You never know what kind of interactions you're going to have by living in a large apartment complex.
You're lucky if you live in a nice community, as having even one enemy can grow into an uncomfortable living experience. One woman had a combative encounter at the pool and left her wondering if she was in the wrong for her public conduct.
So she visited the "Am I the A** Hole?" (AITAH) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Aggressive-Teach-539 asked:
"AITAH for untying my bikini top at a public pool?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (22 F[female]) live at a pretty nice apartment complex and regularly use the pool to tan and swim. Today I came to lay out and do some homework and to my surprise nobody was here (this was around 10am)."
"For context, this pool is pretty big, and if I had to guess, there are around 50 reclining pool chairs surrounding the pool."
The OP continued:
"Well about 15 minutes ago (11:30ish) a lady came with her kids and out of every open spot chose the seats literally right next to me (Annoying but fine)."
"Well, I'm on my stomach, laying out in my bikini, minding my own business, and have my bikini top untied so I don't get tan lines on my back. (Keep in mind my upper parts are NOT showing I'm completely on my stomach and any side boob would be showing whether the straps are tied or not."
"Anyways, I turn my head and smile at this lady as she's sitting down with her kids, and she gives me a disgusted look and starts scolding me for having my top untied in front of her kids."
"I was pretty taken aback and said, 'Well, you could go sit somewhere else if you don't like it,' and she called me an a**hole. So am I the a**hole for having my top untied in front of her kids?"
The OP clarified some points in edits, writing:
"I think some people are confused, my boobs were not showing at all. My top was still on, only my back strap was untied."
"Also there are many comments about the dangers of tanning, I hear your concerns. I do use sunscreen and go to the dermatologist every year or so. I am aware that skin cancer is dangerous."
"Laying out in Florida is no different than going on the boat for hours or spending the day at the beach. Also, almost everything in the US causes cancer- from the genetically modified food to the chemicals in our clothes."
"All I can do is live my life and take precautions when possible."
In a second update, the OP wrote:
"She left not long ago. I'm heading back to my apartment now. It's Sunday so the office is closed. Nothing escalated after the last update. There are probably 20 people here so I don't think she wanted to cause a scene once others started showing up."
"I'll see if I get an email or anything from the office, I doubt they'll even be able to identify me because I'm wearing a hat and it's a large complex but if anything else happens I'll let you guys know! Thank u so much for all the replies."
She wrote in a third update:
"Well, this is a pretty quick update, but she moved over like 5 chairs and is literally taking pictures of me right now, and I asked what her problem was, and she said she's sending it to the apartments management office. So I'll let you guys know if anything else happens. I'm just trying my best to ignore her at this point."
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
"Email the office and let them know someone was taking pictures of you and harassing you. Get ahead of whatever weirdo sh*t she's gonna pull." – Clean-Ad-8872
"This needs more upvotes than I can give. OP should definitely get ahead of whatever this lady might try to do. An email should suffice to get ahead of any lies she may try to tell."
"I'm not sure if security cameras would be allowed to exist at a public pool, but if they do, the footage could work in favor of your claim that she harassed you." – Love_Guenhwyvar
"The 2nd person to speak up is on the defensive the entire time. I learned this the hard way, many times lol. I thought staying quiet and not causing trouble makes sh*t go away. Definitely not."
"If you think someone is going to report you for something and you believe you are not guilty, you better document your actions leading up the incident as soon as you can while they are fresh and make that report to whoever it is asap. Even if it's your parents because your brother was mean. Home, workplace, where you live, a crazy person in Walmart. First word means more than last IMO." – mr_potatoface
"People saying to email the office are right, but personally I'd stop by in person first chance tomorrow. Make sure they know how unsafe and uncomfortable it was and you want to make it known you were harassed and would like to also make sure you're not doing anything wrong (you arent)."
"Edit: make sure you also email. The commenter below me is very right that having it documented is important in case of any number of things not being handled correctly or if you're told one thing to your face but they do something different." – Rumkitty
"Not sure where you live but New York City passed a law that stated something like 'A Woman may walk about the City topless as long as she is not doing it for money.' "
"People need to lighten up, she could have taken up seats anywhere other than beside you!!!"
"NTAH!!!!!" – Sunshine_0203
"NTA. You were literally just trying to avoid tan lines while lying on your stomach. Nothing was showing. She's the one who chose to sit right next to you when there were FIFTY other chairs available."
"Parents who act like the entire world needs to bend to their standards for their precious children are exhausting. You weren't exposing yourself to anyone."
"She could have quietly moved instead of making a scene and trying to shame you. Her kids probably wouldn't have even noticed if she hadn't drawn attention to it." – Ill-Astronaut-1218
"NTA. How rude of her! I am a mom. I have little kids, and when I go to our complex pool and the young ladies are sun bathing, I try to keep my kids on the other side of the pool so they don't splash or disturb them. I remember being a student and getting a few precious hours or minutes to relax between studies and work and interning. You deserve your peace and respect as much as anyone else."
