We’ve likely all found ourselves in one of those situations where we are certain we’re right and want to prove a point.
But there’s a big difference between proving a point about how cold it is outside and locking someone out in the snow, especially when that someone is pregnant, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor prettypineappleberry was pregnant and also had twin daughters, and she wanted to take them out to play in the snow, even though her husband thought it was too cold outside.
But when he decided to prove a point by locking her out in the cold, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and didn’t know what to think.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting by being upset that my husband locked me out for 25 minutes?”
The OP and her husband got in a disagreement about the weather.
“My husband and I have three-year-old twin girls, and I’m currently six months pregnant with our third.”
“We got into an argument over letting our daughters play outside. We got hit hard with the snow, but we both had work, so we didn’t really have a chance to let the girls play in it.”
“We were both off today, so I thought, perfect opportunity! This was the first winter they were old enough to care about snow, and they were mesmerized by it.”
“So this morning I told my husband I’m going to take the girls out to play. He said he didn’t want to come because it’s too cold.”
“I said that’s fine, I am taking them.”
“He said he didn’t want any of us outside because it’s too cold and the girls will get sick.”
“I kind of just laughed and said we won’t be long, it’s 25°f, not negative 20. I probably didn’t handle it the best and brushed him off but he dropped it after that.”
“I got the girls bundled up, and we headed out front. We had fun for a few minutes, and they loved it!”
“But within 10 minutes, my husband was at the front door, calling for the girls to come in. They go inside, and I’m kinda just standing in the front yard, annoyed for a moment.”
But then the OP’s husband decided to prove a point.
“I went to go inside, only to find he has locked the door. I’m mad now, AND I have to pee.”
“I start knocking and calling for him, but he doesn’t come to the door and is ignoring my texts and call,s too. I even texted that I really needed to pee, and he ignored that, too.”
“The most upsetting part is that I could hear one of my daughters crying the entire time, stressed out knowing her mom is outside.”
“So I stopped knocking and sat on our porch.”
“25 minutes went by, and he finally comes and unlocks the door.”
“I push past him to go to the bathroom because, yeah, I’m mad, about to pee myself, and freezing at this point.”
“He’s smiling like it’s funny and saying, ‘Oh, I thought you said it’s not that cold, what’s wrong?'”
“We haven’t spoken much today after that.”
The OP was hurt by what her husband did.
“He has genuinely never done something like this before. He’s caring and not punishing or vindictive, so this really isn’t in his nature.”
“I’m appalled and really hurt. I understand I annoyed him by taking the girls out, and he thinks I undermined his parenting.”
“But I am a grown woman; he doesn’t get to punish me by locking me out of my own home. Or maybe he’s justified, I don’t know, I feel crazy.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some were appalled by how the OP’s husband treated her.
“NOR. There is a big difference between going outside and actively playing in the snow for a few minutes and sitting out in the freezing cold.”
“People take their kids skiing all the time. There are also countries that leave their children to nap outside in the snow in their prams (appropriately clothed and covered, of course).”
“Also, it isn’t even about being cold so much. He refused you access to your own home, he separated you from your children while they were distressed, he could have made you soil yourself, and showed your girls that men don’t need to respect the woman they are in a relationship with.”
“All to ‘teach you a lesson’. Because you dared not agree with his every opinion and decided to create a beautiful moment for your kids instead?”
“How would he have felt if you had to go to your neighbour to use the bathroom and explain exactly why to them? Would he have been embarrassed for other people to have known what he did to you, or would he have stood by it?”
“I would be keeping an eye on that type of behaviour to make sure he doesn’t escalate. His actions were completely over the top and totally out of proportion to the situation.” – Obsolete-Complete
“His behavior was sadistic, not funny, and dangerous… you are pregnant! Also, he traumatized the children.”
“I’d sit him down and tell him if he ever pulls a cruel stunt like that again, you are calling the police and hiring a divorce attorney as soon as possible.”
“Start documenting his behavior! I have a difficult time believing this is a first red flag you’ve experienced, seems more that you enabled and excused his unacceptable behavior before?”
“This is abusive behavior. What if he thinks it’s funny to lock his kids, when older, out when they displeases him and he’s making a point?” – Opinionated6319
“He’s a piece of s**t. Your kid was crying, clearly knew you were outside. If your kiddo is old enough, they probably wanted to open the door for you, and your husband would have told them not to.”
“Not the behaviour they should see from a grown a** man.”
“Also, you’re pregnant, and this is the way he is treating you? I mean, he shouldn’t be treating you like this at all, but what the actual f**k?!” – BellaMissyStorm
“NOR. What he did is considered domestic violence in some states. To be honest, you should have either gone to a neighbor or called the cops. I hate to say it, but it only escalates from her,e no matter what you do.” – Aggravating-Wind6387
“It would not be overreacting to divorce him over this, in my opinion. This was physical abuse, plain and simple. And you have text messages and missed calls, and potentially ring camera footage to show a lawyer.” – Key-Possibility-5200
Others recommended that the OP begin documenting in case this behavior repeated itself.
“I was thinking she should have gone to the neighbor to use the bathroom and call the police to make him let her back in, and likely scold him for his behavior. Then there would be a record of the incident.” – Enough-Pack7468
“I hope she starts to keep a notebook of his abuses. This is probably not the first time, because she has normalized it to herself.”
“A written record of the dates of events is incredibly important. Make a diary, or write emails to yourself describing what happened. Maybe they’ll never be used.” – Substantial_Shoe_360
“‘I’m six months pregnant, my husband locked me outside, it’s 20 degrees outside, and I can hear my daughter screaming from inside the house.’ That’s what I would have told 911.” – Due-Huckleberry7560
“This is an important reminder: the LEADING cause of death for pregnant women is murder.”
“NOR. He stepped over the line, and this is irreversible, not to mention unforgivable. What a piece of s**t, to say the least.”
“I wonder if any neighbors saw OP sitting there waiting in the cold for a half hour.” – SnooCauliflowers9874
“NOR, OP.”
“This behavior is extremely abusive of not only you, but for both your daughters to observe. They knew you and their father were fighting, and your husband deliberately called them in, and he then separated you from them both. This is deeply concerning.”
“Your husband is teaching your daughters that it’s OK for fathers to look pregnant mothers outside in the freezing cold. Is that really what you want them to think? Is it behavior you want them to put up with when they fall pregnant as adults?”
“He’s also teaching them that locking the door is a great tactic to pull passive-aggressively on each other, as well as on you. Think about the behavior that he’s modeling for them. He teaches them every day, just like you, only he’s teaching them to let a man do the same thing to them. Does he want that? Is he even aware of what he’s doing?”
“You’re not overreacting. This is a big red flag. It needs to be addressed in your marriage as an unacceptable action.” – RedHeadRaccoon13
The subReddit was thoroughly alarmed by how far the OP’s husband was willing to go to make a point, in which the OP had only wanted to give their daughters a fun time and a few new great memories while they were both off of work.
Even if this was the first time the OP’s husband behaved this way, since he found the results so funny, it likely wouldn’t be the last.