Sometimes couples don’t see eye to eye.
This is one of those times, literally.
Redditor KnownLie7425 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“WIBTA if I hid my G[irl]F[rinend]’s contact lenses again?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (24 M[ale]) live with my girlfriend Lena (23 F[emale]).”
“She’s doing her master’s right now, which means she has classes most mornings/early afternoons (usually 8–1 or 2), and then she works from home most evenings (like 5–9).”
“I also work from home full-time, so I see her routine every day.”
“The thing is, her eyes are constantly suffering.”
“She wears contacts to class, and by the time she comes home, they’ve made her eyes super red and irritated.”
“Then, when she switches to her glasses, they calm down, but the second she has a video call in the evening, she takes the glasses off because she feels self-conscious in them.”
“Within half an hour, her eyes are itchy and irritated again, and sometimes she ends up with migraines from looking at a screen without glasses.”
“She also gets allergies a lot, so she wakes up with watery eyes.”
“She insists on it because she doesn’t like how she looks in glasses.”
“She refuses to leave the house with her glasses on.”
“For the record, she’s gorgeous, glasses or not.”
“She’s the prettiest girl.”
“I don’t think she realizes how bad it is, like she thinks itchy eyes are normal.”
“I’m honestly worried she’ll scratch a cornea.”
“She has eye drops that help, but normally I have to really bully her into using them because they leave a bad taste in her mouth.”
“On Friday, her eyes were already itchy, but she didn’t have any evening calls, so they settled down.”
“That night we had dinner plans, and while she was rushing to get ready, her eyes were itchy from the eyeliner she uses, and I knew the second she put her contacts in, it would get worse.”
“So I hid them.”
“She grabbed her glasses before we left, but didn’t put them on while we were out, apart from to read the menu.”
“I know it was sneaky, but I swear it was in her best interest.”
“Her eyes need a break, and I feel like if I don’t intervene, she’ll just keep hurting herself.”
“Like not every week, but like on the occasion, when her eyes are really bad?”
“I’m not really sure what else I can do to help her.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“WIBTA if I did this again?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“YTA. This is controlling and massively overstepping.”
“How to correct her vision is HER medical decision to make.”
“Not yours.” ~ riontach
“Thank God this was the first reply.”
“I was scared people would be ok and advocate for this kind of intrusion.”
“I bet if there’s this kind of invasive controlling behaviour in one area, it’s there in others as well.”
I hope OP’s GF finds out how manipulative he is and thinks he knows ‘what’s best for her’ and breaks up with him before it gets worse… because holy F**k.” ~ Polarbones
“No, when you take medical aid from somebody, it is never acceptable, and it is abuse.”
“OP may not mean it to be such, but it absolutely is.”
“Same thing as if you sabotaged someone’s wheelchair because you don’t think they need to use it, or you hide their cane or hearing aids.”
“His girlfriend had other medical aids she could use, thankfully, but that does not mean it is not abusive to take someone’s medical aid from them.” ~ sunkathousandtimes
“Right?! The amount of manipulative people I’ve known through my life who would heavily lean on the ‘but it’s for their own good’ rhetoric is frankly disgusting.”
“She’s a fully capable adult who doesn’t need to be infantilized by her partner.”
“If she wants to wear scratchy contacts, it’s her own damn business.” ~ -Rubilocks
“I also don’t like the way I look in my glasses, so I wear contacts every day when I’m in the office, but keep my glasses on when working at home – except if I have a meeting, when I’ll also switch.”
“OP, I get you don’t want to see your girlfriend suffer, but this is her decision to make.”
“If she really has this strong a reaction, you could suggest once that she look into the cause (eg, switch from hard vs soft lenses/daily vs monthly, different contact lens solution, get her eyes rechecked to adjust the prescription…) but ultimately you need to drop it; it’s her choice.” ~ BrightPinkZebra
“YTA. She’s an adult.”
“You’re being controlling and claiming it’s in her best interest.”
“You can express concern, but hiding them is absolutely not okay.” ~ fanofnone2019
“Bodily autonomy is not something that you get to control for another person just because you’re dating them.”
