Redditor Suspicious After Husband Comes Home From Work Trip Covered In Hickeys

There are some situations you just can't lie your way out of.

But that won't stop cheaters and chronic liars from trying, side-eyed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor LRod0884 had already suspected their partner of cheating in the past but didn't have "enough evidence" to confirm that was, in fact, what was happening.

But when their husband inexplicably "missed" his flight home from a work trip and then showed up with a series of marks that looked like hickeys, the Original Poster (OP) was more convinced than ever and wondered if there was any chance of saving their marriage.

They asked the sub:

"Am I crazy for thinking my husband, who came home from a work trip with hickeys on his body, cheated on me?"

The OP's husband came home with suspicious bruises from a work trip.

"I really need an outside perspective, because at this point, I don’t know if I’m letting my past affect how I’m seeing this, or if I’m being made to question something that seems pretty obvious to me."

"My husband recently went away for a work trip. On his way home, he got stuck at the airport and ended up having an unexpected overnight layover."

"I had driven about two hours (one way) to pick him up, only to find out he wasn’t going to make it home that night. He barely communicated with me and didn’t even contact me that night."

"I ended up having to make the two-hour drive again the next day to get him."

"When he finally came home, I noticed marks on his chest and shoulders when he went to go and shower."

"For context, we’re not talking about one questionable little bruise. There are probably around seven separate marks. They’re not on his neck. They’re around his chest and shoulder joint/upper shoulder area."

"I know what older versus fresh bruising looks like, and these look new to me. The best way I can describe their appearance is almost like the round bruises you might get from being hit with paintballs. To me, they look like hickeys, just in places that would normally be covered by a shirt."

"He completely denies that they’re hickeys, but he also can’t give me a reasonable explanation for what they actually ARE or how he got them."

"At one point, he tried to explain them by saying that when he drinks excessively, he sometimes wants to fight."

"I shut that explanation down because it sounded absurd to me. If anything, that comment just told me that he apparently got extremely drunk that night."

"But even if he did get into a fight, how exactly would fighting result in seven round, bruise-like marks scattered across his chest and shoulder joint? I would expect other injuries, scrapes, soreness, bruised knuckles, a black eye, etc."

"Maybe I’m wrong, which is partly why I’m posting this, but his explanation didn’t make sense to me."

To the OP, this wouldn't be the first time this happened.

"There’s also history here. When we were dating, there was another situation where I believe he was unfaithful."

"He denied that too, but I saw text messages between him and another woman that very strongly implied they had been intimate."

"I stayed, but I don’t think my trust in him ever fully recovered."

"Ever since then, I’ve struggled with trusting him and have carried a lot of stress and insecurity in our relationship."

"I’ve gained weight from stress, my sex drive has gone down significantly, and I know those things have affected our marriage. I can acknowledge the problems on my side of our relationship."

"But what is getting to me the most right now isn’t even necessarily the possibility that he cheated. It’s the denying. Part of me honestly wonders if I could forgive him and work on our marriage through counseling if he came to me and said, 'Yes, I screwed up. This is what happened. I want to fix this and figure out why I keep hurting you.'"

"Instead, he tells me I’m crazy. He says I don’t trust him. And now he’s even told me that because I keep accusing him of cheating, it makes him want to actually do what I’m accusing him of doing."

"That statement really bothered me. I’ve always said I wouldn’t be the woman who accepted this kind of treatment. I’ve been cheated on in previous relationships too, so now I’m questioning myself."

The OP felt increasingly conflicted.

"Am I carrying trauma from those relationships and his previous behavior into this situation and automatically assuming the worst?"

"Or is my distrust completely reasonable considering the circumstances?"

"I don’t want hundreds of comments that just say, 'divorce him.' I genuinely want perspective, including from people who have been on either side of infidelity and managed to repair their marriage."

"If your spouse came home from an overnight layover with around seven fresh, unexplained, round bruise/hickey-like marks across their chest and shoulders, couldn’t explain how they got there, and had a previous history of suspected infidelity, what would you think?"

"Am I overreacting? Is there a reasonable explanation for marks like this that I’m overlooking?"

"And for anyone who has rebuilt a marriage after cheating: how do you rebuild trust when you feel like the lying and denial might actually hurt more than knowing the truth?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Though the OP didn't want "just divorce him" advice, some couldn't help but tell them to just divorce him.

"I would call a divorce lawyer over driving TWO HOURS to pick him up because he couldn't be bothered to tell you he wouldn't arrive that night. And I would NOT have driven back to pick him up the next day."

"Mr. Inconsiderate can find his own way home. And YES, he is cheating." - Rose76Tyler

"OP, you know the answer here. He is obviously cheating and somehow thinks he’s smart enough to get away with it and that you’ll believe his lies."

"Document everything. He doesn’t sound like a trustworthy person. I don’t think it can be rebuilt here."

"He thinks you’re an id**t. Don’t let him be right by actually believing his foolishness." - isthaturcrocodile

"You already suspected him of cheating, but treating you like you are a mor*n is a bridge too far."

"And basically saying because she accused him it MAKES him want to cheat. What a pathetic creep." - ForLark

"Not just the hickeys, but letting her drive for two hours to pick him up without telling her about his 'layover' and barely communicating is a huge indicator also. He's an a**hole just for that alone." - SIDHE_LAMP

"NOR. He got away with it before, so why wouldn't he think he'd get away with it again? And it looks like he might."

