Traveling in a group is often a difficult task to navigate—especially when one person in the group is underage.
A guy on Reddit found himself in this situation while trying to plan a group vacation that included his friends 20-year-old girlfriend.
When drama ensued over the plans, he wasn't sure how to handle things. So he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective on his hypothetical "Would I Be the A**hole" (WIBTA) situation.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by Terrible_Mud399 on the site, asked:
"WIBTA for not considering changing the location of a trip to accommodate my friends new girlfriend?"
He explained:
"I'm a 28 year old guy. I have had the same close friend group since freshman year of college so 10 years now. There's 5 of us. Every year we like to take at least one trip. Sometimes we do two like we did last year with airfare being so low."
"This year(technically next) we are planning to go to Austin, Texas in March/April. All of us had heard great things. By the end of November we would like to book the air bnb. We actually decided on Austin back in June, but due to some work schedules and a wedding we will all be attending, we have to plan the trip for the spring."
"The problem lies with my buddy 'Craig'. Craig is a great guy and I love him, but he's always been a little… odd. He doesn't have great social skills and never does great with women. He's just kind of an awkward guy but still one of my best friends."
"So Craig is our age, he turned 28 in April. Well… in September Craig decided to introduce us to the girl he was seeing, because now they made it 'official' and are bf and gf."
"Craig is dating Mary who… is freshly 20 years old. Apparently celebrated her birthday a few weeks before she matched with Craig on an app. I'm sorry I don't want to be judgmental but.. yikes."
"It's awkward because the rest of us feel so weird around her. She's younger than all of our younger sisters. But like I said Craig is just kinda like that. He hasn't had a serious gf in many years too."
"Well for the trip 3 of the guys including myself are bringing our GFs. Craig is now asking that we consider changing the location to somewhere Mary could go. I guess she has a fake ID (good lord why are we with someone who still needs a fake?) but is nervous the bars in Austin might take it."
"Honestly myself and a couple others are wanting to tell Craig that Mary will have to sit this one out then."
"He said it's not fair because other GFs are going and it's sh*tty to exclude his. I asked him if she even wanted to go or if she's too nervous about missing her Sigma Kappa philanthropy event (I know, crappy joke)."
"But we think 1. We planned this before they got together and 2. We just shouldn't have to accommodate for this girl. Like Craig come on this is what you get for dating a girl that young. 3. We all think it's creepy and just don't want to be around them."
"Like I said we have younger sisters years older than her."
"Aita"
Redditors were then asked to judge who would be in the wrong in this scenario based on the following categories:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
They were pretty firmly on OP's side on this one.
"NTA - if you're not old enough to drink, tough sh*t. Bring a fake ID, don't bring one, who cares. It's HER decision if she wants to go or not. Tell friend to just let you know. It's their/her responsibility, not the rest of you. Tough cookies, in my opinion." --HobbitQueen8
"Ahh… NTA I'd be direct that you are uncomfortable instead of making immature jokes that are going to offend him without getting your point across."
"I am not a fan of age gap relationships, I find them creepy. She's not even drinking age. That being said, you can decide to express that part or you can decide not to."
"Either way you still have the right to say you are uncomfortable bringing someone below that age, there is difficulty altering the plans because of it, and it simply isn't going to work out."
"Understand if he is the only single dude, he is going to feel uncomfortable going, and slighted. It's simply a tough pill to swallow. That's the price he pays for his young gf." --explicitlinguini
"NTA...why on earth should you all rearrange your vacation so his underage girlfriend can drink? Not to mention that most well-adjusted people in their late 20s don't have very much in common with someone fully ensconced in undergrad life, which it sounds like she is."
"If he wants to date a college kid, he shouldn't be surprised his friends aren't bending over backwards to accommodate that choice." --suffragette_citizen
"NTA. Does Craig expect that no one will go to a bar or club on a group vacation, no matter where they go? Even if they change the location, there's a pretty strong chance that people over 21 will want to go to places that serve alcohol. Craig can't expect everyone to change his plans because his gf is so young."
"And the age gap. . . yikes." --RuthBourbon
"NTA. The other gfs are coming because they can and will. No one is making any special accommodations for them. If Craig wants to go on a vacation with his charge, he can either drop out of the trip and take her to Legoland, or still go on the trip and take her to Chuck E Cheese later." --Catfiche1970
"NTA. Presumably no matter where you go you will want to go out to bars and such to enjoy yourselves. Craig needs to understand that when he dates someone that young it's going to come with exclusions as to what they can do. This is one of those times. Seems to me she could still come, just cant go out with everyone at night." --ShmamBo8
Hopefully OP can find a solution to this conundrum.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.