There is so much to learn with a new baby.
Everything changes, especially your sleep patterns.
Who knew sleeping could be dangerous?
You have to be careful of everything or it can stir a bunch of issues.
Case in point…
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for napping while I was watching my daughter?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (M[ale] 27) have a 7-month-old daughter with my wife (F[emale] 29).”
“Having a child this young is just straight-up hell.”
“I have to work longer hours to cover expenses and I also can’t sleep because of her sleep cycles.”
“On Sunday morning, my wife went out with her friends for the day and I was watching our daughter.”
“I had no energy and when my daughter fell asleep in my arms while I was on the couch, so I did too.”
“I woke up to my wife yelling at me with my daughter in her arms.”
“She was going absolutely ballistic and telling me how irresponsible I was for sleeping with my daughters in my arms like that.”
“I really think it isn’t an issue but she clearly does.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA- I’m a R[egistered] N[urse] at a large metropolitan Children’s hospital.”
“We see horrific cases of babies falling asleep with parents so often.”
“When babies fall asleep on their parents’ chest or in their arms, they can become trapped between the parent and the sofa, chair or bed.”
“Often they are unable to breathe causing death or a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).”
“With a TBI, the once vivacious baby with an unlimited future ahead ceases to exist.”
“In its place is a baby/child/adult that is bed/wheelchair bound, have to be fed through a tube, unable to walk, talk or toilet by themselves. Ever.”
“OP-you are NTA for sleeping when the baby sleeps.”
“In fact, I do recommend it.”
“Just be safe and smart about it.”
“Put the baby in a safe place-crib or blanket on the floor.”
“Remember SAFE sleep.”
“Put baby to sleep on their back, on a firm surface such as a crib mattress, alone and no extra soft toys, pillows or blankets.” ~ titancrisp
“When I was in hospital after having mine one of the mothers fell asleep feeding her baby.”
“The baby fell out of her arms, bounced off the bed, and hit the floor, ending up with a fractured skull.”
“A friend of mine fell asleep holding her son on the lounge.”
“When she woke up he had suffocated and was dead.”
“Maybe most of the time nothing happens, but you don’t want to be one of the ones who aren’t lucky.” ~ Important-Lawyer-350
“I had a bassinet too, loved that thing.”
“It was beside our bed so I could breastfeed at night without going into another room, and could go anywhere in the house for nap time.”
“Yes OP, if you sleep so soundly you do not hear your wife return or feel her take the baby, do not sleep with baby on you!”
“Or with you!”
“Given the age, a playpen may be best, as baby will be crawling and walking soon, so somewhere they are confined is best if you are hard to wake up.”
“Some bassinets have a weight/age limit.”
“Your wife was absolutely right.”
“But I will give you a NAH just because it happened spontaneously.”
“It seems to be the 1st time, nothing went wrong, and you seem unaware of the dangers.”
“It happened to my husband a few times too, but I was there to keep an eye on them.” ~ Canadiandragons24
“Pretty much what I was going to say.”
“I’m an RN in an ER.”
“It’s not a daily thing to be sure, but we see this kind of thing more than I think most people would expect.”
“The parents are always so sincerely devastated, but the damage is done.”
“They’re often sleep-deprived, or thought sleeping with the baby on their chest on the couch would be a great bonding experience.”
“Lying on the couch with the baby on your chest, absolutely, but not sleeping.”
“Sleep on the floor next to the crib or move the crib near your bed if you’re afraid to leave the baby’s side.” ~ blackesthearted
“RN here! Came here to say this exact thing.”
“Also, so tired of survivors bias.”
“Just because nothing THANKFULLY happened to your kid in an unsafe situation, does not mean we should be proponents of unsafe situations.”
“Nap when the baby naps, but place the baby in a safe sleep environment.”
“Alone, on their back, and in a crib (or safe sleep space).” ~ maraluna1780
“NTA for sleeping. Parents survive by napping!”
“YTA for sleeping on THE COUCH with her.”
“It is not safe.”
