Relationships and marriages sometimes end, but people can remain friends and have meaningful relationships with their exes without being romantic or inappropriate.
That's especially true for people who want to be happy and healthy co-parents to their children, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Massive-Way4686 had a baby with their long-term partner, and they also had a great relationship with their partner's ex-wife and their two children, whom they co-parented.
When their family criticized them and said having a relationship like that was weird and inappropriate, and that something must be going on between the future husband and his ex, the Original Poster (OP) questioned whether there was something wrong with being happy with their current relationship arrangement.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by blowing up on my family about what they said about my fiancé and his ex-wife?"
The OP had a healthy co-parenting relationship between them, their fiancé, and their fiancé's ex-wife.
"My fiancé and I have been together almost five years. He has two kids from a previous relationship, and we had a baby together."
"He co-parents with the mother of his kids really well, and they have no issues."
"We have taken trips together as a big blended family for the kids' birthdays, including the two of us, our baby, and his two previous kids, and their mom, as in his ex-wife."
"I was always fine with it. We get along well and have never had any issues together."
The OP only felt conflicted when their family started to question the arrangement.
"It’s her birthday next month. She invited us on the trip because she says she’s taking the kids somewhere to celebrate her birthday and asked if we wanted to come."
"I said yes and didn’t think anything of it."
"But my family seems to think that it is WIERD that we take trips together."
"They say I should 'respect' myself more."
"I mean, we stay in separate rooms, and we hang out together for the kids. I don’t see a problem."
"I got into a huge argument with my family over this because they said it’s not normal and I shouldn’t be okay with it."
"I blew up on my family because they have no room to tell me to respect myself, coming from people that have done worse or act worse. Was I wrong?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that they should do what they were comfortable and happy with.
"NOR. The fact that your family wants to sabotage one of the rare non-toxic co-parenting with the ex scenarios doesn't speak well of their own maturity and relationship health."
"You are respecting yourself by standing up to them."
"The kids, including your future kids, are the big winners if you keep this 'odd' arrangement up." - LadyCass79
"There are a lot of people who wish that they had anywhere near as cordial a relationship with their partner’s ex that will be in their life due to shared children."
"As long as YOU’RE comfortable with the relationship and going on trips with her, then it doesn’t matter what other people think. Would they rather you cut her out and not have a good relationship with her?"
"NOR." - Nocleverresponse
"So you all behave like nice adults and show the kids that ending a relationship doesn’t mean you have to fight each other?"
"Everyone's getting along, and the kids aren't being used as little messenger spies?"
"That’s lovely! Why on earth would anyone have a problem with that?"
"Do they want the kids to feel stressed and torn between their parents?"
"They're acting like sleeping in separate hotel rooms is the next hot scandal."
"It’s not weird, it’s amazing, and every adult should do this to make a divorce easier for the kids and themselves."
"NOR to you. Please enjoy that nice woman's birthday trip!" - bluemagic_seahorse
"Your family is sticking their nose where it is none of their business."
"You coparent well, you get along fine, and that is great."
"Refrain from sharing with your family and just enjoy life."
"NOR. Your family is weird." - Mango_Design_0192
"It’s FANTASTIC that OP is okay with it."
"I’ve been blessed to know some blended families with parents who act like OP. Those kids (who are now adults with kids of their own) are all so lucky and supported; they all say so."
"Don’t let the crabs drag you back into the bucket, OP. You are co-creating something so beautiful for several generations at a time. You’re a star."
"NOR." - GalacticaActually
Others agreed and pointed out that just because it wasn't "the norm" didn't mean it was wrong.
"My husband’s ex is still very much in their kids' lives, and so we still do joint holidays. Not everyone has a poor relationship with their partner’s ex. NOR." - Patient_Meaning_2751
"If everyone involved is comfortable with it, and the kids are happy, I don't see the problem. Their relationship doesn't have to look like everyone else's." - CharmerGurl
"It's uncommon, but your version tends towards the IDEAL, not the toxic." - HellaShella
"I have a VERY similar relationship with my ex-husband and his wife."
"He and I were married for 12 years and have one kid. Few years later, they are married, have been for five years, no kids."
