At the end of the day, even if it rains, if the food is burnt, if the cake is damaged, or the bride spills wine on her dress, a wedding can still be the happiest day of the bride and groom's lives, as it's the beginning of their new life together.
Which isn't to say that the bride and groom can, and should, still want the day to go perfectly.
Giving them every right to be upset, or even angry, at any unexpected surprises that may befall them on their big day.
Understandably, Redditor comewhatmayyyy was less than thrilled when her fiancé informed her of a prank his best friend wanted to pull on them during their first dance.
Something the original poster (OP) wanted absolutely no part of.
But when her fiancé proved disappointed that she wouldn't even consider it, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not wanting the first dance at my wedding to be 'God's Plan' by Drake?"
The OP shared how wedding planning was initially going quite smoothly.
"I'm a 29 F[emale] getting married to Terrence, 30 M[ale]."
"We've been together 8 years, and are very much in love and pretty much perfect for each other in all ways."
"Our wedding is scheduled for September, and wedding planning has been going great."
"The only argument we've had over it is the subject of this post."
"Since Terrence and I met and started dating during our college production of Moulin Rouge (a musical), when we got engaged, I immediately suggested that our first dance be to 'Come What May' (the romantic duet between the two main characters) because I feel like it perfectly encapsulates our relationship and how much we love each other."
"We're also both huge fans of the musical, and when I suggested it to Terrence, he loved the idea."
Things took a turn for the worse, however, when Terrence's best friend offered a proposition, with a financial incentive, which appealed to Terrence, but horrified the OP.
"However, Terrence recently came to me to tell me that his friend Ian (also 30 M) offered him $3,000 to 'prank' me during our first dance by switching out 'Come What May' for 'God's Plan' by Drake."
"Specifically, 'Come What May' would play for around 30 seconds, and then it would switch to the part where Drake says 'She says do you love me I tell her only partly I only love my bed and my mama I'm sorry', which I think is really tasteless for a first dance at a wedding."
"Ian works a high-paying corporate job (and also gets an allowance from his rich parents) and his sense of humor is sort of mean, so it makes sense he would offer something like that. Ian also told Terrence not to tell me, but Terrence wanted to tell me anyway because he felt I deserved to know."
"I thanked him for telling me and started talking about how to confront Ian, but Terrence got sort of quiet and when I asked him what was wrong, he said we should consider doing it and I would just pretend I had no idea."
"He said that $3,000 could help pay for our honeymoon and we could invest it."
"I was angry that he'd even consider doing it because it would be a) humiliating and b) 'Come What May' has a lot of meaning to both of us, and I want our wedding to be about us, not Ian's stupid prank."
"Terrence begged me to at least consider it because it would just be 'one moment' of our wedding, but I said that I wanted our wedding to be a celebration of our love, not as a ploy to get money."
"Terrence then got really quiet and told me he wanted alone time, and went off to our room."
"I texted my brothers for advice and both of them said that they understood where I was coming from, but that I was being unreasonable and a bridezilla to not even consider it since $3,000 is a lot of money."
"I'm starting to think I might be an a**hole because I guess in the grand scheme of life, our first dance isn't the most important thing and $3,000 would really help us out."
"On the other hand, I just don't want one of the happiest days of our lives to be soured by a dumb 'prank'.
"AITA for not wanting the first dance to be ruined?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly took the side of the OP, agreeing she was not at all the a**hole for refusing to have her first dance be a "prank".
Everyone agreed with the OP that no amount of money was worth doing something which would make the OP unhappy at her wedding, and Terrence should have noticed this immediately and not pressured her.
"No!"
"NTA at all!"
"Some things aren't worth the money- especially when it's degrading or could ruin an important moment."
"This does BOTH."
"I think it would be funny if you were BOTH into it and made it into a joke first dance, but to even suggest it as a prank on the bride is just vicious."
"You should be in on every 'joke' or 'prank' planned for your wedding day."
"Now I'm just trying to picture what this would look like if OP's fiancé actually did this without telling her."
"Holy cringe."
"What, are you supposed to just stand there in shock while the groom mouths the lyrics and dances alone?"
"All for the 'prank' of basically confessing he doesn't love you in front of all your friends and family?"
"Your fiancé's friend spends too much time on TikTok and has forgotten that moments last longer than 60 seconds and things can get very uncomfortable very fast."- Masta-Blasta
"NTA."
"You'll have the memory of that first dance forever."
"The 3,000 will be gone as soon you spend it."
"Memories > Money."- DiscussionGlobal668
"NTA."
"What the hell is wrong with all these guys in your life?"
"Tell your fiancé it's either 'Come What May' or no first dance at all."
