It can always be an interesting dynamic when one of our close friends has a new significant other.
As there’s always the initial concern as to how well they will assimilate into the group.
Most of the times, they fit right in, going on to develop an equally strong bond among the group.
Other times, it can be a bit more delicate, where even the tiniest thing might result in a surprising amount of tension.
When a recent Redditor learned that a good friend of his was in need of a pick me up, he wasted no time in showing her that she was in his thoughts.
A gesture the original poster (OP)’s friend greatly appreciated.
Someone who did not appreciate this gesture was the boyfriend of the OP’s friend, who accused the OP of “upstaging” him, and even went so far as to question his motives.
Fearing that he might have overstepped, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for sending my friend a ‘Get Well Soon’ package?”
The OP explained why a care package he sent to a friend ended up getting him in hot water:
“One of my (36 M[ale]) really good friends posted on Facebook that she (40 F[emale]) caught a really bad cold and has been holed up in her apartment for days.”
“I felt bad, so I went to the store and bought some items to ship to her as a care package: Orange juice, cough drops, lemon ginger tea bags, and DVD set of one of her favorite shows.”
“She DMed me to say thank you and that my care package really cheered me up.”
“That good feeling soured when her boyfriend called me up to accuse me of trying to upstage him.”
“I told him that I was trying to be nice, but he started throwing all these wild accusations around and accused me of trying to get into her pants.”
“I apologized for making him feel that way, and told him that my intentions were purely out of friendship.”
“I’ve known my female friend for YEARS and have never tried anything on her.”
“Also, I’m married.”
“Getting into my friend’s pants was the ABSOLUTE last thing on my mind!”
“AITA for stepping on her BF’s toes?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was firmly on the OP’s side, agreeing that he was not the a**hole for sending his friend a care package.
Everyone agreed that the anger from the OP’s friend clearly stemmed from insecurities, with many agreeing the OP’s friend might want to seriously consider if staying in this relationship was a good idea, based on his reaction:
“NTA.”
“If your kindness made him look and feel crappy, that is on him.”
“You can only be accountable for your intentions, which, by the way, we’re extremely considerate of.”
“You do you.”- Eastern-Warthog-6946
“NTA.”
“If he can’t be bothered to care for his girlfriend whilst ill why shouldn’t her friends?”
“Regardless of gender Intentions of friendship are just that.”
“Never feel sorry for being a friend.”- Jonny_rhodes
“You did nothing wrong, he’s just jealous because you gave her a more thoughtful gift while she was sick than he did.”
“Because he probably did absolutely nothing and upstaging him could have been sending her a box of tissues.”
“He’s jealous and upset that you were more thoughtful than he was.”
“NTA , but the boyfriend sure is.”- Even_Enthusiasm7223
“NTA.”
“If you ‘upstaged’ him it’s because he’s insecure.”
“His reaction should’ve been ‘holy sh*t, wife, friend just sent you some stuff to help you recover, why don’t I make this tea for you and put the DVD in?'”
“And if he wanted to show off by doing more then he could do something helpful for HER instead of moaning about it to you.”- CarbonationRequired
“Low effort partners are often very aggressive towoards other people who show their partners decency and kindness, they hate when others raise the bar for human behavior because they don’t want to do the work.”
“He is feeling ashamed because you cared more than he did.”
“Instead of doing the healthy thing and considering why he felt that way and deciding to be a better partner, it’s far easier to accuse you and shame you.”
“NTA keep being awesome.”- Rohini_rambles
“NTA”
“‘I apologized for making him feel that way’.”
“But FFS, why?”- StAlvis
“NTA.”
“The boyfriend is insecure and apparently felt called out by your thoughtfulness.”
“That speaks volumes about him and his apparent lack of attentiveness to her needs, and it doesn’t reflect on you at all.”
“You’re an awesome friend, don’t let this clown damper that.”- CrimsonKnight_004
“NTA.”
“I got that reaction once from a friend’s husband.”