"We have vacationed together and stayed in the same Airbnb. They live in a different state, so I will join my son for some of his time there with them and stay at their house."
"Is it uncommon? 100%. But is it weird? Not at all."
"Your kids and mine are better off for it, and that’s what matters. F**k anyone else. Would they rather you guys have animosity?!"
"ADDING: She and I have actually become quite good friends. We genuinely like each other and are always on the same page about parenting." - No-Masterpiece5906
"Me and my ex are pretty good terms, and I'm hoping whomever he starts a relationship with is a good human that I can also have a good relationship with. Same for whatever dude I end up in a relationship with."
"I want to be able to have holidays with everyone and have it be such a normal thing. OP's situation sounds healthy, and I can only wish for something like that in my future." - F**kYoWall
"You are NOT overreacting at all. In fact, you and your fiancé's ex-wife are exhibiting an incredibly high level of maturity that many blended families struggle to achieve."
"Children of divorce or split households often carry stress about dividing their loyalty. Seeing their mom, dad, stepmom, and new sibling all getting along and celebrating together gives them immense emotional security. It sounds like a win-win for both parties and their children and shared children."
"You mentioned you stay in separate rooms that’s a perfectly healthy boundary. You aren't acting like a married couple with the ex; you are acting like a cooperative team of adults who care about the same kids."
"The fact that she invited you (and that you feel perfectly comfortable going) proves there is no lingering romantic tension or weirdness. It is pure, healthy co-parenting."
"Unfortunately, many people are used to toxic breakups where exes are treated like enemies. Your family is likely viewing this through a traditional, old-school lens of 'us vs. them.' When they say you should 'respect yourself,' they are mistakenly confusing peaceful cooperation, with being taken advantage of."
"Keep doing what is best for your baby, your stepkids, and your mental peace. Your ability to build a bridge instead of a wall is a beautiful thing."
"However, I will preface this by saying if there was any ab*$3 in your past relationship with him, I would understand your family's reaction to this."
"Overall, it seems like a huge overreaction on their part." - PixieAndGrimore
Some were more critical of the OP's family, calling them jealous and toxic for how they were viewing the OP's co-parenting.
"Tell your family to mind their own business. Keep being cooperative with your step kids' mother." - Shoesietart
"NOR. My personal family couldn't have managed this in a million years, but we had close family friends who were just fine with blending families for the holidays, etc. We sometimes joined them, and their approach always seemed significantly healthier to me."
"Tell your family that it works for your family, allows your child a close relationship with their siblings, and as such, is none of their business. Like, 'You would rather we were fighting and hated each other? Why on earth do you think that's better? How sad for you.'"
"Also? If something horrible happened to the ex, your fiancé would almost certainly become the custodial parent, which means YOU and your fiancé would be their parents. I hope it never needs to be sorted out, but how much easier to have a solid foundation and shared memories with your child's siblings. It's wonderful for SO many reasons that you have a good relationship with them already." - Foreign_Plan_5256
"NOR. H**l, I can’t even take holidays this chill with my own family. If OP is managing it with a blended family, that’s incredible and should be celebrated, not criticised." - SensitiveSoup74
"Thanksgiving in my family has more drama and binge drinking and gossip etc than this gal, and we are all still married and mostly living in the same parish."
"If she can co-parent and have a relaxed time with her step kids and the ex, props, and more power to them. The alternative is pretty ugly when the new mom 'respects herself' so much she hates the ex and makes it miserable for her step kids’ mom or vice versa." - SnooCheesecakes2733
"I think OP’s family may just be jealous of OP and her relationship with step kids and husband’s ex. OP appears to have her life in a good place, and sometimes that’s enough to p**s off relatives." - nowstheworstoftimes
"OP, no way are you overreacting."
"Your family needs to stay in their lane on this one. If it works for the kids, who are the most important concern in this scenario, then it works. Period. Tell them to respect THAT." - mzmm123
While the subreddit could understand that this arrangement isn't necessarily something people see every day, they also didn't think that was a reason to dismiss it as inappropriate or strange.
Instead, it's important to model for kids that a meaningful relationship can still be maintained even if it's no longer romantic.
