, but yet she’s scheduling a doctor’s appointment instead of dropping everything and taking him straight to the ER.”
“So, AITA for refusing to clock out early so my coworker can take her kid to the ER?”
The OP later added:
“She told us she needed to take him to the ER, but then said she was going to schedule an appointment with a doctor.”
“We were all just as confused by her explanation.”
“She told us she needed to leave early today to take him to a hospital and then proceeded to say she had scheduled a doctor’s appointment.”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I’m refusing to clock out early so my coworker can take her kid to the hospital.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“I don’t understand why any of this is an issue. If she needs to take her child to the hospital, she should use her car that day and the rest of the group should carpool in a different vehicle. None of this makes any sense but, NTA.” ~ madcats323
“I think she’s upset about the additional cost of not sharing gas and tolls for one day. It’s odd to me that nobody seems to be talking about how absurd that is.” ~ Primus_is_OK_I_guess
“Anyone that can’t skip work to take their kid to the hospital is either in extreme financial distress or a negligent parent. I’m going to guess, given the rest of the context, that she’s in extreme financial distress. As in, can’t afford gas to get home kind of distress.” ~ weary_dreamer
“This seems like the kind of instance where she should just drive herself for the time being so she can come and go as she needs and you and your colleagues continue to carpool.”
“NTA. She needs someone to be mad at so she’s being mad at you.” ~ SunshineSeriesB
“NTA. She has her own car, she can take her own kid when needed.”
“What do you guys (as coworkers) have anything to do with this? Unless I’m missing something?” ~ Samashezra
“She may want everyone to leave early with her thinking maybe she won’t get into trouble if everyone leaves en masse. There’s no other viable reason for her to act this way.” ~ Shadow4summer
“Money. She wants to split travel costs. If she comes home alone in her car then the full trip cost is on her.” ~ Margarida39
“If her financial issues are so pressing she can’t drive herself FROM (not even both directions) work one time one day, she has bigger issues than any of this. Especially selfish if she’s asking 4 other people to miss out on 15-45 minutes of pay too.” ~ sqeeky_wheelz
“NTA. I genuinely have no idea what her issue is. That’s two less people she’d have to worry about driving home, so she can get her kid to the hospital sooner. WTF‽‽”
“Also, yeah, I don’t have kids, but if something could kill them, I’d be calling out of work and rushing them to the ER.” ~ SpaceAceCase
“Yeah, is this kid getting severe nosebleeds every day during the day and then they stop at night? Maybe I’m misreading something but between that and the coworker not wanting to drive separately one time, this person seems bizarre. NTA.” ~ allflanneleverything
“NTA. Her child, her responsibility is the short answer.”
“But this is weird behavior. What are the chances she’s lying? This doesnt seem like the action of a concerned mother. How expensive is it for her to just drive separately? This makes zero sense.” ~ curvyhorsegirl
“Yeah, carpooling is good and all, but for one day four of them can carpool as normal and the 5th (Mom) should just drive solo so she has the flexibility she needs. It sounds like everyone has cars in this situation, so I don’t know why things need to be more complicated than that.” ~ curvyhorsegirl
“I think she still wants to split the cost of the trip rather than taking her own car for the full cost to work and to the hospital. She’s either broke or cheap, but that’s not everyone else’s fault. She could have been nicer about it if she needed the split cost that badly.” ~ StarWars-TheBadB_tch
“I think it’s because she thinks if they ALL do it, she can’t get in trouble for leaving early. Which is also wrong.” ~ emilydoooom
“Wait, what? She is mad that you are getting a ride home with someone else, so she can drive herself to the hospital. When I first read the headline I assumed that she had ridden with you and you were refusing to drive her—in which case yeah that would not be cool. But you offered a reasonable solution. NTA.” ~ rosebudny
“NTA. I’m a working mom. If I was S, I would have explained to you all that I was very sorry but while my child was having these health issues it would probably be better if I didn’t join the carpool because I might have to leave early and didn’t want to ask you folks to leave early.”
“It sucks her kid is having issues, but she shouldn’t inconvenience you about it either.” ~ caprahircus_
“NTA. Also, if you have separate cars to alternate the driving, why aren’t you just taking separate cars that day to begin with? It’s weird to expect other people to take off work early for a child that isn’t yours, so just drive separately that day.” ~ BlondDee1970
“It really doesn’t matter what the reason is. If she needs to leave earlier than they can, they can’t carpool that day. If they can find another way home, they could carpool in the morning, but her getting mad they won’t leave early makes no sense.”
“And if I was actually worried about my child and managed to get an appointment, there isn’t a chance in hell I’d reschedule the appointment for someone else’s convenience.” ~ jahubb062
“NTA. This is HER kid, not your responsibility. Car pool aside, it’s a bit ridiculous to expect multiple people to change their work schedules for someone else’s child.” ~ wanderingstorm
OP is likely right that getting permission to leave work early for someone else’s child is a no-go.
Whatever their coworker’s reason for expecting all five people to leave early with her—money or to deflect from her own early clock out—it’s not OP’s issue to resolve.