People have different love languages. Some show their love through acts of service, AKA a home cooked meal.
But others seem bothered by that.
Maybe it is worth figuring out why we feel embarrassed by others showing us love and appreciation.
Redditor ThrowraWork46874 encountered this very issue with his wife. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for telling my wife she embarrassed me by bringing a meal to my work?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 33M recently got hired at a large company in the south where me and my wife moved months ago.”
“My wife was excited for my new job and talked about preparing a surprise for me which got me excited but I didn’t what it was til she showed up at my workplace 2 days ago with a meal she said she prepared specifically for me since it’s my favorite.”
“Apparently this was her surprise.”
“I was little upset she brought it to my workplace. My co workers who are vicious and brutally honest and sarcastic got involved and kept teasing me about the meal. One of them ‘Austin’ joked about how ‘mommy’ is so supportive by bringing food to my workplace.”
“I felt like shit as he and other co workers kept laughing at me.”
“I went to work the next day and Austin kept making jokes about me saying shit like ‘is mommy going to bring lunch today as well?’ and ‘when is mommy coming to change your diaper?’ And some other shit.”
OP was tired.
“One of them who’s someone I don’t know well said ‘oh you guys I can still smell the meal (my name’s) mom brought yesterday. She’s such great cook bless her heart!’ and the goddamned giggles kept on.”
“I felt so awful I went home and just blew up at my wife telling her she flat-out fucking embarrassed me and just torpedoed any goddamned prestige and respect I had among my coworkers.”
“I told her what Austin and others have been doing and asked if she was happy for giving him ammo to come at me like that. She argued that she was just trying to do something nice for me and didn’t care about what people might say but I was a selfish jerk who only cares about what others think rather than how she felt by my constant berating over a meal she put effort money and time to make and bring to me.”
“The argument escalated after I suggested that she could’ve waited til I got home to surprise me with this goddamned meal instead of showing up while I was working which made me seem unprofessional.”
OP’s wife was hurt.
“She said she came during lunch break but I was still working during lunch break.”
“She said at this point I clearly find it easier to blame her than stand up for myself against those childish bullies.”
“I said I didn’t appreciate what she said but she replied that I should be grateful she cared enough to bring me a home cooked meal then thanked me for showing her it’s not worth wasting anymore of her time cooking for me after this.”
“I told her to stop blaming me for something she caused and asked her to admit that maybe she should’ve consulted me before bringing the meal over so I could avoid being the goddamned butt of every joke my coworkers told.”
“I don’t even know how long this is going to last. She told me to man up and either report them or quit then. I was floored by what she said I had to walk out because I couldn’t take anymore of this and felt like she wasn’t listening to how her behavior caused me an issue at work.”
“Edit to say that I in no way don’t appreciate my wife’s effort but the only problem I have is that she didn’t tell me beforehand about wether it was okay to bring the meal over to my workplace.”
“I really preferred that she waited til I got home or we could’ve gone out later to eat. I agree that the main problem I have is my co workers but I lashed out because I felt overwhelmed with their hurtful remarks that offended my wife as well.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
“YTA. Your wife is an absolute sweetheart. Your colleagues are bullying you, and bullying your wife in return isn’t going to fix anything.” ~ BookkeeperHefty2143
“My first thought was OP sounds like a pre-teen embarrassed by their mom. He needs to grow the fuck up. OP, YTA, and I hope your wife never does anything thoughtful for you ever again, because you obviously don’t deserve it.” ~ lenny_ray
“If someone made fun of me for my partner bringing me a home cooked hot lunch, I’d just throw it back at them. ‘I’m sorry my wife loves me so much and does nice things for me. Don’t take out your loneliness and bitterness on me, no lunch.'” ~ chaos_almighty
“His coworkers razed him about it because it was an obvious sore spot. He said he was disappointed when he realized her surprise was the meal. His coworkers noticed that and teased him about it. And then, like a jackass, he took it all out on the one person who was nice to him!” ~ thistleandpeony
“This was my take on it as well. If OP had just been a normal person and been thankful for the food, and treated it as a normal human interaction (because… it is) the other guys wouldn’t have picked up anything to make fun of OP for.”
“Instead he was embarrassed from the get go and basically treated his wife like his mom, acting like she was embarrassing him in front of his new friends.” ~ Grabbsy2
OP’s wife was trying to do something nice for him.
“Also, some of the things the ‘coworkers’ said were so ridiculous, like the comment about mommy changing his diaper, that I almost think OP exaggerated the comments that were said to try to make himself look better.”
