Medical bills and college tuition are two of the most expensive things in the world.
Not everybody has the luxury to afford one, let alone both.
When someone can afford things like that, others tend to circle around to see what they can get as well.
A lot of people who have wealthy loved ones tend to feel entitled to their help.
This doesn’t always go well when building healthy relationships.
Redditor MissionRemote5179 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for refusing to pay for my nephew’s college tuition, while paying for my cousin’s dog’s medical fees?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My cousin’s dog got really sick, and the cost to treat her is very, very expensive.”
“I love dogs.”
“I love her dog in particular, and I love her, so I paid it for her in full.”
“Now my brother and his wife want me to help them pay for my nephew’s college fund.”
“I could help pay for it easily, but I refused.”
“I don’t like my nephew.”
“I don’t like his mom.”
“I’m indifferent towards my brother.”
“We don’t have the closest relationship, but at least we’re cordial.”
“Plus, it’s not like they can’t afford it.”
“They go on multiple overseas trips a year.”
“But if they pay for it themselves, they won’t be able to afford other things, like their shopping sprees of brand name bags.”
“They’ll have to ‘downgrade’ their life a little, and they’re not happy about it, but to me it’s just normal life?”
“Like people save all the time for college, even if it means they can’t afford to go to Disney this year.”
“They think it’s unfair because my cousin could have afforded her dog’s treatment all on her own easily (she’s in a better financial state than them), but they ‘can’t afford’ (they can) their son’s college fees easily.”
“They’re badmouthing me to everyone, claiming that I’m favoring a dog over my nephew.”
“Which, is, not gonna lie, sorta true.”
“They think I’m ‘out of touch’ because I don’t think it’s a big deal for them to not go on multiple luxury vacations a year to afford their son’s tuition.”
“They think that because it’s my brother, and ‘blood family,’ I need to help them out, especially since they think it’s ‘easy’ for me to do.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for refusing to help pay for my nephew’s college, even though I totally could, and for, in their eyes, treating a dog better?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I once won a sum of money and donated some to my local animal rescue.”
“My cousin found out about it and hit me up for his gofundme for a business venture I didn’t support and didn’t believe it had a chance in heck of succeeding (it didn’t, and I am now blamed for it).”
“He pushed relatives to suggest that I give the rest of my winnings to him (not loan… give) so he could have a chance at success.”
“I said no.”
“When it failed, I was ostracized by that whole side of the cousins, save the one who knew he spent less than an hour a day ‘working’ on his business and the rest of the day blowing his gofundme reserves.”
“The way I feel, it was MY money and MY choice, and IF they don’t like it, they can stuff it. NTA.” ~ CarmenDeeJay
“Well I don’t understand your family dynamic, but you are NTA.”
“Giving the money might benefit your peace of mind, get them off your back, but it’s up to you to decide if that’s worth it.”
“You’ll pay for this with money, or you’ll pay for not doing it with all of that bulls**t they throw at you.” ~ FakeBot-3000
“I agree. I’m landing on NTA specifically but the dynamic reads as mutually… not great.”
“There are three families who seemingly have the means to do a lot of things ‘because they can’ but the level of detail about who spends their extra money on what is one of those things I can’t relate to so I feel like I missed a few chapters on how they’ve all communicated up to this point about their finances.”
“I also don’t know why anyone would feel entitled to ask a sibling they don’t get along with that well to fund their kid’s college if said sibling knows their financial situation.”
“None of them sound particularly nice to each other to begin with.” ~ sharkeatskitten
“Stop telling people what you pay and for whom – and if you pay something for someone, demand that they won’t tell anyone either.”
“Otherwise, your family will see you as their ATM and as a solution for the consequences for making bad decisions.”
“Don’t tell them you prioritize something else, because it implies that without the other thing, you would be willing to help.”
“You are not.”
“You don’t like them, you don’t like their financial management system, and you don’t like your nephew.”
“And even if you did like all of these things, you are not obligated to help out financially.”
“They are supposed to get their finances in order.”
“Which they won’t if they won’t feel the need to. NTA.” ~ Jocelyn-1973
“NTA. I get so tired of hearing ‘But it is Family!'”