“YTA, and there is no spin you can put on it that will make it anything other than that.” ~ blancamystiere
“Yes, YTA.”
“She’s an adult, and if her eyes are at the risk of getting irritated or infected, your role as a partner AT the MOST is to offer solutions such as changing the brand/visiting the optician/going to a specialist to check what’s happening.”
“If she insists on being adamant despite this, there is nothing more you can do.”
“Hiding this is weird, childish, and definitely will backfire on you.” ~ imightbeapug
“YTA. Your supposedly benevolent motives don’t justify this controlling and manipulative behavior.”
“You know better than her?”
“You can live her life better than she can?”
“You’ll make decisions for her if she won’t go along with your choices for her?”
“You’ll hide her belongings to get your way and prove you’re right?”
“Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.” ~ nasnedigonyat
“YTA. I don’t care how noble you think your intentions are.”
“She is not a child, and you are not her parent.”
“You can continue to tell her how gorgeous she looks in glasses.”
“You can encourage her to see her optometrist again and find out why she reacts so badly to contacts.”
“I wore contacts for 25+ years with zero problems, so it’s possible her discomfort can be solved with a different prescription or different eye drops.”
“But you do not get to make decisions about what she puts on or in her body, and you do NOT get to hide her contacts and gaslight her into thinking she’s lost them.”
“She has eye drops that help, but normally I have to really bully her into using them.”
“Stop f**king bullying her.” ~ ThisWillAgeWell
“YWBTA. Encourage her to go to the eye doctor.”
“Buy the single-use use no preservatives artificial tears for her.”
“See if her saline solution has expired.”
“If she uses disposable contacts, check they haven’t been open too long.”
“I had to stop wearing contacts as my eyes couldn’t tolerate gas-permeable ones anymore, in addition to some other issues.”
“Contacts should not be itchy.”
“She could need new contacts, different saline, or it could be her seasonal allergies acting up.”
“None of that gives you permission to hide her visual aides.”
“It doesn’t matter if she also has glasses.” ~ EquivalentTwo1
“YTA. If you’re that concerned, get her some different eye drops that don’t leave a bad taste.”
“There are lots of options.”
“Or help her make an appointment with an eye doctor.”
“But being sneaky like this because you think you know better than she does what she needs is not okay.” ~ yourlittlebirdie
“Yes, YWBTA, regardless of your motives and wanting to help her, hiding something so vital would be effectively gaslighting and would spike her already huge stress and mental load.” ~ GuyWhoKnowsMoreThanU
“YTA. She’s making the choice to suffer with contacts, and it is 100% her choice.”
“She’s insecure about how she looks in glasses, and forcing her to wear them isn’t going to help that.”
“Don’t mess with people’s medical aides.” ~ OddLeeEnough
“YTA. You’re willing to lie to your partner about this instead of having a conversation with her about your concerns.”
“What else are you willing to lie to her about?”
“Once you start justifying betrayals, you’ll keep finding justifications for controlling and manipulating her into doing and being what you want.” ~ SQ_Madriel
“Yes, YWBTA, if you hid her contacts.”
“It’s up to her whether or not to wear them and not your place to take that choice away from her because you think you know better and have ‘good intentions.'”
“Just be a normal, good person and encourage her to go to the eye doctor to see why her eyes are reacting like that or switch to a different contact style/brand.” ~ No_Hunter_632
“YWBTA for hiding the contacts because her property, her choices.”
“It’s a big enough insecurity that she chooses pain over glasses, and forcing exposure therapy will likely make the problem worse.”
“If you want to be proactive, you may have to nag her to see an optometrist because I’m pretty sure she shouldn’t have that reaction to the contacts.”
“Probably an allergy.”
“Get that sorted, and no more problems.”
“Bonus points if you want her to overcome her insecurity, maybe give plenty of compliments when she’s wearing her glasses, say she looks like a sexy genius or something.” ~ Background-Heron81
Reddit is not thrilled with your actions, OP.
There has to be a better way to help your girlfriend without resorting to deceit.
Maybe take her to an eye specialist, and they can convince her.
Trying your trick again may not go over well if you’re caught.
People don’t like being manipulated.
Good Luck.