It’s generally not a wise decision to make any sort of suggestions regarding people’s bodies.
Even if we think we’re doing them a favor, there’s a chance they might not see it that way.
However, if they are putting their health seriously in danger, we might be obligated to step in.
Especially if it’s not only their health they are jeopardizing.
Redditor Top_Explanation_9357 began to see some worrying evidence that their pregnant fiancée was partaking in some unhealthy habits.
Despite their growing suspicion, the original poster (OP) was inclined to believe their fiancé.
Until that is, they caught her red-handed and confronted her then and there.
After getting the cold shoulder from their fiancée afterwards, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole) (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA? Vaping during pregnancy.”
The OP explained why they felt the need to confront their fiancée:
“My fiance is a little over 7 weeks pregnant, and she has been hiding the fact that she has still been vaping.”
“The first sign was an empty vape box inside of her car, but I thought nothing of it at first because she was a heavy smoker prior to her pregnancy.”
“However, the second sign was finding a vape in our bed.”
“It wasn’t there when I made the bed earlier that day, and then right there next to her, I find the vape while she was sleeping.”
“I asked her if she was still smoking it, and she laughed and said no.”
“I don’t try to pry, so I left it there, thinking she wouldn’t be intentionally (potentially) harming our unborn child.”
“Fast-forward to today. I walk past our son’s room (we have a 5-year-old), but unbeknownst to her, I see her hit the vape, and I immediately ask her what I just saw her do.”
“Now I’ll spare the conversation after that and what transpired, but am I the a**hole?”
“I’m being ignored and treated as so, for pointing out and questioning the obvious.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting their fiancée about vaping while pregnant.
Everyone agreed that the OP had a right to speak up, as it wasn’t only their fiancée’s health that was in danger from her vaping, but also their unborn child:
“NTA.”
“You’re not out of line for being concerned—this isn’t about preferences or opinions, it’s about health and safety.”
“You’re literally watching someone you love do something that could harm your unborn child.”
“That’s not controlling, that’s responsible parenting.”
“But we need to know what the conversation was.”
“It is okay to flip out but how did the conversation go?”- LMAOnadeSt4nd
“I’m going to preface this with how uncomfortable I am with policing pregnant women’s behavior, which is bad and trending towards awful.”
“But NTA, it’s not just that she’s vaping while pregnant and with a small child, but that she is probably hiding behind vaping ‘not really’ being smoking, and even worse, she is LYING.”
“I will say it might help if instead of trying to ‘catch’ her or play gotcha (not that this is what you are doing), you look at this as a serious addiction and how you can help her stop.”
“People minimize just how addictive nicotine is; people think it’s just a matter of willpower, and if you can quit, you just must be weak.”
“Nicotine is extremely addictive; it’s dismissed as being ‘merely psychological’ compared to, say, heroin.”
“But I’ve known several heroin addicts, they all said it was harder to stop smoking (this was pre-vaping) than stop heroin, even though the physical withdrawal symptoms from heroin were far worse.”
“Case in point, most of the people I knew had stopped using heroin.”
“Almost all of them were still smoking.”
“I haven’t been to an NA (or for that matter, AA) meeting in a long time, but back when I did—clouds of smoke.”
“And in smoke-free meetings (prolly far more common now) you could tell the entrance to a meeting based on the cluster of smokers and litter of butts.”- MarionberryPlus8474
“Nicotine is nicotine.”
“The CDC has determined that vaping is not safe during pregnancy.”
“You are NTA.”
“Your fiancé though.”- IamIrene
“NTA.”
“I had to quit vaping last year when I got pregnant.”
“It was the hardest thing I have ever done.”
“Those cravings hit so hard that I would have rather given up my arm that first week.”
“I didn’t go cold turkey.”
“As soon as I found out, I switched to nicotine patches and threw all of the vapes away.”
“My husband even stopped smoking.”
“The few hits I took while on a patch made me puke.”
“Anyway, it is definitely important that she stops.”
“But good lord, it is difficult.”- Cigarette-milk
“NTA for being upset but also need to understand nicotine isn’t something easily put down.”
“Maybe try supporting here stopping and offer resources than trying to catch her slipping .”- gayiguana
“Obviously, smoking or vaping during pregnancy is bad and not recommended.”
“But, I know two women who were heavy smokers and were actually told it would be safer if they cut it down to 1-2 smokes a day because the stress quitting nicotine does to the body could seriously harm the baby or cause a miscarriage.”
“But, OP’s wife shouldn’t have lied.”
“Lying about it implies she didn’t have a physician’s guidance in continuing to vape.”
“Plus, as a former vaper, I know that having your vape on you in the house means you’re taking in way more nicotine than smoking cigarettes because it’s close to you all day and you just absentmindedly smoke it.”
“End of the day though, NTA.”
“I get your reaction.”
“This is your child too and it makes sense this made you upset.”
“When you’ve both calmed down (warning to you though, if she’s genuinely just stopped vaping cold turkey, it’s a slim chance you’ll have a calm conversation with her right now) suggest she discuss with a doctor the safest way to quit for the baby.”- Plastic-Shallot8535
“She needs to talk to her doctor about safe ways to quit.”
“It’s really hard and pregnancy makes you emotional by itself.”
“I don’t think you’re out of line.”
“NTA.”
“I would generally suggest she talk to her doctor when you guys can talk about it again under less angry circumstances.”- ZedGardner
“NTA.”
“For being concerned about her vaping while pregnant.”
“You have approached it kindly so far.”
“That being said after reading your comments and seeing you smoke weed you are TA for that.”
“Nicotine is hard on the body.”
“Vaping is so much harder to quit than cigarettes because of its accessibility, on top of that she is I’m sure feeling guilt and more stress because she’s exposing the baby to it as well.”
“It hard for her to quit knowing she’s doing it alone because you get to keep smoking what you smoke and she has to give it up.”
“Quitting is hard mentally and physically and you need to be more empathetic to her situation and figure out how to best support her.”
“This would include you quitting smoking along with her.”
“It’s not fair to her to have to be the only one giving up vices and you get to continue and nag her for it.”
“I say this as someone who is 8 months pregnant.”
“You need to meet her halfway to have any chance of actually supporting her and helping care for the unborn child.”
“Go to a doctor’s appointment with her, research support groups, and stop trying to scare her with statistics if you’re going to sit on your high horse smoking while chastising her.”
“Good luck with everything, being a good partner includes making sacrifices to help her out.”- nautikasweet
Some, however, felt that the OP could have handled things much more delicately than they did, even if they still didn’t condone their fiancée’s decision.
“ESH.”
“She shouldn’t do that while pregnant.”
“You shouldn’t be surprised that someone who was by your account a heavy smoker is still a heavy smoker while pregnant.”
“This should have been something you addressed prior to making a baby with her.”- echocardigecko
“ESH.”
“Be an adult and just talk to her, not in front of your child, and don’t pressure her or act like she’s a child.”
“‘What did it just see you do” is only setting her up to lie to you’.”
“These conversations shouldn’t be held in front of the kid, and the child isn’t going to ‘not notice the tension’ just because you say it with a smile.”
“Take the conversation to the other room or save it for when the kid is asleep.”- Sillybumblebee33
Pregnancy is not easy, and the last people any pregnant woman wants are men scrutinizing their every decision.
However, the OP was not scrutinizing their fiancée, but was instead genuinely concerned about putting herself and their baby in trouble.
However, quitting vaping and smoking is not as easy as it seems, so in order for the OP’s fiancé to do that successfully, she will need all the help and support the OP can provide.