Relationships are meant to be meaningful and fulfilling for all involved, and one important way to celebrate them is by observing anniversaries.
While anniversaries can be very simple, they can also be symbolic of important life events the couple has experienced together, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor tripjackedaita had planned a special trip for their fifth wedding anniversary, which was at the same location where they took a small honeymoon together shortly after they got together.
While this was meant to recall those special feelings from the early days of their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) got the feeling that their wife wasn’t that excited about it.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my wife that she hijacked our anniversary trip?”
The OP made special plans for their upcoming anniversary.
“My wife and I have our 5-year wedding anniversary coming up this fall.”
“To celebrate, I booked us a trip to the same place we took our minimoon after we got married. I figured it would be a nice way for us to celebrate 5-years of marriage.”
“She loved the idea when I told her and we are both looking forward to it.”
Their wife made a suggestion for how to involve her mother.
“My MIL’s birthday happens to be the week before our anniversary. My wife was telling MIL about our anniversary trip recently, and MIL started talking about how she always wanted to go there but never had a chance.
“I guess my wife suggested that the two of them go there together for MIL’s birthday. My wife told me her plan later.”
“Apparently, her idea is to leave with MIL the week of her birthday, before our scheduled anniversary trip.”
“Then, they would wait for me to arrive, MIL’s trip would overlap ours by 1-2 days, MIL would leave, and my wife and I would stay the remainder of our planned trip.”
“So, essentially my wife would be spending 7-10 days there, half with MIL and half with me.”
The OP didn’t love these plans.
“When she told me her plan, I was less than enthused.”
“I told her it felt like she was hijacking our anniversary trip and turning it into a MIL birthday gift, when I was hoping that this would be something special just for the 2 of us.”
“I told her I understand MIL wants to visit this place, but why does it have to be literally the same trip as our anniversary? Why couldn’t they just go there literally any other time?”
Their wife was surprised by the OP’s reaction.
“She said that it just makes sense for them to overlap so that we can save a little money. But since my wife offered this as a gift to MIL, we’re paying for her trip so we aren’t saving anything.”
“She also just assumed that I would be ok with taking care of our 2 kids while she and MIL were gone, and since MIL was supposed to watch our kids during our trip, now we need to find other childcare for them too.”
“I told her that this all just seems a little too complicated, and it would all be easier if we kept our anniversary trip and a mommy-daughter trip separate.”
“My wife did not take my criticism of her plan well.”
“She claimed I was being selfish for wanting to make this trip just about ‘us.’ Which, yeah it’s an anniversary trip, not a family vacation.”
“She said she wants to do something nice for MIL for her birthday and since she’s always wanted to visit this location, it just makes sense to do it all at once.”
“She claims I am being a jerk for not simply agreeing with her and that I’m being selfish since MIL would really like this.”
The couple could not reach an agreement.
“She hasn’t booked anything yet for the part of the trip with her mom, but she wants to ASAP.”
“I’ve still been trying to talk her out of it, but she just keeps digging her heels in that this is what she is going to do.”
“I really, really do not want MIL on any part of an anniversary trip, even for 1-2 days.”
“I know we wouldn’t be sharing a room or anything, but that’s not the point. I thought this was going to be a special trip for my wife and me, and she turned it into something completely different.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the wife should have listened more closely to what the OP wanted and needed.
“OP did a good job communicating what he wants/needs this vacation to be. His wife just isn’t willing to listen.” – mebetiffbeme
“OP communicated what he wanted multiple times, wife just isn’t listening.”
“It makes me sad for OP too because I’m sure the funds for wife’s trip are going to come out of their family pocket and vacations are costly.” – Sensitive-Jello9171
“Sounds like childcare is a major issue, too.”
“Apparently, MIL was going to watch the kids while they went. If MIL is gone, who takes care of their children?”
“Husband may have to cancel the anniversary portion because they don’t have anyone to take care of the kids for the overlapping days.” – redpurplegreen22
“1. She decided to make this change without consulting OP. Her intentions being noble do not change the fact that she’s TA for not consulting him first (and getting MIL all excited about a plan she didn’t know he would be on board with).”
“2. He was planning a ‘just the two of us’ trip. Think romance. Think coupley stuff. MIL being there throws cold water on a romantic mood. This is a pretty significant change in the theme of the trip.”
“And it also causes impacts the childcare (both during the trip and before since MIL was the original child care plan).”
“NTA for the OP.” – gtr187
“Wife is absolutely an AH for putting the plans in motion with her mom before talking to her husband about it, because now, no matter what, hubby looks like the AH for canceling either part of the trip.” – shopgirl2
Others thought the wife wasn’t that interested in having an anniversary trip at all.
“Sounds like you should cancel the anniversary part of the trip as obviously your wife is not as excited or interested in the anniversary part of the trip. Seriously.”
“You came up with this idea as a really nice way to revisit your honeymoon. She sees it as a vacation destination, nothing more special than that.”
“NTA.” – fascinationstreet
“This trip doesn’t live in her heart the way it does for OP. She’s using the destination to her convenience, and honestly, I can’t help but wonder if part of her agenda is to get a longer trip for herself out of it.”
“NTA.” – geishabird
“it sounds like the anniversary trip is just part of a routine for the wife. So that adding her mother is just a way to make that routine more efficient.” – Charming-Audience883
“I’d be pretty uncomfortable knowing the honeymoon anniversary plan I made turned into paying for my mil birthday trip. It’d a big difference. For DAYS. Not a day visit but hotel rooms, possibly rental or airfare.”
“Also, she’s spending the first half with MIL. So you know the second half has a lot of possibility for, ‘I’m too tired. I already did that with mom. I don’t wanna. Do it yourself.’ You can’t force your parent into your relationship stuff and think it’ll make your partner excited?” – Scared_Profit564
“I’d be more comfortable, to be honest, if the wife proposed MIL show up AFTER her husband left, by like a day, so child care was covered, AND her husband got ‘first’ of the vacation activities with her.”
“As is, it sounds like ‘but I want’ and ‘I don’t give a f**k what you want’ from his partner.” – MzTerri
“I would absolutely do this kind of thing, BUT MIL would have to be home in time for Childcare AND there would be limits on what we could do (e.g., no, we can’t do that because Husband was really really talking about it).”
“It makes sense to me, except for the diminishing of the anniversary trip. I would never do that. My mom would also pay her own way.” – MotherOfAPickle
“I don’t think he looks like an AH for canceling the anniversary trip. And I think he should cancel that part of it, because the wife doesn’t seem to be all that into it anyway, and it messes with the care for kids, etc.”
“It is kinda sad, and the wife doesn’t seem to appreciate what he did for her. She’s all about the trip with mommy though, and hubby sounds like he’s come in second.”
“If I were him, no way would I want to go on that trip after wife’s been there with MIL the week before. Nope, just takes away all the romance, and the fun out of it. He’s NTA, at all.” – PickleNotABigDill
The subReddit was appalled on the OP’s behalf, after they had created a thoughtful and romantic trip for their wife.
It was clear to the sub that the wife was valuing her mother’s birthday above her anniversary, and if that was what she was going to do, she might as well go on this trip solo.