Food allergies and intolerances absolutely need to be taken seriously, and a person who experiences these should do everything they can to keep their diet allergen-free.
But does that mean that the people around them have to do the same thing, asked the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Huge-Lawfulness-6168 was displeased that his girlfriend of three years enjoyed seafood so much because he was painfully allergic to it.
But when his girlfriend insisted that she would not give it up entirely for him, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure what to think.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my girlfriend she should give up seafood because I’m allergic to it?”
The OP wished his girlfriend would give up seafood since he was allergic to it.
“I (27 Male) am allergic to seafood (not a near-death type of allergic, but it’s a very unpleasant and painful experience when I’m exposed).”
“Unfortunately, my girlfriend (25 Female) adores it. Ever since we got together, about 3 years now, she’s made an effort to eat it as less as possible, which I appreciate.”
“However, I wish she’d completely stop, to be honest.”
The OP’s wishes recently led to an argument.
“The other day, she went out with her friends at a restaurant. When she got back home, I tried to kiss her, but she stopped me and told me she just ate seafood.”
“I got a bit disappointed because I was looking forward to spending some time together with her, and I told her as much.”
“Then I said that maybe it would be better if she’d just give up on seafood altogether.”
“I know she likes it, but sometimes it can be inconvenient to me, and I feel like she should be willing to give up on such a small thing for us.”
“She got upset by my request and said that she loves me, but that she’s sorry because she’s not giving up on eating it altogether.”
“She said that lowering the number of times she does eat it was already enough.”
The OP felt conflicted.
“Her family eats seafood often and she grew up eating a lot of it, so I kinda get why it would be hard for her to give up on it.”
“But I think that if she cared enough, she’d be willing to do it.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the girlfriend had already compromised enough, and it was the OP’s turn.
“I’m allergic to eggs and fish and seafood, and I still managed to ‘make love’ and have babies with my husband.”
“Compromise is a thing, OP. YTA, and you have your head stuck up it.” – 3rd-time-lucky
“I’m literally allergic to shellfish, and my husband loves shellfish. I haven’t had a single reaction from him eating it. It turns out hygiene and cross-contamination knowledge does the trick.” – I-am-the-trashcan
“Good hygiene will solve this in most situations and a little conscience effort.”
“I cook for someone who has lime disease and beef and pork allergies, yet I’ve easily prepared breakfast that included pork sausage and bacon along with turkey sausage.”
“I wash everything between cooks or cook the non-allergy-inducing stuff first so it’s out of the way. It’s just laziness or selfishness at that point.”
“This is coming from someone who also has violent sickness to shellfish whose son loves sushi.”
“OP, YTA by the way.” – Sanatori2050
“‘It can be an inconvenience for ‘ME’ and I feel like she should be willing to give up on such small things for ‘US.'”
“How very convenient for you, now that her completely giving up something she clearly loves, grew up with, and sacrifices most days for you, somehow benefits her as well?”
“YTA, OP, if it wasn’t comically obvious.” – Efficient_Hawk8616
“Occasionally not being able to kiss her is a huge inconvenience for him.”
“But apparently, her giving up a whole class of food that she loves permanently is not an inconvenience for her.” – Wild_Statement_3142
“The OP: ‘Now listen, my internet friends, I am a genius. I will tell the internet of how my girlfriend is causing me an inconvenience, I mean trying to kill me. I will use a throwaway account just in case the rabble turns on me.'”
“‘Insert evil laughter. When I show her the proof of the reasonableness of my request as per my internet survey, she will humbly give up a whole food group for the privilege of dating me.'”
“Plot twist: She finds your selfish post and dumps you.” – Agreeable-League-366
“I have celiac so gluten makes me extremely ill. It’s not an allergy, it’s an autoimmune disease. I don’t tell my husband he can’t eat gluten ever again.”
“When he does, if I try to kiss him, he will stop me, and go brush his teeth and wash his face off. Because he loves me and cares about my health and well-being. He can eat gluten all day every day as long as he doesn’t do it in the kitchen.”
“Your girlfriend cares about you enough to prevent you from getting sick. She doesn’t have to stop enjoying her life and things she enjoys because you have an allergy.” – lysstheb***hcalore
But others understood the OP’s concern about his allergy.
“My niece is allergic to fish and my sister can’t even fry fish in the house without the fishy oil in the air causing a skin reaction, so she no longer cooks fish in the house. Thankfully that was never the case with my fish or nut allergy as a kid.” – Raspbers
“My son had/has a nut allergy from when he was very young. Fortunately, he was very good about it and watched what he ate. He did have a few trips to the hospital when he wasn’t aware of nuts being in a recipe.”
“He didn’t even have to eat it. Just being around the smell would trigger him.”
“Food allergies should never be brushed off.” – BeadsAndReads
“I gave up all tree nuts, chocolate, coconut, eggplant, and soy for my partner of 25 years. He’s so allergic that I could eat a cashew, have lunch, snack, dinner, shower and brush my teeth but he would still have an anaphylactic reaction if I kissed him.”
“I’d rather give up my favorites and have him around.” – AirElemental_0316
“Some people have allergies so bad that smelling a portion of food or it being in the air around them will give them an allergic reaction. This is a problem in countries that serve peanuts on planes.”
“Personally, I have a severe mollusk allergy. My partner once gave me an anaphylactic reaction from his semen. No joke, it was one of the most confusing and terrifying things that has ever happened to me. I couldn’t stop vomiting on him and the surrounding furniture, and I felt deadly sick.”
“It took hours to figure out what had happened. Finally, after googling a bunch of things, I asked him if he happened to have eaten mollusk recently. He had three oysters for dinner the night before.”
“He no longer eats anything I’m allergic to. Not because I made him but because he cares more about me and our sex life than mollusks.”
“It was also a traumatic and terrifying experience for him to see me like that. I’m telling you, it was rough. We kept trying to have sex 2-3 times and I got a building reaction by the 3rd time, I was throwing up everywhere.”
“I didn’t ask him to stop eating mollusk. Also, my allergy is not to all seafood it’s specifically to mollusks. We both have high libidos and have sex daily. I think he would choose sex over mollusk any day of the week, lol (laughing out loud).”
“Once he forgot and ate something like clams, so we used a condom. He has the option of either or and it’s entirely up to him. He just prefers to not eat mollusks.”
“If he or I are traveling individually, which we both do often, he eats whatever his heart desires as we aren’t in the same place.” – crowcries
“I have a severe nut allergy, not an inconvenience but an actual life-threatening allergy. I still don’t expect my husband to give them up, just to keep them from coming into contact with me. He avoids them voluntarily to keep me safe but it’s his choice, I would never expect him to completely cut out something he enjoys for me.”
“OP, YTA, and a soon-to-be single one considering your idea of compromise is ‘do what I want.'” – Adepte
While the subReddit could understand the OP’s concerns about being exposed to his allergy, they were not convinced his method was the right choice.
Though some fellow Redditors had partners who had given up certain foods for their health, it had been of their own volition, not because someone else told them to.
That seemed to be the difference between these other couples and the OP’s relationship, which seemed to be in a questionable place.