We’ve all had responsibilities that, while they were an obligation, we really enjoyed doing them.
To have them suddenly taken away from us, because of being fired or other changes to the plan, can really hurt, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
The Redditor, who has since deleted her account, was shocked when the family she was being a nanny for, fired her after discovering she was a Lesbian.
Because it happened so suddenly, the Original Poster (OP) longed for closure with the girl she’d been a nanny for.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for saying my last goodbyes to a kid I used to nanny for?”
The OP enjoyed being a nanny.
“I (28 Female) have been the nanny to this sweet, little kid Franny (8) for the past three years.”
“She’s honestly such an angel, and I was super lucky to get to take care of her since we got along well and she never really started any trouble.”
“It was also nice since they live in the same apartment complex as me.”
Then the arrangement suddenly ended.
“Anyways, I recently just started dating again for the first time since then due to a rough breakup.”
“I ran into Fran’s parents while out on a date with my girlfriend who made it pretty clear they were uncomfortable that I was gay.”
“Literally that night, I got a sudden text message from them, saying they found a new nanny that worked better for their needs and that I wouldn’t be welcome in their home again and not to contact them.”
The OP needed closure.
“I’m still p**sed off because we got along all fine until they realized I was a lesbian.”
“Anyways, I went the next morning to question them in person since they live a floor up from me and saw they had gotten the neighbor to babysit who recognized me and invited me in.”
“I didn’t go in, because her parents were normally home during this time so I expected to talk to them instead).”
“Fran saw me (from outside the door), so I kinda loosely said I wouldn’t be seeing her for a while but I cared for her very much.”
“I felt that I couldn’t just abandon this kid who I’ve been watching for years now without a reason.”
The parents lashed out at the OP.
“Anyways, her parents ended up banging on my door today and yelling at me, saying I went behind their back to manipulate their kid.”
“I just wanted to hear what people say because I guess I could’ve emailed or called first, asking to see Franny one last time to clear things up but went over in person instead.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some took issue with the OP essentially trespassing.
“YTA. Regardless of the reasoning if the parents say you’re fired, then you don’t get to just show back up at the house and speak to their child. That could get you in trouble big time, especially considering they weren’t present.” – DismallDally
“YTA. You DO NOT just show up to someone’s home uninvited! PERIOD! Yeah, the situation sucks. It is what it is.”
“You overstepped. My petty a** would reach out to every future couple and let them know. You NEVER interfere like that. Of course you’d run into the child, it’s her d**n house. What the h**l?!” – ChillChic74
“YTA. You have no right to see the child, no matter the circumstances. You are not their parent, and as far as they are concerned, an aggressor.” – Citizen-1
“YTA. If they want to be jerks, that’s their prerogative and their child.”
“You don’t have a right to go to someone else’s house if they asked you not to, considering the child wasn’t in any danger.”
“It would have been totally different if you were passing in the hall and their door was open and she saw you, but that’s not what happened.” – ImAScientistToo
“There is a different angle to this than your orientation. You said, ‘I got a sudden text message saying… that I wouldn’t be welcome in their home again and not to contact them,’ followed by, ‘I went the next morning to question them in person.'”
“They gave you direct instructions to not come to their home and to not contact them. When a minor child is included in a family that tells someone something like that, instructions like that include the minor child.”
“At that point, not only did you lose any privilege to go there or speak to any of them ever again, but by doing so, you encroached into territory that can legally border on things like harassment and stalking.”
“It doesn’t matter how unkind or intolerant their decision was. You have been told, in a fashion that is recorded, and you have acknowledged by writing here that you received it, to stay away and make no contact.”
“You’re the a**hole for going there and for making contact with the kid.”
“If you do it again, or anything like what you did, you may find yourself subject to a protective order or charged with a crime or two.”
“Stay away from families who don’t want you near their family, and don’t communicate with people who don’t want to you to communicate with them or their families.” – uniptf
Others thought the OP was in the right because of her paycheck.
“NTA. Some of the ESH or YTA comments might have a point if this wasn’t the case, even if the parents are disgusting bigots anyways.”
“But if my employer fires me and tells me to stay away (even if the termination is legal) and then ‘forgets’ to pay what he owes me, you can bet your a** I’ll stand on his doorstep the day after my pay is due.”
“If you don’t want to see me again, pay your debts, and I’ll be out of your life. And if my former colleagues who I like (or in this case, that kid) see me while I get my pay, I promise I won’t treat them as if they’re thin air. Especially if I show up at a time when I expect to see you and not to see those colleagues (or kids).”
“But of course, I don’t live in a country where I might get shot for getting the money I’m owed.” – Jagstang1994
“NTA. The people here saying YTA are giving sooo much authority to them, telling you to not contact them again, like they’re still your employers or something.”
“Knock on their door every day until you get your paycheck if you want. You owe them nothing, certainly not respect.” – Havaxx
Some empathized with the OP’s need for closure with little Fran.
“SHE WANTED CLOSURE. It means that she wanted to be sure in person that they were a**holes. It’s her right to want it in person. She thought they were her friends, she was hurt.” – Haru70
“They asked her not to show up. She knew they were mad. She knew they said don’t come around.”
“If her check is all she cared about like she claimed, she can text or call. She’s been lying from the start the part about going to just talk about the check. They can lie all they want in person without remorse. They’re bigots and it’s honestly to be expected.”
“She’s NTA for wanting to say goodbye to a child she loves. She is for lying to herself and saying she went to talk about the check.” – Sawse-Bawse
“NTA. You went to talk to the PARENTS who you didn’t know weren’t gonna be there. Fran saw you before you walked away, and what do people expect you to do, ignore a kid you nannied for years?” – brittanybookworm
“As a nanny, I was heartbroken over this story. You get attached to the kids you watch, and it was VERY cruel that the parents were homophobes who wouldn’t (AND I AGREE, THEY WOULDN’T HAVE PERMITTED IT) let their child say goodbye.”
“Because kids get attached, TOO. Those parents were the AH for sure, just for the homophobia alone. NTA.” – Jedisilk015
“I don’t think the parents would have let you say a last goodbye, and I think that is exceedingly sad.”
“I am an older lady and some neighbors who were nice to me, say 60 years ago, I still appreciate and think about occasionally. Kids do deserve closure and answers. The other neighbor invited you in and you said goodbye.”
“Personally, I would say NTA.”
“And after seeing your update, they can’t even pay someone? H**l NO! They have safe, quality care for their child and want to throw change at someone? I am both glad your lease is up, SAD for their child, and wishing Karma shows herself to them in the way they richly deserve.” – WishIWasHome
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“Well, things escalated quickly. I sent them a final email, asking for my final paycheck and apologizing for showing up at their door.”
“Not sure who but someone chucked a couple of dollars worth of spare change at my door.”
“Thank god my lease is coming up, because I guess it’s time to start apartment hunting.”
“Hopefully Fran is all good.”
Everyone could agree that this situation was terrible, but they were deeply divided on how the OP had handled the situation.
Because she was expressly told not to contact the family again, she absolutely should not have shown up at their door, no matter what her reason was for being there, according to some Redditors.
But other Redditors disagreed and said wanting that last paycheck was reason enough to keep contacting the family until they paid her, and wanting to say goodbye to Fran, who she’d been a nanny to for years, was a perfectly human desire for closure.