A guy who was adopted from disturbing circumstances and deliberately kept his distance from his biological parents inadvertently made himself available.
He lost his patience when the resulting debacle pushed him over the edge.
So he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgmemt from strangers online.
There,
Redditor Severe_Knowledge_937 asked:
“AITA for telling my birth siblings to f’k off and leave me alone and I don’t care about their stupid f’king parents?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (20s, m[ale]) was adopted as an infant. Actually I was found in an alley and when my birth family didn’t come forward to claim me and nobody knew who I was I was adopted. But I was an infant at the time thankfully so no long foster care experience.”
“I was placed without anything to keep me warm, in a low-visibility area and there was no signs I was lovingly placed. It basically looked like I was thrown away like trash. I’ve seen some old newspaper clippings about it.”
“The story was told to me gradually throughout my childhood. My parents were always open about my adoption though. I never felt othered.”
“My family (parents, siblings and extended family) were my family even if I was the only non-bio kid in the family. I was loved, I was treasured even and I had a great life.”
The OP continued:
“But the circumstances surrounding my adoption meant some stuff was unclear. Medical history being the biggest thing. I never really cared. But I got engaged a few months ago and my fiancée and I want children and seeing the health stuff in my family has made me realize I have no idea if I could pass anything onto my future kids.”
“After thinking it over I did 23&Me genetic testing but I did it wrong and I also mistakenly added myself to be found. I realized quickly after my results came in but by then it was too late and two birth siblings found me.”
The OP shared his findings.
“They’re older. My birth parents had five kids before me. They all know about me and want to know me. The birth siblings started off somewhat reasonable but when I made it clear I didn’t to hear my birth parents story they flipped a switch.”
“They said how much their parents regretted giving me away and how they would’ve come forward but they didn’t want to get into trouble for abandoning me like they did. They believed I owed their parents and them the chance to get it all out there and to build a relationship.”
“I stood my ground and I blocked them but they followed me to social media and they insisted we’re family and I should be kinder to them and their parents. I was told it’s not like I’m just a half sibling and I’m ‘the baby’ who was missing.”
“They sent messages that were trying to make me feel bad for their parents, specifically their mom. And it pissed me off. After almost 3 months of dealing with them finding ways around my blocking them I told them to f’k off and leave me alone and how I don’t care about their stupid f’king parents.”
“I had to delete my account because it was just random account after random account and I couldn’t block them fast enough in their outrage over what I said. They told me their parents didn’t deserve that.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“Send them all the newspaper clippings of a baby left to die in an alley. Did you at least get medical info out of them?” – Cute-Profession9983
The OP responded.
“I didn’t get it from them, but the genetic testing I did gave me a decent picture of everything. I’m glad I didn’t ask the birth siblings for direct medical history because that would likely be used to try and bargain for what they want.”
Reddit continued to weigh in.
“Hard NTA from me, OP. You dodged a massive bullet and a volley of red flags with how unhinged those people sound.” – KittyLune
“I second sending them pix of the news articles about you being abandoned as a baby and ask them if you deserved to be left like that. That is absolutely awful. There are many safe places and ways to give up a baby…” – AcaliahWolfsong
“As a child of two parents that were both adopted themselves, the fact that you are still alive should be enough for them to move on if you don’t want a relationship. My dad didn’t really care to learn about his biological parents, and my mom did. I’ve seen both outcomes, and your personal preference is all that matters. NTA.” – FrenchTicklerOrange
“NTA Your birth ‘parents’ essentially tried to kill you, and now they are all angry at you for not releasing them from their guilt. Awful, awful people. As horrible as it was, you’re also fortunate to have nothing to do with that wretched family.”
“Congratulations on the engagement and I wish you and your real family all the best.” – elle_hell
“How does that conversation even go?”
“ ‘Sorry Mom and Dad tried to kill you, but it would be really nice if you could help them feel less guilty about that’?”
“Eff all the way off.” – Top_Wealth_9343
“It was more like we know our parents abandoned you, but there were good reasons!! You’d feel bad for them if you knew those reasons. Please hear them out. Please be their son. Please make them happy. Let’s be a family. Yay.” – OP
“They didn’t just abandon you; they left you to die out in the cold. It would be a different story had they actually surrendered you to a hospital or a fire station or a police department somewhere safe, not in an alley where it’s cold and where you could have been run over, hurt by animals, or ended up dead.”
“It doesn’t matter what their reasons were; you just don’t go around throwing your children out like garbage. They had the opportunity to surrender you somewhere safe, but they chose not to.”
“You owe them nothing. You don’t need to hear their reasons out to understand they weren’t looking out for you.”
“The next time they reach out to you telling you that their parents don’t deserve this treatment I do agree with another that commented that you should send them a newspaper clip and highlight exactly how you were found and then tell them that you didn’t deserve to be thrown out like garbage and be left out to die.”
“Inform them that if they continue to harass you, you will call the cops on them and get a restraining order so if they truly cared about yo,u then they need to back off.” – CODE_NAME_DUCKY
“Instead of deleting your account, why not post all the articles about how your biological parents abandoned you? And where did they do so? And at the end of every post, say something like ‘I’m just lucky to be alive after being abandoned in a low-visibility area by irresponsible dirtbags. Now siblings that weren’t thrown away who don’t know what it’s like to be abandoned are asking for reconciliation.’ “
“You might have to post this for a month before they get tired of the negative publicity about their dirt bag parents, and get the message.” – Stormy8888
“They didn’t just abandon you; they tried to kill you. Many adoptees who aren’t interested in contact or can’t find their birth parents can say, ‘Whatever else, she/they cared enough to give me a life they couldn’t provide.’ You don’t have that option.”
“You’re not responsible for easing the guilt of people who did their best to make sure their own infant died of exposure or dehydration or whatever other hazard happened along. They should be grateful that you’re not blowing their lives up any way you can!” – Granuaile11
“I honestly would write to them a letter, stating that you don’t care to have a relationship with ANY of them. Regardless of the tragic circumstances leading to your abandonment, it does not and will never justify leaving a baby the way they did. How they choose to leave you reflects solely on them and the type of people they are, how you do not want people such as them in your life.”
“I would also write that you are happy now. You have a great, loving family who makes you feel wanted and appreciated. That they were able to provide for you the way your birth family could never do, and that if they really want to do something for you, then they should leave you alone. To not try to ruin the life you have already established without them.” – _justherefordrama
“NTA You didn’t deserve to be abandoned like garbage as an infant. There have been Safe Haven laws for decades. You owe no one anything.” – tidymaze
Overall, Redditors fully supported the OP for not having anything to do with his biological family.
They also thought the incessant pestering by his birth siblings was grounds for having a restraining order if they continue to guilt him into meeting the biological parents who committed a heinous act by subjecting him as an infant vulnerable to the elements and other dangers.