"ETA: The top is no big deal. If she's such a prude, one wonders why she's sitting so close in an otherwise empty pool. 🤔" – New_Needleworker_473
"Next time tell her that your bikini top is offended that she has her children out in public. You are appalled that she is flaunting having had sexual relation twice in her life. (Adjust the number to suit the number of kids)"
"NTA." – Relatents
"NTA. You were literally just lying there minding your own business, fully covered. If she was so 'offended,' she could've picked literally any of the 50 other spots. Sounds like she was looking for something to be mad about. Don't let her stress you out. " – chesus_almugabar
"NTA, laughing in European. Growing up, I saw so many boobs out at public pools, it's not detrimental to children's mental health. And as you said, nothing was visible." – Cyrandre
"Tell me you're from the US without telling me you're from the US. I live in a small city in Spain. EVERY beach is top-optional and women of all ages, shapes, and sizes take advantage of it. No one gawks. No one b*tches. No one takes photos." – JanetInSpain
"She sounds miserable with herself. I wouldn't take it personally there's a lot of haters out there when it comes to young women. When I was in my 20s the moms at my daughter's school would hate on me just for that alone… she had the option to sit far away from you and keep her kids from seeing it but she chose to sit next to you and complain. I would take pictures of the empty pool area so if you are contacted you'll have a rebuttal." – Champagne82
"NTA. Contact your apartment manager, hopefully before she gets a chance. Tell them what happened. Nothing was showing. Depending on where you live you might have been allowed to be topless at the pool."
"Where I live, anywhere a man is allowed to be topless, then so is a woman. I suggest also looking up local laws about the legality of being topless even though you weren't topless. It's good to know what the local laws and regulations are regarding that." – SilentJoe1986
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was not traumatizing the woman's kids.
However, they thought the complainer was making a bigger deal out of the situation and her reaction to a non-issue was bordering on harassment with the taking of photos as an antagonistic ploy.
Woman Claps Back At Overweight Roommate After She Calls Her A 'Skinny B*tch' First
Corbis/VCG/GettyImages
A person's weight can be a VERY sensitive topic.
Whether someone is considered overweight or underweight, talking about it can cause a lot of strife.
Some people make comments that they think are light-hearted fun.
But that kind of fun can sting emotionally.
Redditor Certain_Nothing_3355 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (22 F[emale]) have three roommates."
"Lacey (22 F) is one of my roommates."
"All four of us have a good relationship; we regularly have dinner together, go out together, and hang out at our apartment."
"Sometimes Lacey can be snarky, but usually we don’t really say anything to her or each other about it."
"I just chalk it up to a personality quirk and accept it."
"For context, I am 115lb, and Lacey is 215lb (she’s recently started her weight loss journey and posts her weight online)."
"I promise this is relevant."
"Last night, my roommates and I were getting ready for a night out, and I was in my room with the door open, putting makeup on."
"Music was playing, and my roommates were running in and out of each other’s rooms to borrow clothes and chat about plans for the night."
"Lacey walked by my room to grab something from our shared bathroom."
"As she did, she looked into my room and loudly said, 'I’m so glad I’m not one of those skinny bi*ches that needs makeup to feel good about herself.”
"Before thinking, I snapped back, 'I’m so glad I’m not one of those overweight b*tches that needs to put other girls down to feel good about herself.'”
"And then I went right back to putting on my makeup."
"She burst into tears and told me I had no right to bring up her weight."
"I told her she brought up my weight first, so she had no leg to stand on."
"Later, one of my other roommates told me I was out of line since Lacey has struggled with her weight, and we all know she can make sharp comments sometimes, so I should have let it go."
"I agree, I could have probably been nicer about it, but at the same time, I feel like I was also matching the energy she gave me."
The OP was left to wonder:
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. I'm an overweight snarky b***h, and Lacey got what she asked for."
"If we have learned nothing from the body positive movement, it's that NOBODY is allowed to comment on someone else's appearance."
"She drew first blood."
"She won't do it again... lol." ~ kstweetersgirl2013
"NTA. I had a girl call me anorexic all throughout school, and everyone had an issue when I'd call her fat."
"You don't get to make derogatory comments about other people's bodies without expecting it back."
"If I'm going to be an ar*ehole, then I'd fully expect it back."
"I don't see why it should be any different just because she's overweight."
"That doesn't provide her with immunity from having her actions reflected back at her."
"If she doesn't like it, then she should have enough self-awareness to realize she started it and should have expected it back." ~ SleepyDeluxe
"Lacey struggles with her mouth, too, by making such an ugly remark."
"She fired the first shot."
"You just fired back. NTA." ~ YakCertain5472
"NTA. Some insecure big girls think, since being skinny is generally considered conventionally attractive, that it’s OK and fair to disparage and insult people thinner than they are. It’s not."
"They don’t like comments about their bodies or weight, and they shouldn’t do the same to others."