“She had a nasty flu.”
“I took her to the urgent care.”
“When I brought her home, I noticed he had left trash, dishes, laundry, and assorted crap all over.”
“When I’m sick, I feel even worse around messes.”
“So, I straightened up.”
“He got all pissy at me.”
“Yes, he was home.”
“Couldn’t be bothered to take her to the doctor.”
“Couldn’t be bothered to clean up after himself.”
“Whatever jo-jo.”
“I left and got her a vitamin smoothie.”- sugarlump858
“If he got upstaged by a get-well package… the f*ck was he doing?”
“A person in front of me could easily upstage the get-well package you sent by doing things.”
“Fixing the tea, getting an ice-cold glass of water for me, picking up my cough drop trash, etc.”
“A partner who is present and helpful cannot be upstaged by someone who ain’t there.”
“You sent orange juice – you didn’t clean her dishes, fix her dinner, or change out the sweat soaked sheets on her bed so she could sleep in clean sheets.”
“If that man was upstaged, he had plenty of chances to do better.”
“NTA.”
“When I am sick, my partner FIXING tea (and confirming the sugar needs for the different kinds of tea) is always ten times more appreciated than someone just buying the tea.”
“I don’t wanna stand there and fix things while I am sick.”- CaeruleumBleu
“Come on, you know you’re NTA.”- Boatokamis
“NTA!”
“WTF is wrong with this insane insecure boyfriend?”
“You being a good friend doesn’t stop him from being a good boyfriend.”- CharmingProtection22
“NTA.”
“She needs to get rid of the BF though.”- JMarchPineville
“NTA.”
“And when your friend is better, I Would have a conversation with her about it.”
“She should know who she is really with, and what his personality is like when he is not hiding it.”-MisterShipWreck
“NTA.”
“I’ve had plenty of friends relationships end because I was a better partner than their partners.”
“I, a woman, showed up at work with a single rose and a like $3 Teddy Bear and a normal Reese’s for my coworker on Valentine’s Day because we were scheduled together.”
“Her bf, whom I’d never met, accused me of showing him up and trying to break them up (he did absolutely nothing for her for Valentine’s Day, it turns out).”
“They did, in fact, break up after work.”
“Sorry he couldn’t do the bare minimum and I’m a nicer person than he was?”
“You were being a kind friend.”
“That’s it.”
“Her boyfriend’s insecurities over offering the bare minimum to his partner isn’t on you.”- Leviosahhh
“NTA.”
“He’s insecure and jealous.”
“Hope your friend isn’t overly invested in him.”- Ok_Conversation9750
“‘Dude, she’s like my sister. Stop being gross’.”
“NTA”- Liu1845
“Maybe BF should have stepped up if he didn’t want to feel upstaged.”
“You also have to wonder what this guy is like if that is where his mind goes to almost immediately.”
“NTA.”- Necessary-Corner3171
“NTA.”
“He’s insecure and probably didn’t do anything as remotely thoughtful as you did.”
“You’re a good friend.”
“He’s an insecure boyfriend who needs to step up.”- lastunicorn76
“You didn’t try to upstage him; you did because you are nice, and he’s an a**hole.”
“That’s not your problem.”
“NTA.”- slendermanismydad
“NTA.”
“You’re being a decent friend and human being.”
“If the bf feels emasculated, maybe he should get his head out his a** and start treating his gf like a queen so he doesn’t have to be insecure she’s going to look elsewhere.”- Glass-Web-4450
“Plainly put – your actions as a friend make his inactions as a boyfriend looks like a sh*t.”
“That is not on you.”
“NTA.”- Moon_Ray_77
Who hasn’t felt jealous or insecure about something at one point?
However, feeling jealous and angry that someone did something thoughtful for your sick girlfriend is sad, borderline pathetic behavior.
While the boyfriend of the OP’s friend can’t control how he feels, he has the power to hide and contain his feelings as best he can and control what he says.
And all he needed to say were two words:
Thank you.