“This is how babies die. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/10/new-sids-prevention-recommendations/505289/“
“From that article, ‘(where baby sleeps)… should never be a pillowy chair, sofa, or couch—with or without another person on it.”
“The bottom line, says Rachel Moon, the lead author of the Pediatrics study: ‘We know that these surfaces are extremely hazardous.'”
“Or…”
“The average chance of SIDS in England and Wales is 1 in 3,300.”
“But the chance of SIDS while co-sleeping on a sofa is 1 in 180.”
“We therefore strongly encourage you to avoid co-sleeping with your baby in hazardous locations such as on a sofa.”
“https://www.basisonline.org.uk/sofa-sharing/“ ~ Sequence_Of_Symbols
“The issue isn’t that you fell asleep while your daughter was sleeping.”
“The issue is that you fell asleep while you were holding your sleeping daughter on the couch.”
“It’s a suffocation risk.”
“I understand the exhaustion but I also understand her concern.”
“I’m going with YTA because you don’t even acknowledge that you made a mistake and ‘think it isn’t an issue.'” ~ nnv321
“Soft YTA.”
“It’s against several medical guidelines to co-sleep with a child under 1 year.”
“As you can suffocate the baby if you shift your weight or rollover, she could slip out of your arms and fall.”
“And just the general risk of essentially leaving a child unattended while you’re unconscious.”
“I know you didn’t mean any harm but I totally understand why your wife was upset.”
“Next time put the baby in the crib.” ~ KrakenFluffer
“You move your infant to a safe place to sleep and then you take a nap.”
“Sleeping on couch with infant in your arms is dangerous.”
“She could have rolled out of your arms and landed on her head.”
“In this argument, your wife wins.”
“It would have been nice if she hadn’t gone all ballistic as a form of educating you.”
“But the fact that you’re STILL insisting that what you did wasn’t risky shows either a lack of common sense or a lack of care/concern. YTA.” ~ throwaway20698059
“YTA. My husband did this and I found them just in time to catch her before she fell headfirst on the wood floor.”
“The second time he almost smothered her because she was on the cushion side.”
“You are not aware of body positions when you’re asleep.”
“Put the baby in a crib when you nap.” ~ gigatension
“YTA. I’m a mum to a 2-and-a-half-year-old and an 11-week-old. I get it.”
“Totally exhausting.”
“But positional asphyxiation is REAL and unfortunately many children have died the way you were holding your daughter while sleeping.”
“Nothing wrong with you napping while your daughter sleeps but she needs to be in a safe sleep space while you do.”
“I would often nap while my eldest napped but I was in my bed and she was in hers.”
“YTA for dismissing your wife’s very real concerns about what you were doing.”
“Your child is 7 months old, you should be very well aware of safe sleep guidelines by now.” ~ DangerousWrangler572
“Gentle YTA.”
“There’s nothing nicer than a contact nap, but it’s very unsafe to fall asleep with a baby, especially under 1 year on a sofa.”
“It’s a major risk and statistically more dangerous than bed sharing.”
“I remember my husband being shocked about this because some of his favorite pictures are of him asleep on his sleeping dad on the couch, it’s a pretty normal cultural image.”
“But it’s only safe if there is another awake parent supervising.”
“That being said screaming and going ballistic shouldn’t have been the response.”
“Education about safe sleep 7, SIDS risks, and a discussion on how to get more sleep so you aren’t forced into dangerous co-sleeping situations would be more productive.”
“You two need to be supporting each other right now not ripping each other apart for mistakes.” ~ PrimePassion
“YTA. I was totally with you until I read you fell asleep with her in your arms.”
“The fact that you don’t seem to know WHY that’s such a terrible idea is almost just as alarming.”
“By all means take a nap when you can but absolutely not like that.” ~ alaskadotpink
Well OP, sounds like Reddit needs you to listen up.
Sleeping arrangements with an infant can be dangerous.
Hopefully, you and your wife can sit down calmly and discuss the issue further.
Rest well.