Not everybody is going to fall in love with a loved one’s romantic partner.
Sometimes a person’s personal choice can be a bit confounding.
Friends can usually find a way past it, thankfully.
But parents not approving of their kids’ partner can be a bit more sticky.
Case in point…
Redditor Beginning_Till8593 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my son telling my son he’s delusional to think that I’ll approve his marriage?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My son (25) introduced me to his fiancée Sara (20).”
“He informed me yesterday that he was about to marry her.”
“He has dated her for about seven months in total.”
“I was introduced to her two months ago.”
“I will say it outright. I don’t like Sara.”
“She’s messy (and by messy, I mean she looks like she lives in a dumpster).”
“She’s rude (she’ll cuss you out when you eat the last of the chocolate, even if it’s your chocolate because she wanted it.”
“Source: she did it to my daughter. I saw it with my own eyes.”
“She’s wasteful and quite conceited (my son and she are banned from family gatherings after a particular incident).”
“I told my son the truth about it when he asked for my honest opinion after I met her.”
“But in the end, he’s an adult, and I don’t control his life.”
“When he told me about the engagement, he asked me, since it’s been two months if I approve of her now.”
“I laughed a bit and told him no, I don’t.”
“And he got mad and asked me why.”
“So I gave him the following reasons:”
“They’re 20 and 25 and getting married, which I think is a bit too early since they’ve known each other for around 7 months.”
“Neither of them has a stable income or knows how to cook and clean, so they’re hitting a disaster zone.”
“They’re not going to have a pre-nuptial agreement.”
“Again, I don’t like her!”
“But again, I told him he’s an adult, so it’s his choice.”
“I also told him they were going to have to move out because I have three other underage kids to look after, and Sara is not at all nice or kind to them.”
“And that I won’t support him and Sara, just if they are in an emergency.”
“Right now, I fully pay for and house him.”
“He pays no rent, and he has a part-time job and his monthly salary.”
“If they budget it, that will give them more than enough for essentials and savings.”
“Sara owns her apartment, so no rent.”
“Plus, I am fully paying for his college, so no loans to worry about.”
“But other than that, they have to figure it out something themselves.”
“I also told him not to expect me to pay for his wedding because…”
“A) they want a very extravagant one and…”
“B) with the cost of living rising, I want to save enough money to make sure my youngest (who is in 8th right now) will have the same opportunity as him.”
“He got mad at me and left.”
“I recounted this to a few of my coworkers, and they think I am in the wrong.”
“So I have come here to ask some strangers… Am I wrong?”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. He asked you if you approve of her, and you said no but did not attempt to forbid him or anything.”
“Generally, your response and actions seem very reasonable.” ~ napoleonthegreatest
“I’d say OP was downright nice.”
“In my opinion, adults don’t get their parents to baby them any longer; if he’s married, he goes ‘full adult,’ meaning he covers all his own expenses, including college.”
“He needs to pay his own way in life if he wants to be a grown-up and get married.” ~ mortgage_gurl
“Yes, right.”
“What I can’t wrap my head around is… what was this 25-year-old grown man imagining exactly?”
“That he gets married and wifey just moves into his bedroom, and together they mooch off of his mom?”
“So he still wants to be a kid living under mom and dad’s roof but wants a… wife??”
“I can’t even laugh at this absurdity because I’m so worried about the future.” ~ Practical_Chart798
“Which makes it even more puzzling that she won’t sign a prenup, lol.”
“People seem to forget that marrying is the most important legal decision you get to make in your life, other than maybe dying, I don’t know.”
“I’m still not over someone dating for less than a year and decide to get engaged.”
“They have never lived together!”
“They barely know each other!”
“I was with my girlfriend for seven years before we moved in together, and as much as we love each other, it sure as hell was a challenge.”
“Bonus, it was only a few months before covid hit, forcing us to be together 100% of the time.”
“It’s still not perfect. We’re working on it one step at a time… but getting married that’s an even bigger decision that would take a lot of time to consider.” ~ ysekh
“The most important thing that people don’t consider is that when you marry someone- you are also marrying THEIR debt!”
“He might have no debt, no student loans, no medical debt, no credit card debt- because he’s lived with his mom rent-free, and she paid for all his schooling/bills.”
“That might not be the case for his fiancée.”
“She might own her apartment (so he says), but if she’s conceited and a big spender on clothes, dinners/food (since neither of them cooks), etc.”
“There is a very good possibility that she’s carrying plenty of credit card debt.”
“Maybe not, but I doubt he was mature enough to sit down and go over finances BEFORE moving full steam ahead with the marriage.”
“I have been with my S[ignificant] O[thers] for 13 years.”
“We will NEVER get married.”
“His taxes are a mess. He’s on a payment plan with the I[nternal] R[evenue] S[ervice] getting his s**t together.”
“He’s carrying a bunch of credit cards and medical debt.”
“I will NOT marry his debt.”
“I will not put my house, which I slaved away working for through my entire 20s (while all my friends were out partying and having fun), at risk.”
“If God forbid something were to happen to him, I will not be the one they come after for repayment.”
“I’m not perfect.”
“Covid (and now inflation) really racked up plenty of debt.”
“What I don’t do is buy new clothes, go out to dinners, go skiing on a weekend, or meet friends for drinks anymore.”
“We did not even exchange Xmas gifts for the past two years.”
“I’m the free activity gal these days! Lol.”
“Having those discussions are what mature people do before thinking about tying the knot.”
“Even if I was with someone else who was debt free- I still wouldn’t have considered marriage in my 20s.”
“Divorces are expensive, and it would take years of living with someone before I’d be content making that decision.”
“NTA. Your son is not mature enough to be married.”
“His fiancée isn’t even old enough to drink in the U[nited] S[tates].”
“Also, before anyone chimes in to say it- I do NOT live in a state that recognizes common law!” ~ Bizzybody2020
“This… NTA, your son is a grown man. If he wants to marry, then it’s up to him to be able to afford it.”
“Same with after the wedding.”
“He knows how you feel about the situation, but you aren’t stopping him.”
“They probably wanted his mom to pay for the wedding.”
“I’m guessing they either elope, have a long engagement, or break up soon enough when they realize how hard being a grown-up is.”
“OP is NTA.” ~ Mmoct
“OP was extremely nice.”
“She told her 25-year-old son that if wants to make adult decisions and get married, he’d have to fund it so she can take care of his siblings, the youngest being 13-14 years old and the other two being between 15-17.”
“He’s mad because mommy won’t fund his lazy lifestyle.”
“He can’t cook?”
“Only works part-time?”
“Can he clean?”
“And wants to marry a girl who has HIM BANNED from family gatherings after being together for seven months and only being open about the relationship for 2 of the 7?”
“2 months after telling his family he got banned from gatherings because of her? 2 MONTHS!!!”
“I wanna say he knows how bad this decision is, but he doesn’t, and he won’t until he is too far in.” ~ Ennardinthevents
“NTA. All the examples you mentioned show that he is still a kid.”
“He’s financially dependent on you.”
“For the living, for the wedding.”
“You do not like the girl, and they don’t do anything to prove you wrong.”
“He wants to be an adult; he has to behave like one and take over responsibility for his own life.”
“You are no AH.”
“You let him have the choice of who to love, but you are allowed to be honest to him and that this girl is causing trouble for your family.” ~ NixKlappt-Reddit
Well, OP, sounds like Reddit is with you.
Your house, your money, your rules.
You have more than one child to think about.
So you have to do what’s best for you and all of your family.
Good luck.