“Also, this is in the south? It seems weird to me that a spouse bringing their partner lunch would be an issue anywhere, but it seems especially odd in the south where older traditions (women prep the meals, support the working husband, etc.) tend to hang around longer.” ~ Laurifish
“Exactly. The only reason his coworkers are teasing him this hard is cause he is obviously butthurt about it. If it wasn’t this it would be something else, has nothing to do with the wife at all, and everything to do with OP’s oversensitivity. YTA” ~ CommonScold
“Exactly. My colleagues once overheard me saying ‘love you’ at the end of a call to my husband and started taking the mickey – ‘OooooOOOoo’ etc.”
“I just looked at them and asked why they don’t tell their wives that they love them and they went quiet. OP is letting them get to him, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t take much to shut down and if it did that’s what HR is for…” ~ mynameismilton
“YTA. Your wife isn’t the problem, it’s your a**hole coworkers.”
“You took out your anger on an innocent bystander instead of dealing with the actual problem.” ~ PonkingtonHeights
“YTA. Your wife did a nice thing for you and you threw it back in her face.”
“For no better reason than a batch of juvenile ingrates at work no less! How is the opinion of a few guys you only just met more important to you than your own WIFE?!” ~ cjennmom
“YTA. I’ve been an aircraft maintainer for years and we give each other sh*t every day. If they harp on something you feel is too much either say so or just own it.
“‘Yeah, my mom is an awesome cook, better than yours even’. Make the joke a joke.”
“They see it’s getting to you and it’s why they keep doing it. Toughen that skin up, dish sh*t back and appreciate the hell out of your wife.” ~ DarthOzarooskee
“YTA. I’m not friends with my colleagues outside of work, but everyone’s the type to genuinely react as ‘lucky you’ or ‘how nice’ if someone got a homemade lunch.”
“Your colleagues are bullies, document the events, get some witnesses, and report them to HR. You said your wife ‘Ruined whatever prestige and respect you had with them.”
“Let’s be real OP she can’t ruin what was never there in the first place.”
“Grow up, and stand up for yourself, this isn’t high school, and for god’s sake make it up to your wife before you lose the only person in your corner.” ~ Rare-Palpitation-180
“So you say it’s unprofessional to drop off a lunch at work but it’s not unprofessional to berate and bully the new coworker?”
“Have a conversation asking her not to do that if you must or vent about your AH coworkers to her which is clearly the issue but to blow up on her instead is terrible. YTA.” ~ but_shes_so_nice_
“YTA – You’re in something that’s called a hostile work environment and your coworkers are bullies. Neither of those things are your wife’s fault, our yours for that matter.”
“However your reaction is. They attacked you and you in turn attacked what was in front of your face, aka your wife.”
“You owe her an apology, the two if you need to communicate your boundaries a bit better, and you need to decide what you want to do about this job before it costs you your wife.” ~ Runaway_Angel
“Everybody already said it but I’m gonna chime in too, YTA.”
“Your wife was trying to do something nice and you blew up on her because you’re a coward too afraid to stand up to a couple of douchebags.”
“I hope her next husband appreciates all her efforts.” ~ Funknoodlz
“YTA. And honestly since you’re so worried about these guys opinion about you, now they KNOW you won’t talk sh*t back or defend yourself, and will continue to talk sh*t as long as you work there.”
“Hopefully you still have a wife if you end up leaving that job. And if you do, I guarantee your sweet a** wife will still be there, cuz she seems like a ride or die woman.”
“Don’t take that for granted bro cuz ur Co workers don’t give a flying f’k about you or your family.” ~ beesonredd
“YTA. You’re in your 30’s and still care about what others have to say? Especially letting them make fun of you, and your wife??”
“Grow tf up. Your wife wanted to do something nice for you and you blew up on her for it?
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she stops doing stuff for you since it isn’t appreciated.” ~ Ok-Bit-9529
“Yup, you’re the TA . Grow a pair OP.”
“The one person who sees you as more than the spineless coward that you are went to great lengths to try and please you. In return , you berate and belittle her.”
“What kind of a little boy are you? Worried more about what an a** may say about and to you than taking delight in a pure act of love on the part of your wife.”
“You better hope that she can somehow forgive you for your immaturity or you may lose her.” ~ Bobzilla41
“YTA. To be entirely honest, you don’t deserve her. Your edit just makes it worse.”
“Your wife literally did nothing wrong, and you seem determined to make it her fault—I’m guessing because if it’s not her fault, you actually have to face your own behaviour and how sh*tty it was.”
“Stop blaming your wife for literally being the only person in this whole situation who was nothing but nice. She is the only person here who did nothing wrong.” ~ lordmwahaha
When the entire subReddit says YTA, you might be an a**hole.
Or you may be working with a bunch of them.
OP should figure out why it bothered him that much and why he cares more about coworkers than his wife.