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Lesbian Calls Mom ‘Unreasonable’ For Insisting She And Wife Sleep In Separate Rooms While Visiting

Two women lie in bed together

Sleeping arrangements for people’s kids and their partners is a tricky situation.

Once kids start reaching a certain age, their going to bring people home.

People that they are intimate with.

How long do parents have a say in who is bunking with who?

Is there an age limit?

Case in point…

Redditor Dry_League_4275 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for making my daughter and her wife sleep in different rooms?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I am asking here because a friend told me to.”

“My daughter (31 F[emale]), her wife (33 F) and their son (5 M[ale]) live in a different state.

“I (60 F) always am the one who goes to visit them in their house because of my D[aughter] I[n] L[aw]’s busy work schedule.”

“My daughter said she wanted to come and see me and her old friends with her family.”

“They are currently renovating their house (they have a house in our city and usually stay there when they rarely do come over) and my daughter asked me if they could stay with me.”

“I said of course.”

“When they arrived, I mentioned I had prepared each of them a different room.”

“One for my daughter, one for DIL and one for my grandson.”

“My daughter said I was being unreasonable and that she wanted to sleep in the same room as her wife.”

“I said I made her brother and his wife do the same thing when they visited and they never complained.”

“My daughter told my DIL to arrange for a hotel.”

“I was really hurt by her decision and said I hoped she’d just stay and it was a few days.”

“She said she hadn’t slept apart from her wife for the past 9 years and wasn’t going to start doing that now.”

“They left and stayed at the hotel.”

“My daughter is still kind of cold to me and my friends think I acted like an AH.”

“Was I TA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole, but also they’d like a little more information.

“This can’t be real…no one is this clueless, are they?”

“If it’s real, OP is TA.”  ~ rainyhawk

“My husband and I lived together before we were married, but had to sleep in separate bedrooms at my parent’s house.”

“My mom is very old-fashioned and it honestly wasn’t a hill I felt I needed to die on, so we just went with it.”

“I would have done the same as OP’s daughter and her wife if they tried to continue that rule after we were married.”  ~ bloseja

“Oddly, I was kind of relieved by the ‘brother and his wife’ part which is just a sad statement of where we’re at.”

“I mean, YTA but at least you don’t seem to be TA and a bigot.” ~ booksycat

“No rooms needed.”

“My mother gave me a curfew of 10 pm until I was 21 years old in the hope that I would still be a virgin by the time I got married.”

“I found out by the time I was 17 that you can have sex anywhere.”

“I’m lucky I’m old and we didn’t have smartphones anywhere.”

“Otherwise there would be plenty of videos of me around the neighborhood parks lol.”

“Plus, she didn’t know I am bisexual so my ‘best friend’ and 15-year-old me liked to enjoy beautiful afternoons at her house.”

“I always imagine that people who separate couples visiting their homes are people who either don’t enjoy sex or haven’t had any in ages.”  ~ MrsRoronoaZoro

“Yeah, but people like OP’s mom don’t want to be seen as condoning it by allowing them to sleep in the same bed.”

“That way they can more boldly cast judgment upon their child from a perceived place of moral superiority.”  ~ jerekdeter626

“Man, there is no anti-aphrodisiac like being under your parents’ roof.”

“Why do they always assume it’s gonna turn into a sex party??  YTA.”  ~ partywithkats

“We all want to know the same.”

“They have been married for 9 years and have a son.”

“I do not understand either. YTA OP.” ~ Nana_Wait_What

“YTA- not just for your daughter, but for your son as well.”

“They’re married my God!”

“And in your daughter’s case, they’ve been together for nine years.”

“What possible reasons would you have for them to sleep in different rooms?”

“I would be severely irritated if I was your daughter as well.”

“I really would like to hear why you feel that you need to do this to your MARRIED children.” ~ Roadgoddess

“Unless your reasoning is ‘the only guest beds I have are singles so I made up three rooms because I didn’t think they’d be comfortable squishing two adults into one tiny bed.'”

“I’m gonna have to go with YTA.” ~ CanterCircles

“It only crossed my mind because my grandma has a tiny house and is always apologizing for the sleeping arrangements.”