"So Terrence would rather prioritize his friend's joke than his wife's humiliation on your wedding day?"
"The first dance is a special moment that means something to you."
"This isn't about Ian or your brothers or anyone else but you and Terrence."
"I'd put my foot down on this one."
"BIG red flag."
"PS - I absolutely ABHOR people who think mean pranks are funny."
"It's very telling of the sort of person Terrence is that someone like that is his close friend."-cookiequeen724
"Is Terrence marrying you or is he marrying Ian?"- smithjojo99
"NTA."
"First, do you really think you guys would actually see 3k?"
"Let's face it, the guy wouldn't pay and would play if off as a joke."
"Second, a wedding isn't a place for a prank or a joke, your soon to be Husband is a big AH for thinking it would be okay."- HegoDamask_1
"NTA."
"And consider this:"
"If your fiancé is so eager to do this to you, KNOWING how unhappy it will make you on one of the most important days of your life, to amuse his vicious buddy for $3000, do you really think it's going to end there?"
"How many other pranks do you think you're going to have to put up with for the duration of their friendship, once Ian knows that he can get away with doing sh*tty, humiliating things to you for fun, and all he has to do is dangle money in front of Terrence?"
"How often do you think it will happen?"
"How many more special occasions of yours do you suppose he'll ruin?"
"Baby announcements?"
"Anniversaries?"
"Birthdays?"
"Dinner parties?"
"Once you allow this, you're telling Ian that it's open season on you, and Terrence, your lovable dimwit of a husband, is telling him that he's a sucker who'll gladly humiliate himself AND you for the right price."
"It will never stop."
"Ian isn't just not a friend to you, he's not Terrence's friend either, or he wouldn't WANT to ruin his wedding."
"The man is 30 years old, not 15."
"At this point it's not 'pranking', it's just a flat-out sadistic streak, and he's looking for an outlet."
"If your husband goes along with it, you're going to be the butt of jokes for the foreseeable future."
"Don't do this to yourself."
"Tell him no, but also I'd think twice about whether you want to marry a man with so little spine and self-worth that he would let a so-called 'friend' do something so miserably cruel to his new wife at his WEDDING for a laugh."
Needless to say, the chances of everything running like clockwork at a wedding are somewhat unlikely.
But as long as it remains a day full of happy memories, that's all that matters, and one unhappy memory could be all it takes to ruin the day.
Here's hoping Terrence comes to realize this before his big day.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Cancel Date After He Makes Too Many Sexual Comments
Dating can be really hard, because let's be honest, as fun as it's supposed to be, there are some very strange prospects out there.
While some might just be socially awkward, there are definitely some walking red flags, ready to push every boundary, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Suspicious_End_441 had been talking to a guy for a little while and was planning to go on a first date with him when he started sending her increasingly inappropriate text messages.
But when his texts went far past her comfort zone, especially for someone she'd never met, the Original Poster (OP) planned to call off the date and truly never meet the guy in real life.
She asked the sub:
The OP had been talking to a guy and was looking forward to going on a first date with him.
"For context, I (30 Female) met this guy online and have been talking to him the past few days."
"He asked me out, and we planned a date for today. He seems really nice so far."
"I like him, but he’s made a couple of comments that maybe seem like a red flag to me."
"First off, I did my nails for the date, and he asked me to send him a picture, so I did."
"Then he made some comment like, 'Those would look great wrapped around something.'"
"I kinda brushed it off because I know that’s how some guys are... but it did give me the ick a little."
"Then I asked him to tell me more about himself, and the second thing he told me was that he has a high sex drive."
The potential date texted:
The OP no longer liked the idea of dating the guy.
"Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude, but this made me slightly uncomfortable. I’m wondering what reason you would need to tell this to someone you haven’t even met yet."
"I didn’t think he would be expecting sex on a first date, but this made me rethink."
"I’m also recovering from a surgery that I had three weeks ago, and he knows this. So that literally isn’t even an option for me, not that I would wanna do that on a first date anyway."
The OP considered never meeting the guy in person.
"I kind of feel like he’s making too many sexual comments too quickly, especially considering I didn’t engage with his first comment at all."
"Am I overreacting, feeling like I maybe want to cancel the date and block him?"
"I just feel like these comments are an indicator of his expectations... or maybe he is just 'being a guy'?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some had second-hand "ick" from reading that text message.