“Their son is THEIR family, so they should prioritize their son’s education over their luxuries.”
“Just tell people ‘well, I spent my savings on the dog’s care so I don’t have it’, maybe everyone who is complaining can contribute.'” ~ NCKALA
“NTA, tell them to kick rocks, your money is your own to do with as you choose, you earn it, you spend it.”
“You decided that the dog was what you wanted to spend it on; that doesn’t open the door for you to pay for anything else, let alone the college fund of someone you have no affinity towards, or essentially subsidise your brother’s extravagant lifestyle.”
“Don’t give them a penny. You’ll find yourself the ATM for everything if you do.” ~ PersimmonAltruistic3
“To hell with them, your money is yours and nobody else’s.”
“It’s crazy how some people feel entitled to something that’s not theirs.”
“You shouldn’t have to explain yourself about what you decide to do with your money.”
“Besides, that’s their son, not yours, therefore their responsibility.”
“Parenthood comes with sacrifices. If they were not willing to sacrifice anything for their own son, they shouldn’t have had one.”
“As simple as that!”
“Dear OP, you are definitely NTA!” ~ mariaya13
“NTA – It’s your money to spend how you see fit.”
“You decided to gift your cousin the money, but now your brother is demanding it off you.”
“That’s 2 different situations.”
“Tell them they aren’t entitled to your generosity, demanding it and bad-mouthing you certainly won’t get them closer to it.” ~ Ninjasaysrelax
“Family is not based on blood and genetics.”
“Family is based on love, namely whom you love and who loves you.”
“Moreover, it’s your money, your life, and, ultimately, your choice.”
“You presented strong reasons, but even with no reasons, you are never obligated to do anything for anyone.”
“If you want to help, then help to your level of comfort and/or appropriateness.”
“If you do not want to help, then do not. It’s high time your brother and Sister-in-Law put on their big undies and step up for their child.”
“If they do not like it (or you), tell them to go kick rocks.”
“Then, strongly going L[ow] C[ontact] or N[o] C[ontact] with anyone pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do.”
“Celebrate your newly claimed freedom with ice cream and cake.” ~ JustABubba11963
OP came back to chat…
“True that I’m pretty selfish.”
“I could pay for their college, and I just don’t want to because I feel like I can derive more happiness from that money if I spent it on something else.”
“And I am totally putting a dog over a human.”
“That’s also true.”
“My nephew is definitely the way he is because of his parents.”
“But no worries, while I don’t like his parents and don’t think they’re the best of people, they’re not necessarily bad people, and they will still make sure he will go to college.”
“So he’ll still hopefully be exposed to other mindsets.”
“He just won’t get as many overseas trips or fancy cars or whatever.”
“He might even need to stay in a dorm instead of his own apartment like his parents were originally planning on.”
“Oh, well.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA, you get to use your money however you like.”
“I don’t understand why you paid for your cousin’s dog’s treatment though, if she can so easily afford it herself?”
“That’s a bit weird to me, but again, you get to do what you want with your money.” ~ Sae_something
“I’m just wondering why you paid if the cousin wasn’t short of money and could afford it?”
“I would understand if she couldn’t afford it and was short!”
“Seems like you wasted your money.”
“Anyway, NTA, it’s not your responsibility to pay it, especially if you hate ur nephew.” ~ Puzzleheaded-Ad8132
“NTA, but I think you shouldn’t make your, how should I put it, ‘charitable spendings’ public.”
“It will (unfortunately) attract more people who will try to use your kindness.”
“You have shown that you will spend huge amounts of money on others, even if they could do without it.”
“Other vultures will try to capitalise on that.”
“I do think the easiest solution here is pretend it was a one-off and will never happen again (even if it will, because you seem like a nice person and I see nothing wrong with gifting money if you can afford to).”
“Fingers crossed they will back off soon enough.” ~ ImAnA**holeButImHot
“I just want to make sure I read this correctly.”
“You have a good relationship with your cousin but not your nephew or his mother.”
“You chose on your own to spend YOUR money that YOU worked for on paying the vet bill.”
“Your brother and his wife can EASILY afford THEIR child’s tuition but would rather keep their lifestyle than take care of their son.”