“She has two guest bedrooms but only one is large enough for a couple – if you can squeeze into a 50-some-year-old twin bed.”

“The other would make a better closet than a bedroom.”

“But, ya know, my grandma still treats her grown children and grown grandchildren like adults and lets them make the decisions on who is sleeping where.”

“She just also makes up every single bed, futon, and couch that she has so every possible option is available.” ~ CanterCircles

“My in-law’s house was like this for years.”

“5 kids, 4 girls so two bedrooms had a pair of twin beds.”

“My husband’s childhood bedroom got redecorated into FiLs office/ man cave.”

“So yeah. For the first 5 years of our marriage (plus the 2-3 prior to marriage we were together), we slept in separate beds.” ~ Caranath128

“Honestly, even if the beds were tiny I’d still wouldn’t care if my child and their spouse wanted to squeeze into one.”

“I’d probably do the same with my spouse, so yeah.”

“I think OP made a bigger deal out of this than she’s letting on.”  ~ reiphas

“I said I made her brother and his wife do the same thing when they visited and they never complained.”

“Your daughter simply isn’t willing to take sh*t like her brother.”

“Good for her. YTA.” ~ PermaThrwAway

“My fiancée and I have been together for 3+ years and have lived together for just under two, and we sleep in separate rooms at her mom’s house.”

“I honestly thought it was a gay thing until her little brother brought a girl home for the first time, and she had to sleep in the guest room too.”

“My fiancée’s mom is a very old-school Irish/Italian Catholic and not great about her daughter being bi, but there are some things that are more about tradition than anything else.”

“We still end up sharing most nights anyway, and everyone knows it, but we have to maintain the illusion.”  ~ starlightprotag

“My parents finally gave in and let my girlfriend sleep in my room when they realized they didn’t really have a bed to give her when all the kids were home/visiting at once.”

“But told me I had to tell my youngest two siblings (16 and 17 at the time) she was sleeping on a camp-bed in the basement so they ‘didn’t get ideas.'”

“So obviously, I went to my siblings and said, ‘Hey guys, Mom and Dad are being huge weirdos about this, so just pretend you believe that Alex is sleeping in the basement and not in my room if they ask, okay?'” ~ lawfox32

“I’m the oldest of three and the only one whose significant other had to sleep in a separate room until we were married.”

“Turns out there are only so many bedrooms!”

“Dad did try to use that against my brother-in-law though, told him he had to help with a bunch of outdoor chores when he visited because my dad ‘let’ him sleep with my sister.”

“So weird they don’t visit as often now!” ~ IrrationalPanda55782

“I think you know the answer here… YTA.”


“She’s not a teenager. You need to be trying to protect her from the atrocity that is sex out of wedlock.”

“As far as your son and his wife, I’m confident that they never openly complained but had plenty of problems about it behind closed doors and didn’t want to confront you about it.” ~ Shtormygeddon

“YTA. They are a married couple.”

“Why are you trying to dictate whether or not they sleep next to each other?”

“I would’ve got a hotel if I was them too!”  ~ spicyhooligan

“You give exactly ZERO context for this very strange rule that you have implemented.”

“I can’t think of a single reason that would justify it personally, but how do you expect anybody to support your decision when you haven’t even tried to explain it?”

“ETA: OP claims that this practice (expecting married people to sleep in separate rooms as guests) is standard in their culture and that she and her husband sleep separately themselves as guests.”

“While that claim is a bit questionable (given the daughter’s surprise at the request and the fact that none of us have ever heard of a culture where that is standard).”

“I think OP’s consistency in enforcing this rule makes this a NAH.”

“But I hope OP takes this moment as an opportunity to reflect on the real-life impact of this rule and decide whether this is a hill she is willing to die on.”

“Also, OP, you should make sure you communicate this rule to your guests ahead of time.”

“As you can probably see, your expectations around this are not exactly common.” ~ Ceecee_soup

Well, OP, Reddit would like more information.

But for the most, everyone seems to be on the same page.

You may need to do some rethinking on this issue when the kids come to visit.

Good luck.