"Girl, get your head out of your rear end. He's making a fool out of you." - Redd_on_the_hedd1213

"I know OP is asking for insight and for people not to jump on the divorce bandwagon, but like... we all know what's happening here."

"OP, you can continue to stay with a cheater if you want. That's your decision. If you want confirmation he's cheating, you're not going to get it from him. But you don't need his permission to leave."

"He literally insulted you and is refusing to communicate. What exactly are you trying to save here? You might love him, but he has no concern for you." - citrusthievingharlot

Others tried to offer a more well-rounded response, explaining that the "hickeys" could be little else.

"I’m sitting here wondering if he got in a fight with an octopus." - wackyvorlorn

"I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt and ask if he got a massage with cupping, but the other details, like being no contact all evening, make me believe he had company. Maybe he’s embarrassed about who he was with." - Georgia-Peaches81

"Unless it is that cupping perfect round bruises (which he'd tell you about having done), then you know what you know. NOR."

"Warning: He's going to make it look like he did it because you were always accusing him of it. He's going to come out with how unhappy you two have been for so long."

"He's going to imply that you not wanting sex is because of you and not because of what you have been through. Don't fall for any of it." - 3username20charactrz

"NOR, and the others seem to have the practical advice. Let me just address the 'bruises' as someone who did MMA and did a lot of bare-knuckle fighting. TL;DR: if you think they're hickeys and he's saying they're from a bar fight, he's lying."

"The most common bruises you get to the chest and shoulder from fighting (punches, kicks, elbows, or from being gripped) take time to become visible, usually 36 hours or so. They start as muscular tenderness with potentially some swelling, but they don't turn visible until the hematoma seeps from the muscles through the fat in the layers above toward the skin."

"The coloration starts as a jaundiced yellow look (which may not show up at all even at 36 hours for darker-skinned individuals) which progresses through to reds, purples, and browns over the following days."

"A hickey is caused by suction pulling on the skin, not by blunt force pushing into the fat and muscle, so it looks totally different. The suction pulls the skin in such a way that capillaries near the surface rupture, releasing mostly oxygenated blood to the surface immediately. Because of that, they show up right away, start bright red or slightly violet, and skip the jaundiced yellow phase."

"Simply put, a day after the event, you wouldn't confuse a bar fight bruise with a hickey since they look totally different at that phase."

"Even a hostile bite wouldn't be mistaken for a hickey, as that would bruise the fat and muscle and not pull the blood to the skin. A seductive bite with suction could have both, but you're not getting that in a bar fight. Similarly, while there are fight injuries that bring that bright blood to the surface right away (like falling into sharp furniture or getting hit by something like a brick), they have additional bruising that makes it very clear this is an injury, not a hickey."

"If he claims he was so drunk he can't remember if he got in a fight, you'd expect more typical fight injuries, too. Things like hematomas on the face, black eyes, fall injuries, missing teeth/mouth injuries, and bruising on his hands and arms. Even a good, sober fighter tends to get a few bruises from a bare-knuckle fight, and they don't look like hickeys; and if he was so sloshed he can't even remember what happened, I'd expect him to have some offensive or facial injuries to show for it."

"So, yeah... sorry to be the confirmer of bad news that I think you already suspected. He probably had a drunken makeout session, at least based on the 'injuries' and his story." - countvonruckus

But since the OP seemed so fixated on saving their marriage, a few entertained the idea of a doctor's appointment.

"NOR. How many days has it been since he came home? Tell him you want to take photos of them. Don’t explain why."

"See what his reaction is. And regardless, say you need photos because either he’s ill or cheating, and you need proof of both to then take to the proper professional: a medical doctor or a divorce lawyer." - Okayest_mom_3

"She doesn't want to leave him. She wants us to tell her how to ignore that this happened...also happy stories of people who stayed with cheating spouses and it turned out ok. (I don't know any, do ya'll?)" - scarlettcrush

"He was injured on a work trip. Best to document everything, right?! Gotta document for the workers' comp!" - brencoop

"Honestly, just gaslight him back and say you wanna take a picture of it to see if he has any medical concerns and what to do about them."

"Make it seem like you’re sooooo concerned and, 'Oh no, then I guess the only other explanation is something’s wrong, and if you got into a fight, you may have internal bleeding in your chest, so I want to ask Google to make sure it’s nothing serious.'"

"Pretend you’re googling 'random bruises illness' while simultaneously googling divorce lawyers. Leave him. At this point, you’re underreacting." - Prudent-Science-9225

"Sounds like a serious medical condition! Random unexplained bruising could be a symptom of a blood-clotting disorder. I think he should go to his doctor for an explanation OR he’s lying and made out with somebody." - babye12345

"Maybe he actually got blackout drunk and took himself to a physio. Those weird cup things they use leave hickey marks. Everyone loves a 1:00 AM physio." - lunchbox36

Though it was commendable that the OP wanted to try to make their marriage work, the subReddit reassured them that this was one of those cases where it wasn't a good idea.

Not only had they suspected infidelity before, but it was clear that their husband was lying about something now, whether infidelity, alcoholism, or something else, and if they didn't have trust, they certainly didn't have a solid marriage.