Platonic relationships between sexually compatible people are possible.
But for some reason, when the friends are a heterosexual man and woman, many people insist the friendship must be based on sexual attraction and any romantic partners should be prepared for infidelity.
All this cultural stereotype nonsense leads to a lot of unnecessary jealousy and drama. A woman who's been friends with a man since they were both in high school is dealing with the fallout of his fiancée's distrust.
So she turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Grand_Sell1199 asked:
"AITA for not getting upset or convince the bride after I was uninvited to my friend's wedding?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"One of my good friends, Matthew (26, male) is getting married next month to Jennifer (26, female). I (25, female) have known Matthew since high school."
"We've both connected when it came to video games, especially Minecraft. Matthew has had his fair share of girlfriends over the years, but when he met Jennifer 3 years ago, he said that he knew she was the one and they are madly in love with each other and I am so happy for them both.
"Last year, Matthew popped the question to Jennifer and she said yes. Jennifer's demeanor towards me drastically changed after the engagement."
"She was distant towards me, she wouldn't look at me and she would hardly speak to me which was weird since Jennifer was always so sweet and nice towards me. I'd still talk to Matthew and meet with him and our group of friends, sometimes with Jennifer and she would still act cold and not speak to me much."
"I kept my distance from Jennifer."
"Three months ago, we all received a save the date invitation. Their wedding is going to take place at Matthew's cabin 2 hours away and they were going to keep it small due to the size of the cabin, so we were only allowed to bring one guest."
"That was when Jennifer acted extremely harsh and hostile towards me and said 'bet you don't have a plus one since you are so into my man'. I was taken aback."
"I asked her what the f*ck she was talking about, and she smirked and said I knew and to not act stupid. I ignored her remark and told her my boyfriend was coming."
"She looked surprised and left. I, of course, told Matthew about what Jennifer said to me, and he was not happy, so he made her apologize to me."
"Then, last weekend, I was invited by Matthew's sister to go dress shopping with her and Jennifer. I declined at first because I wanted to keep my distance from Jennifer, but Matthew's sister assured me that she will deal with Jennifer and that our other friends will be there with us."
"Jennifer already bought her wedding dress a while ago. When I went dress shopping with Matthew's sister, she invited Jennifer as a way to resolve this animosity she had towards me."
"So we go dress shopping, and I found a beautiful dress that I thought would be perfect, and I took a picture to send to my boyfriend since he planned on matching (like with a bow tie) with me. I tried the dress on, and it was a perfect fit, so I guess I got lucky."
"Jennifer was angry, called me names such as a wh*re, a boyfriend stealing b*tch, and that I was officially uninvited to the wedding. She caused such a commotion the employee of the store asked us to leave."
"So it was Matthew's sister who wanted to buy a dress and I found a dress that I loved."
"Then Jennifer went crazy."
"We were all just looking at dresses and talking. When I found the blue dress I really liked and tried it on, Matthew's sister complimented me and said I looked amazing in it. Jennifer overheard it and flipped the f*ck out, and that was when she started name-calling me."
"The dress was blue! I talked to my boyfriend about what happened and he said that he will support me either way. So far both of us decided we will not go. Wedding will be on May 11th. We've decided to just go on vacation that weekend and my boyfriend is already looking for tickets."
"We were all shocked. Matthew's sister of course got angry with Jennifer and told her to apologize but she screamed and said 'over my dead body!'
"Some of my friends who went shopping with us told Jennifer to calm down and that it wasn't like I picked out the same dress as her. They did comfort me and said they've never seen Jennifer like this."
"I talked to my boyfriend about what happened and he said that he will support me either way. So far both of us decided we will not go. We've decided to just go on vacation that weekend and my boyfriend is already looking for tickets."
"I told Jennifer I didn't want to come to the wedding anyway, but I was going to because MY FRIEND was getting married. I told her if she didn't want me at the wedding, fine."
"I don't give a f*ck since I won't go to a wedding if the bride is going to be so rude to a guest.ľcome to the wedding. I told them I was happy to get uninvited and I'll just spend the day with my boyfriend on the day of the wedding instead."
"They're all mad at me for not fighting hard enough."
"AITA?"
The OP summed up their situation.
"I feel like I am the a**hole since it's my good friend's wedding that I'll be missing out over an adversarial relationship with the bride."
"I think I should be there for my friend, but I don't want to feel disrespected or unwelcome because Jennifer hates me and I can't understand why."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA this is wild. You're the one being made uncomfortable after Jennifer started displaying this two-faced behavior (since she was nice before), and you're somehow to blame?"
"And about 'not fighting hard enough'; part of adulthood is learning which battles are worth fighting. Kudos to you for not wasting your time and energy on this one." ~ ařuthor124
"I guarantee there's a piece of information you (or we) are missing. She was fine with you until around the time of the engagement, then things went ssideways."
"Somebody said something to her, and I suspect it was your friend. That he's begging you to show up at the wedding when his fiancee is adamantly against it is really telling."
"Whatever. Don't go as she'll make a huge scene. There's no way that marriage will last. NTA." ~ NGDGUnpunished
"NTA. Why are they angry at you for not 'fighting hard enough' instead of her for creating this situation in the first place‽‽" ~ Individual_Plan_5593
"NTA. There's something fishy here. Unless she's just batsh*t crazy, someone must have told her something, or she must have misinterpreted something."
"Anyways, it's her wedding. If she doesn't want you there, it's not your job to beg her. Your friend should be able to deal with his soon-to-be wife on his own." ~ KTaeH
The OP provided an update.
"I met up with Matthew and brought my boyfriend along. Of course, he begged me to come to the wedding and he said he would beg Jennifer to let me attend."
"I told him it's best if I wasn't there. I told Matthew that Jennifer has a problem with me. Period."
"He said he doesn't understand and he did ask her many times, but Jennifer would continue to say she was just 'stressed'. I got angry and said that's bullsh*t and he knows that."
"My boyfriend also intervened and said to Matthew that he needs to wake up and realize Jennifer is crazy and he can't keep defending her. Matthew said he loves her too much and doesn't want to lose her."
"My boyfriend and I got up and told Matthew to let us know when he has a backbone. In the meantime, it's best we don't talk."
"I messaged all of our friends in the group to let them know I'm keeping a distance from Matthew because of Jennifer. He's still my friend but at arm's length.
"I will still be sending him a gift regardless, but I'm keeping my distance from Matthew."
"It seems like he is in denial and can't comprehend what's going on at all. He usually is in denial, ever since high school he would have a sense of denial."
"Another thing to mention is that Jennifer is nice to all of Matthew's female friends. Just not with me."
"I've also gotten a message from two of our friends saying they have dropped out of attending the wedding because of Jennifer and that they are on my side."
It's unfortunate that a wedding ended at least one friendship.
Maybe time and some space will help.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.