"You gave her a taste of her own medicine, and hopefully she’ll think twice before talking to anyone like that again." ~ draizetrain
"NTA. You’re not in the wrong for clapping back."
"She should learn that you treat others how you want to be treated yourself."
"Not your fault, you returned the favor." ~ turtlesaregorgeous
"NAH, fu*k that. I had a 'friend' who constantly made snide comments on my body."
"She was insecure with herself and lashed out to make herself feel bigger."
"She had the same reaction your roommate did when I started throwing it back."
"Sorry, kids - being overweight isn't a bulletproof shield to protect you from the ramifications of being an as*hole."
"Don't start none, won't be none."
"Either go to therapy and deal with your insecurities, or get it back in your face." ~ Internal-Student-997
"Not the as*hole."
"I couldn't care less if 'that's just how she is' and that she's sensitive about her weight."
"She's an as*hole for being rude for no reason."
"Seriously, she's not being 'snarky.'"
"She's being a rude as*hole."
"What you said was snarky."
"What she said was completely uncalled for."
"Maybe now she'll think twice about insulting people for absolutely no reason." ~ EffectiveNo7681
"I'm going with NTA only because I feel like that sort of behavior needs to have consequences."
"Let her cry and feel bad; if she says something rude about your body, and you give that back to her?"
"Well, maybe she'll think twice in the future."
"I can see why some people went with ESH because, yes, you could have handled it kinder."
"But you're 22, and also you just gave her back what she gave you, which wasn't at all unfair."
"She was rude; you were rude in return."
"She got upset."
"Them's the consequences, hopefully she learned the right lesson here."
"That said, your remark probably really cut her, because underneath her rudeness is likely a lot of insecurity and jealousy, and that's what drove her comment."
"It's not up to you to be her therapist, but if you care about her, you might want to try to have a conversation with her about what drove her to say that to you when you've both calmed down."
"Someone may need to encourage her to get some support rather than taking her angst out on others." ~ Datura_Rose
"NTA and you were NOT 'out of line.'"
"If she’s going to be a b*tch she should expect others to be a b*tch right back, especially about the same thing."
"She doesn’t sound 'snarky,' she sounds like she needs therapy and a proper sit-down to discuss boundaries and appropriate behavior." ~ SteampunkRobin
"NTA. Especially because some people struggle with gaining weight."
"People tell me all the time, 'I wish I were as skinny as you!!'”
"Okay, do you also wish you had thyroid problems that make it impossible to properly digest and hang onto the thousands of dollars I spend on food?"
"My body is killing itself from the inside out, but yeaaaaahhh go tell me to eat another cheeseburger." ~ Dull-Selection615
"See... some of these comments aren't it... yes it costs nothing to be kind, and you don't have to match her energy."
"However, constantly having to push aside her comments because 'that's just how she is' is absolutely not ok."
"Being overweight and snarky are not free passes for her to weaponize and use them."
"Sometimes you need to snap back. NTA." ~ nackle09
"NTA - She was tearing you down to make herself feel better. "
"Sure, she struggles with weight, meaning that was a guaranteed gut shot (no pun intended), but that means she more than understands how hurtful it is to be judged by size."
"Which would make this situation all the more disappointing for you."
"Also, if someone wants to be the snarky friend and make comments like that with no repercussions, then they gotta learn to take some of it back, especially if they cross the line."
"She’s your friend, sure, you could have been nicer, but good intentions only get you so far, and even if she meant it in jest, it doesn’t mean there’s no line to cross." ~ Jedi_Of_Kashyyyk
"NTA. I imagine this isn't the first time she has done something like this."
"You don't have to always just ignore her and let it go; it's not fair that you keep being insulted and do nothing about it."
"I see no difference between what she said and what you said, so if she cried, maybe she'll use this experience to understand how she constantly makes other people feel." ~ WhatTookTheeSoLong
"NTA, she brought up weight first as an attempt to bully without any retaliation; she knows weight is a touchy subject and has made sure no one is allowed to make comments like that to her, but she feels entitled to make opposite comments."
"Do not apologize, but I’d maybe have a roommate sit down and talk about what is appropriate and not appropriate to say to and about others."
"And make it about weight because it’s uncomfortable, but she started this."
"People have all sorts of reasons they are overweight, and some of them really can’t help it."
"In the same fashion, some people are underweight, and you don’t know why they are that skinny, and it’s none of your business, just like it’s nobody’s business why you are overweight."
"Say plainly: these comments about ANY weight have got to stop because they’re harmful."
"From now on, your apartment and your language are body positive no matter what, and snarky comments will get called out as the asshole remarks they are." ~ Netflxnschill
"NTA, as a plus-size woman myself, I would never comment on someone's body, and if I did, I'd expect the same energy back." ~ kpi3zy
Reddit is with you, OP.
You had every right to defend yourself.
Hopefully, you can all talk it out.
Good Luck.