“Your brother and wife are putting their noses into others’ finances and how they spend their money.”
“So yeah… you are NTA but your brother and his wife are!!!” ~ Mommydearest623904
“Wow! Your brother, his wife, and your nephew are crazy entitled!”
“I cannot imagine the nerve of them demanding that you help fund your nephew’s college education.”
“Unless he is secretly your son, (obviously he isn’t) there is no way they should have even hinted at you helping let alone trying to shame you for doing something nice for your cousin.”
“NTA for not giving them your money.” ~ SchipperLeeLuv
“NTA. In what world is it your responsibility to take care of a kid that isn’t yours, legally or biologically, by paying his tuition?”
“Your money is yours to do with as you please, and if you want to help your cousin out with the dog’s medical bills, that’s your right.”
“Their excuse of ‘we’d have to downgrade our lifestyle’ is extremely selfish.” ~ pleasedontrefertome
“NTA. Your money, your say period.”
“One thing they didn’t realize is that the more they badmouth you, all the more it should dissuade you from helping them.” ~ 0_IceQueen_0
“NTA – Your brother sounds like the A-hole here.”
“It’s your money and you get to decide how and when you spend it.”
“I don’t understand why he feels entitled to your money. I don’t care how much money my sister had.”
“I would never expect her to pay for my kid’s college because they’re my kids and my responsibility, not hers.”
“Especially knowing that your brother could easily afford it if they didn’t take such luxury vacations.”
“I don’t feel bad for them at all.” ~ Chelle_leah_
“Definitely NTA, if they can afford luxuries then they can afford their kid’s college education.”
“Why haven’t they set up a college fund earlier when they had their son?”
“Nice one for paying for that dog’s treatment, a few years ago I did something similar for a neighbor’s dog, she needed spaying but my neighbor had just been made redundant.” ~ deadinthehead66
“NTA. The dogs’ situation was life or death, so I don’t understand how this is a comparison.”
“Also, bottom line it’s your money and NO ONE has the right to tell you how you should spend it.”
“I wouldn’t let anyone guilt me into giving them money, especially when they aren’t in any financial trouble.” ~ TurbulentMechanic808
“How old is your nephew?”
“If he’s nearing college age and they haven’t been saving for years and just assuming that you’d cover it…”
“It actually doesn’t matter. NTA.”
“Your cousin’s dog should be irrelevant.”
“Your brother and his wife have the means and they should have been prioritising their kid’s education.” ~ Maximum-Ear1745
“NTA. It is not your responsibility to pay for your nephew’s tuition.”
“And the parents have enough money for it, so even less reason to do it.”
“The only thing I find a bit weird is that you paid for the dog.”
“I mean you wrote your cousin is very well off and could have easily afforded the costs herself.”
“Just let her pay for her own dog.”
“If you love dogs so much, you could rather help some who really need it, who don’t have a rich owner.” ~ opelan
“Lord have mercy, you are NTA!!”
“These grown adults clearly have problems making responsible financial decisions.”
“Their responsibilities are not your problem, and their problems are not your responsibility.”
“How dare they even ask you for money.”
“I would be horrified to ask one of my siblings for money.”
“My freaking house burned down last year and I did not ask anyone for money.”
“Cut them off. Completely.”
“They are toxic and entitled.”
“Also STOP ANNOUNCING WHAT YOU ARE PAYING FOR!!”
“Finances are private.” ~ Sharontoo
“NTA. It’s your money to spend as you choose.”
“It’s a want not a need and even if they needed the help they still have options.”
“You barely have a relationship anyway, so maybe this will get rid of them for good.” ~ CurrentTea3987
“NTA. And badmouthing those, you want something from, is the worst thing you can do.”
“After this action, they would have lost every possibility to ask for anything from me.” ~ Bastet79
“NTA. I hope the dog is doing well!” ~ HarlowTailor22
OP, it’s your money, you get to do as you wish with it.
If your brother and his wife aren’t financially strapped, they have no right to burden you with this.
They wouldn’t have the right even if they were financially strapped.
You love dogs, keep sharing the love.
Reddit is with you.
Good luck with the fam.