When making plans for a special event, there are all kinds of reasons for who will or will not be invited.
But not everyone may appreciate the invitation decisions that are made, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Throwaway_Reddeddit wasn't pleased with her sister's decision to have a child-free wedding.
But when she considered not attending the wedding because of it, the Original Poster (OP) realized it was hurting the bride's feelings.
She asked the sub:
"WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) if I just chose not to go to my sister's wedding?"
The OP was expecting a wedding invitation from her sister.
"My sister has a wedding coming up this summer. It's not a destination wedding, it will be in a local park/pavilion, and she just told us about it recently and told us to expect the invitations."
"We knew it was a possibility, since I heard recently her boyfriend asked our dad about how he would feel if they got married (essentially asking for her hand in marriage, old-fashioned but I guess whatever)."
But she didn't like what was included in the invitation when it arrived.
"Well, when we received the invitations, it said this wedding will be 'childfree.'"
"Once I got my invitation, I called my sister up just to discuss the wedding and give her my response by phone."
"I didn't mention the childfree part, just asked about the wedding and how her planning was going."
"She seemed excited and told me she can't wait to be the 'center of attention' on her special day."
"I congratulated her, but I told her as it's childfree and I have two sons, I wouldn't be able to make it. I would send a gift with our parents though."
The bride was surprised.
"She kinda got upset and asked why I wasn't going to come."
"I simply told her weddings are family events for me, and if it's not a family event, I don't see the point (i.e. kids being allowed)."
"Our parents are the important people to be there for her special day, so I don't feel my presence as direly needed."
"My sister was very unhappy about this, and she yelled that I never even tried to find babysitting or come to her wedding."
"She got angry because last year I attended our cousin's wedding, and she feels hers should be more important and one I should want to attend."
The OP didn't see an issue with this.
"I pointed out their wedding wasn't childfree, my kids were there, they were very well-behaved, and it was definitely a family event."
"I don't feel that I should shell out money to have someone watch my kids, just to watch her get married, and honestly I just don't want to."
"I didn't mention her changing the rule, I just told her I wouldn't be attending."
"She got angry and is now involving my husband and parents in my decision, saying if I choose not to come, she won't speak to me again (her hill to die on, not my problem)."
"My parents would like me to come just to keep the peace, and my husband says it's really my decision and he backs me either way."
"Personally, I don't feel like an a**hole because I'm not asking her to change anything, I'm just making a personal decision."
"WIBTA for not attending?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was way too focused on including her children at every event.
"YTA. Children do not have to be part of everything that happens. You are showing your sister how little you care for her." - ollygollymolly
"The 'If my children can't go, I won't go' attitude rarely works out in the long run. This is how mothers end up losing their identity and being completely lost as their children grow up and become independent."
"It's also how they end up lonely and lamenting on social media how nobody invites them anywhere." - bakerowl
"She's the sister of the bride. She should make more of an effort to go than a regular guest."
"It doesn't sound like she wants to, because her stance is basically 'I don't go where my children aren't welcome.'" - emi_lgr
"Her children won't remember one afternoon they were with a babysitter for a few hours, but her sister will ALWAYS remember that she willingly chose not to attend her wedding."
"YTA." - beloved_wolf
"The kids probably don't even want to go. Even if she hyped them up for it, eventually they would be bored."
"Since it is outdoors, at a park, the longing to run around and do what kids want to do would be torture. If she lets them, it will be disruptive, no matter how 'well-behaved' they are."
"OP seems to think that because it is at a park, the kids should go. I also find it fascinating that she has to put in a snide comment about the fiancé asking her dad for her sister's hand. Why is it necessary to sneer?"
"Or even the venue? Or that they suspected the engagement was coming? It sounds like she's salty about everything and is making this the point of contention." - HappyLucyD
"That and all the sneering at the sister for being excited to be the center of attention on - checks notes - her wedding day. Like? Okay? She's excited to have a big day celebrating her. That's normal."
"I was really excited on my wedding day, too, and I did sort of expect it to be more or less about me and my husband - not random family members and their children."
"I mean, I had kids at my wedding, but their parents all kept them super in check. I was actually the one periodically reassuring parents that the kids weren't bothering me and winking conspiratorially to the kids and involving them a bit more, because their parents were so, so careful not to let them run the show to the point of overcorrection."
"Including my nieces and nephews. I have a feeling OP would extend no such courtesy."
"I'm often in a supporting role in my daily life. Once in a great while, I do enjoy having people celebrate me and my achievements. On my day, I like having the day be about, well, me. That's not selfish; it's normal."
"Not everything has to be about OP's kids." - boudicas_shield
Others said the OP was definitely wrong to not attend.
"This is her sister and the wedding is not a destination wedding. I'd be p**sed and hurt if my sister didn't come to my wedding. No excuse. She has plenty of time to find a sitter." - Aware_Voice_6043
"I remember when my brother announced his engagement, they asked us about anything that we needed to be able to attend (if certain dates were off-limits or whatever). My response to him was that the wedding could be on Christmas Day on the moon and I would still find a way to be there."
"When you love someone, you are willing to do at least the bare minimum to attend their special events. In the case of the OP, that would be asking the children to stay home with their father for a single day." - kennedar_1984
"Weddings seem to bring out the absolute worst behavior in people. I could not fathom missing my sister's wedding even if I had hated the dude she was marrying (I don't, my bro-in-law is great). I'd have had to be on my death bed."
"OP - YTA and one of the reasons weddings have become toxic and s**tty." - peteywheatstraw1
"YTA."
"Weddings are not a family event (by OPs definition must include children) by default. Also - did you know you can be a family without children (mind blown)."
"Another astonishing fact is that parents don't have to do everything with their kids."
"And the fact that you keep belittling it by saying "just a wedding" shows how little you care about your sister but then again it sounds like you don't like her and am doing this to hurt her." - Baaastet
"Fast-forward 16 years or whatever and your kids will be jumping at the chance to attend parent-free activities, and who will you call?"
"Certainly not your sister or any other friends who you let down by taking a moral stance against their child-free weddings or other activities. Relationships require an investment of time and effort and sometimes participating in special life events that you're 'not really interested in attending.'"
"YTA all the way and this is just dumb." - RabbitHole-Ninja
"It's fine for someone to not go to a wedding but to say 'there is no point in seeing my sister get married it my kids can't also be there' is such an a**hole move."
"Either you want to show love for your sister or you don't. I get that sometimes money, travel, work, logistics, and even childcare can preclude attending a wedding, but just on principle to say, 'if it is no kids, I'm not going because weddings are for families' is such an entitled attitude." - melodypowers
"OP seems a little jealous maybe that the attention for the day will be on sister. Seems weird she wouldn't want to honor her sister's choices on her own damn wedding day. Your choice if you don't want to go, but YTA because your attitude sucks." - starswar77
While the OP was insistent that it didn't matter if she was at this wedding and that her sister had made her decision for her, the subReddit did not agree. To not even attempt to find a sitter was telling, and to speak the way she did about her own sister spoke volumes, as well.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.