Living with someone else can be a challenging prospect.
So what happens when the habits of the person you share your home with start impeding your use of major necessities?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) december2018 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for forcing my husband off the toilet?”
OP got right to the problem at hand.
“My husband (40 Male) and I (37 Female) live in an apartment with only one bathroom.”
“In the morning, he spends upwards of 40 minutes going to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, answering emails, scrolling social media, and also, of course, actually using the bathroom.”
“To be very, very clear, he does not have any IG issues that require that amount of time on the toilet. It is purely a ‘me time’ thing.”
“The issue is that I, too, need to use the toilet in the morning.”
“We have virtually the same diet, so it should come as no surprise that I generally have to use the bathroom at around the same time he does.”
“Nearly every morning, I have to text my husband to ask if he’s almost done, which is frankly annoying and embarrassing.”
“I know everyone poops, but I don’t love having to broadcast it and beg to use the bathroom nearly every day.”
“My issue is that he doesn’t need to be sitting there for 40 minutes, and he’s creating this annoying and embarrassing problem.”
“I’ve asked him directly about it; he says that he’s usually done within a few minutes, but he likes having some time to himself.”
OP offered alternatives.
“I don’t understand why he can’t have alone time virtually anywhere else besides the one spot in our apartment that can’t be shared and is essential.”
“I’ve told him that I’ll leave him alone. Can he please do that somewhere else he says it’s not the same.”
“I recently asked him if he could limit his time on the toilet to 10 minutes.”
“I said it’s embarrassing to really need to go to the bathroom and have to beg him to hurry up or have to use a public bathroom nearby our home.”
“He said I was being an a**hole for trying to control his bathroom time.”
“But I think he’s being an a**hole for picking the ONE PLACE in our apartment that’s very necessary to have alone, quality time.”
She was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some were just as confused as OP.
“NTA, this is absurd behavior, and I don’t understand why it’s such a common thing for dudes to do.”
“What is so g*dd*mn appealing about sitting on the toilet of all places in the house?”
“His desire to use the sh*tter as some kind of lounge does not trump your need to actually sh*t, and the bizarre that that isn’t obvious to him.” ~ Outrageously_Penguin
Some had ideas for alternatives.
“NTA – “
“Time to start going to bed earlier than him and start waking up before him and lock him out of the bathroom for an hour.”
“Do your thing, take a long shower, and leave him a bucket covered with a plastic bag outside the bathroom door.”
“Do this consistently for a week, and maybe he’ll start to compromise and pull his head out of the bucket he’ll be filling.” ~ EconomyFalcon1170
“I understand the mentality, but it just does not survive even the tiniest bit of good-faith interrogation when you live in a ONE-BEDROOM APARTMENT. It’s honestly cruel.”
“I know it’s utterly unromantic and kind of embarrassing (until you’ve been married for a decade and have no secrets), but sometimes you have to coordinate poops.”
“My husband is a slow pooper (I would say it’s probably a 50/50 mix of actual GI issues + Reddit use) – we don’t have one bathroom, but we do have a toddler who requires 100% eyes-on supervision.”
“We are both morning poopers, and we check in and make sure the other person isn’t in dire need before we head to the poop throne.”
“What this guy is doing really, really sucks.”
‘”I need me time’ is not a reasonable response to ‘I have to poop, and you’re hogging the only toilet for almost an hour every single morning.”‘ ~ nachtkaese
“I suspect that if she kept track of what time he woke up and then set an alarm 10 minutes earlier and then locked up the bathroom for an hour a couple of times.”
“It might get through better than talking at this point. But he’s a jerk for not caring how his actions impact others” ~ asecretnarwhal
“NTA, but I think you need a solution that works for both of you.”
“Or get up before him, and spend 40 minutes in the bathroom.”
Or install a second bathroom. Or move and get a 2 bed, 2 bath place.”
“Or use the sink. And, I am laughing saying this because it’s true, but The more disgusting you are, the quicker this will get solved.” ~ DuchessofWinward
Commenters tried to see where the Husband was coming from.
“Not justifying the behavior, but the mentality mostly comes from the idea that when you’re in the bathroom people aren’t supposed to barge in on you so it is a mostly guaranteed private space without anyone bothering you.”
“If you sit on the couch looking at social media someone could walk up and start talking to you, but if you’re in the bathroom then it’s more likely going to be completely uninterrupted you-time.”
“That being said, someone can just as easily get that time to themselves to do whatever they want if they just vocalize that desire and ask for some time to focus on their own devices.”
“(literal or figurative)” ~ Translusas
While others thought he was up to no good.
“My assumption is he’s doing something he doesn’t want her to know about.”
“Cheating? Watching porn?”
“Is secretly obsessed with My Little Ponies and needs to watch some daily? Who knows, but I’d bet it’s something.” ~ Tygerlyli
“This is controlling, bordering on abusive, behavior. He’s worse than an ah — though I find it amusing that’s what we’re addressing — but the term would get me booted.”
“He’s also setting himself up for a number of health problems.”
“Everyone cites hemorrhoids, and while most are annoying but benign, some can be serious.”
“One of my brothers developed a severe hemorrhoid that affected one of his anal sphincters causing him to leak.”
“Not much, but it was embarrassing. He had to have specialty surgery in hopes of preserving the sphincter. It did. Don’t ignore those things.”
“Here’s an idea: Get a potty chair and one of those folding room dividers.”
“Set them up in his office space.”
“Tell him he can sit there, or you can set it up in a closet. You promise he won’t be bothered. But he cannot be tying up the bathroom like he’s doing.” ~ Intermountain-Gal
And there were plenty of personal stories.
“Friend’s husband was the same way and inflexible about his time.”
“(Fortunately they had multiple bathrooms) Turns out his side piece was a night shifter with a husband and family of her own and would be commuting home.”
“It was the only time that they could reliably talk to one another without getting caught” ~ photogypsy
“My dad had not only the standard magazine bin in his bathroom but a literal full-sized backgammon case.”
“We’d hear him in there, rolling the dice around from the little cups… just playing backgammon alone while perched on the throne.”
“I totally forgot about that memory.” ~ DisplacedDryad
“NTA, but you’re way too nice.”
“My fiancée does the same, and I don’t allow him to block the bathroom for this long.”
“We share the bathroom space in three: he, me, and our cat, whose litter box is placed there, under the sink.”
“So, if fiancée is taking too long with closed doors, not only I will start calling him, knocking on the door, and also calling him on the phone (this way, he can’t use his phone for social media);”
“The cat starts meowing and jumping towards the door 🤪 your husband needs to understand he’s being an AH by acting like that.”
“Make it clear you won’t accept that.” ~ berrecah
OP did return to offer some clarity on the living situation.
“My husband and I own the apartment, so moving isn’t an easy option.”
“HOWEVER, the apartment has two bedrooms PLUS an office space that’s exclusively his, so there’s lots of alternative areas besides the toilet that he could use (and does use!) to have privacy.”
“Also, he works from home, and his hours are shorter than mine, so he does already have alone time to begin with.”
Living with someone else can be a challenging prospect.
Sometimes it’s about conflicting personalities, and other times, habits that rub each other the wrong way.
Whatever the issue, it’s always important to remember that sharing space means just that – sharing.
Afterall, every king and queen need their throne… even if it’s porcelain.