Feeling lonely, and being alone, are not the same thing.
We all have those times when we just need a soft word or warm hand to make us feel better.
Particularly when we are hurt or scared.
So, what happens when you aren’t quite getting the support you feel that you need during a difficult time?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Injuredandalone when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for being upset my wife didn’t stay in the hospital with me?”
OP began with a quick history.
“So I (35 Male) was in a motorcycle accident earlier this week.”
“My wife (35 Female) has 3 kids from a previous marriage (17F, 10M, 5M) and we have a 1 year old together.”
“I had a collapsed lung and had a chest tube put in, a broken leg and arm and torn ligaments in my knee.”
“I’ve been in the hospital since Monday.”
“She came out the day of my accident and stayed until about 4 am.”
“Was back that same morning but has gone home each night.”
Everything was fine, until…
“Yesterday she only stayed until about 1 pm to prepare the house for the hurricane and didn’t come at all today because the weather wasn’t great and she said she didn’t want to leave the kids.”
“I told her I was upset that I basically went through everything alone.”
“That I would’ve done anything to be with her.”
“She told me she’s been there as much as possible and it’s not fair to dump all the kids on her daughter especially since I’ll need a lot of help when I get home and her daughter will need to help with the kids when she works.”
“I told her marriage means through thick and thin and I feel abandoned.”
OP was left to wonder,
“Now I’m getting one-word answers from her. AITA for feeling like an afterthought?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Some tried to give OP some perspective.
“Bro she has to take care of 4 kids by herself, and is trying to visit you.”
“Clearly she’s trying her best and she’s got a lot on her plate. Yta” ~ Dragon127765
“During. A. Hurricane. Ffs” ~ gimmetots123
“Your wife is currently trying to visit you, take care of four children, and prep the house for a hurricane.”
“And you’re upset that she’s not visiting you for long enough, while also caring for FOUR CHILDREN and preparing for a literal HURRICANE?”
“Yeah, it’s not ideal for you but unless you’ve managed to perfect human cloning, she’s doing all she can.” ~ consectariana
“Four kids and a hurricane?!!”
“Plus you’ll be coming home at some point and then she’ll have to take care of your ass too!!”
“You are being cared for nursing professionals and you are safe.”
“Your wife isn’t a nurse!”
“Please chill out and let her take care of business. You should probably increase your life insurance if you have a family and insist on riding a motorcycle .” ~ LRDSWD
“Motorcycles are inherently dangerous, you take this risk every time you ride.”
“You know there are 4 kids at home, who is supposed to take care of them all day?”
“By your post, sounds like you live in Florida or wherever the hurricane is hitting, someone needs to prepare.”
“She has been there everyday, you didn’t go through anything ‘by yourself’ except sleeping.” ~ Mountain-Instance921
Commenters took a more practical approach.
“And it’s like…is she even allowed to visit him now that OP’s (presumably) out of immediate danger of dying?”
“Like, where I live the big, frequent natural disaster is wildfires, and our local hospitals straight up ban visitors to all but the most critical of patients when we’re under a fire watch.”
“Because they want as few unnecessary bodies in the hospital as possible in case they either get a big influx of patients or need to evacuate.”
“EDIT: And that’s also assuming that they’re not just straight up under ‘stay at home’ orders. Because, you know, f*cking HURRICANE.” ~ calliatom
“You’re an adult surrounded by a care team.”
“She has 4 children and a hurricane to manage.”
“The building you’re in will likely not sustain damage, or not to an extent the house could. You have help, if not companionship.”
“If it were my family in this situation, my husband would be on his knees praying for us, telling me where to find the drill bits, and reminding me that he loves me while I fight for our family.”
“Grow up.” ~ writersarecrazy
Others explained using personal stories.
“When I was in grad school we had a tropical storm hit.”
“My roommates were either helping parents or home from the summer, and I had work the next day and it was supposed to be fine.”
“It ramped up to a cat 1, still not too big of a deal, but I lived in a building that had this tiny alley a person could barely fit through between the next building.”
“When I tell you 75 mph winds ripping through that alley were SO LOUD I was suddenly very aware I wouldn’t be able to hear the difference between that and a tornado coming – I’ve never been so scared.”
“Me and my schnauzer slept in the tub.”
“People LOVE to downplay tropical storms and hurricanes as ‘bad weather’. But they can be absolutely terrifying for grown adults.”
“No 17 year old should be the responsible party during one.” ~ Jade_Echo
“I was 19 and living in Orlando when Irma hit.”
“Thankfully Orlando wasn’t hit hard, but it was the most scared I’ve ever been in my entire life.”
“I’m from the Midwest and had never experienced a storm like that.”
“I stayed up the entire night and had my dad on the phone with me the whole time. I can’t IMAGINE a 17 year old being forced to deal with that, especially with two young children and a BABY.”
“Major AH, OP.” ~ chernygal
Some even tried to give OP the benefit of the doubt.
“A lot of people have a difficult time navigating complicated emotions and feel like they need to figure out Who Is Right and What Is The Correct, Singular Feeling To Have.”
“It’s not crazy for OP to feel awful right now.”
“But he can feel that awful, AND recognize that his wife has 4 kids to manage alone at the moment, AND notice there’s a hurricane happening, AND that’s making a hard situation harder.”
“Edit: but right now he’s straight up bending reality with his expectations”
“My guess is his logic and reasoning are a little offline rn between pain and painkillers, though I’m also wondering if he’s had a hard time with loneliness like this in the past.”
“His wife sounds like a champion.”
“Should have clarified — OP you are not the asshole for feeling abandoned!”
“You’re going through it, this sh*t is hard, I’m sorry it sucks!”
“But that feeling is translating to some thoughts and expectations that are making things harder.” ~ Neurotic_Bakeder
“Maybe you’re still on drugs and aren’t aware of how much of an AH you sound….?”
“It’s not as though she’s leaving you to go party, she has kids…including one of yours.” ~ kdhj88
“Can we also acknowledge that he got into a motorcycle accident.”
“Don’t get it twisted, I feel for everyone who goes through this.”
“I’ve lost close family and had close friends lose fathers to riding but that is 100% a choice of ‘I like doing this.’ And it has always been a choice and risk that said biker has made.”
“This woman is trying to keep a family together and prepare for a freaking hurricane.”
“That is more than enough to make any sane person lose it.”
“He’s mad he’s not getting enough attention at the hospital in the face of a hurricane and a family to keep afloat while dealing with the consequences of a something he chose to do, ultimately.”
“YTA, dude. 100%” ~ bbboozay
“I kinda actually did this while coming out of anesthesia…”
“I came to like an hour and a half before they expected me to, so there was no one there to greet me.”
“It was only a very minor surgery, I know that my Dad was hungry and thought he had time to grab a bite.”
“I was drugged up tho, and I teared up a bit and asked the nurse where dad was.”
“I was a good patient and the nurses loved me, so they had the whole hospital keeping an eye out for him.”
“When he got back, he told me he’d been stopped by 3 members of hospital staff (a janitor, a pharmacist, and someone in scrubs) who had been given his description and told him his daughter wanted him.”
“He felt so bad, but he shouldn’t’ve. My ego was asleep so the id ruled, lol.” ~ RegionPurple
We are emotional creatures.
Our emotions – however capricious – define our reality as much as our senses do.
So, what we feel is inevitably how we perceive the world around us.
It is up to us to determine if those feelings are telling us the truth about our situation, or lying to us.