"NOR. My face when I read that text: [Dan Levy from 'Schitt's Creek']" - Unlikely_Captain_499
"I’d nope out right after the nails comment. After I blast him for being completely out of line." - WHYohWhy__MEohMY
"If he’s that comfortable saying stuff like that before he meets you, imagine what he’ll say after he knows you better." - ScrambledNoggin
"Gross. That joke should be saved for wife or long-term girlfriend where you know you'll get a laugh... or more accurately, an eye-roll and a 'threat' to not sleep with him for the next three months, LOL." - HovercraftIII1258
"Every time I get my nails done, my husband says something similar to that, and I always reply, 'I think they'd look good jammed in your eye sockets,' and we both laugh, LOL. But we've been married for over a decade. When we met and when we were dating, he was incredibly polite and possibly TOO slow in making advances. THIS is gross." - wingin_it0618
"This is exactly what I expect as a response from a man heavily in the dating scene right now. Like, sex is fine, but this guy really couldn't wait to go out on the date that was already set up and chill for ONE d**n night? If the girl is into you, it will happen when it happens. It says to me like he has no self-control." - BrayIsreal
"If he's giving you the ick, listen to that. It's not going to go away. Don't waste your own time or his. Plenty more fish in the sea, girl." - Zieglest
"As a man who is heavily in the dating world right now, that sounds like such a turn off, and any self-respecting girl who wants an actual relationship would not even talk to him anymore after this. It's so cringey and makes all of us guys look like there's no reason we want to go out with them other than getting laid. As a guy, it's really annoying; it makes girls weirded out by all of us. Sigh."
"Like, sex is fine, but this guy really couldn't wait to go out on the date that was already set up and chill for ONE d**n night? If the girl is into you, it will happen when it happens. It says to me like he has no self-control."
"That was the dumbest thing he could say to kill his chances. I wouldn't bother with him." - BrayIsReal
"NOR, I wouldn’t want to go anymore either. Making multiple sexual comments before even meeting someone is purposeful, and I doubt he remembers that you can’t do anything due to your surgery or even considers whether you want to."
"Don’t brush off how your gut makes you feel. If you are uncomfortable, then you are under no obligation to go." - AliBari
Others urged the OP to listen to her gut, not to go on that date, and to immediately block the guy.
"If he is already this forward, making sexual comments to a complete stranger, then it will only increase from here; he’s not going to suddenly stop. OP, if he already makes you feel uncertain or pressured, then don’t bother." - saiphxo
"Your gut is telling you something and wants to keep you safe. Don't ignore it." - SparkEli1
"Stay far, far away from this guy. Block. Don't look back. Men like this use high sex drive as a disclaimer for zero boundaries later." - CompetitionLankys
"Trust your intuition. Don’t go."
"I (39 Female) am very comfortable with casual sex and hook-ups. When single, I have never needed an emotional connection with a man to let off some steam. I don’t need him to make me feel special or like we have potential. I don’t need to know his hopes and dreams. I separate men into 'just sex' and 'potential for more' easily."
"I do need him to show the most basic level of respect and not be a creep. I would stop talking to this guy the instant he started speaking like that, even if my intention was to just f**k him."
"We are already talking, we are already about to go on a date, why is he turning it creepy sexual, what is that doing for either of us. It just speaks to a lack of judgment, I wouldn’t want to trust. If he can’t handle a basic text conversation without being a creep, why would I trust him to be alone with me?" - TheCa11ousB**h
"Ok, so I'm a degenerate, but even I wouldn't say something like 'those would look good wrapped around something' to a person I'd never met."
"I mean... do I have to be dad here and say the obvious? It's some guy on the internet who's looking to f**k. Is that really what you want? He can't even be bothered to type the d in the word 'and.'"
"Also, your nails look cool." - skippybeefree
"I’m more insulted that it’s just a terribly uncreative line. This guy's a bum!"
"Also, it's a huge red flag is the first thing he describes himself as a clean freak and needs things done his way. Sounds like a control freak, which would make me dip out immediately." - JeromeBarkley
"Only you know what you need to do. Feel safe. Feel comfortable. Feel SAFE!"
"If you don't, then cancel."
"Some men (I am a man) sometimes say way too much way too soon, and some men don't know how to hold a decent conversation. Sometimes just telling them how you feel about the sexual comments and seeing his reaction will tell you more than anything else he has ever said to you up until this point."
"But always remember you can choose to back out at any point in a date, even if you turn up to have dinner but can't walk in. The same goes for him as well if he turns up but doesn't walk in. We all have the right to feel safe and comfortable, especially on a first date." - Ok_goal6591
It was possible that the guy was just excited about the date, nervous to talk to someone new, socially awkward, or just joking at an inappropriate level.
Unfortunately, though, it was much more likely that these comments indicated the guy's expectations for the first date and how he would treat the OP if she set boundaries, especially regarding his inability to perform after surgery for safety reasons.
While it would be fun to meet someone new, it was much safer for the OP to wait for someone else.