Baby announcements can be a very nuanced situation.
People plan detailed parties to let everyone know a new human is on the way.
It’s a huge moment in every parent’s life.
That’s why when other people also announce their own huge moments near or around other people’s moments… the drama can hit the fan.
Redditor Purple_Will_3423 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for announcing my pregnancy shortly after my sister’s?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 26) am married, my husband (M[ale] 31) and I have a five-year-old boy, and we’re expecting our second baby (I’m 18 weeks now).”
“My older sister (F 31) is also married, and she’s expecting her first child (she’s about 26 weeks).”
“They had some issues getting pregnant and it took a while, our family knew this.”
“I think I was very supportive, which is why I find her reaction to my pregnancy out of place”
“Three weeks ago we had a family gathering.”
“I was going to announce that I was pregnant then, but I didn’t because I met up with my sister a few days prior and she told me about the baby and that she was planning to tell everyone in that gathering.”
“I understood that it was difficult for her since it’s something that she’s been really wanting.”
“She waited a bit longer than I did with my first baby because she was scared of having a miscarriage.”
“I totally supported her, and I didn’t tell her about my own pregnancy because I didn’t want her to think I was stealing her spotlight (which ended up happening anyway).”
“She announced her pregnancy during our gathering and everyone congratulated her, it was good.”
“Fast forward to last week, I was talking to our brother’s G[irl]F[riend]. She noticed my pregnancy, and I confirmed it.”
“Since she was planning a family gathering (they moved recently to a house with a garden, so they wanted to host a garden party) she told me that I could announce the pregnancy to our family at their party.”
“I said sure (I was planning to send a text to the family to share the news).”
“The day of the party came, my brother and his girlfriend cooked for us, it was nice.”
“Then I told everyone that I was pregnant again, and everyone, of course, congratulated me and started asking me the usual questions, how far along I was, how I was feeling, etc.”
“My sister, however, got upset. I noticed that she was looking off, so I asked her what was up (because I thought maybe she was feeling sick).”
“She said that I’m such an egocentric bit*h, that she knew I would do something like this to ‘steal her spotlight.'”
“I asked her how I could do it on purpose if I didn’t even know she was pregnant until very recently; she told me that either way, I knew she was trying, but I don’t think I should have to put my life on pause just for her.”
“We argued, she called me a lot of names, I called her names back, I admit it.”
“She then told me that I didn’t have to make such a big deal to announce my pregnancy since it’s my second baby, not my first.”
“She also said that I was jealous of the attention she got before, and that’s why I had to make this about myself so everyone would pay attention to me and not her.”
“I don’t think I did anything wrong, but I clearly hurt her, so I’m wondering if maybe I am, in fact, an a**hole, and I should’ve kept the announcement low-key.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA at 18 weeks the pregnancy was going to be announcing itself soon anyway.”
“It was unavoidable.” ~ Pristine-Rhubarb7294
“I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant with our first.”
“I was in maternity clothes at 7 weeks, thanks to the IVF hormones.”
“If anyone, who knew we were going through IVF saw me in person, they knew I was pregnant.”
“OP’s sister is being ridiculous saying OP shouldn’t have announced her pregnancy or even got pregnant because she knew her sister was trying.”
“It’s crazy to expect someone to put their family planning on hold, just in case you get pregnant.” ~ redheadedsweetie
“NTA, but your sister is being ridiculous to think you shouldn’t announce your pregnancy.”
“With my first, I was still in my denim jeans with just the top button undone into my sixth month.”
“With my second? Pfft.”
“That kid made the announcement I was pregnant by the time I was 3 months along. PoP!!” ~ ohemgee0309
“You know how there are some bridezillas who want to be the center of attention the entire year leading up to their wedding and demand that there are no other weddings in either family to move the spotlight off of the bride?”
“OP’s sister is bringing the same energy. NTA.” ~ MNVixen
“NTA. She’s 26 weeks, and you’re 18 weeks. I get her wanting to wait, but you’re already in the clear and pretty obvious soon, too.”
“HOWEVER- information required – was she like this before pregnancy?”
“Because there’s a good chance there’s some perinatal anxiety going on, and she may need help navigating through it.”
“For her sake and her baby.”
“And with a five-year age gap, you’re starting from scratch again; I reckon that’s a pretty decent gap, and, to be honest, every bub is worth celebrating.”
“It’s not like you had a full-on baby shower.”
“It was an announcement amongst friends and family.” ~ Cracker_Bites
“You shouldn’t have reacted in kind to her name-calling, but even then, NTA.”
“She’s calling YOU egocentric because she’s upset you (momentarily) took the spotlight off HER?”
“That says it all right there.”
“She should be thrilled you two are going through the experience together, your kids will be so close in age, etc.”
“But, nope, all she cares about is not being the sole center of attention.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“Congratulations, and I hope everything is smooth and healthy for all of you.” ~ Curious_Vixen_Here
“Reading through twice, it seems like she isn’t made about the announcement but that… OP got pregnant at all?”
“Like, she didn’t think OP should be trying while she was?!”
“Obviously NTA.”
“And she has had a month being the ‘only’ pregnant one in the family.”
“It is what it is.” ~ SierraSeaWitch
“Was she expecting you to keep your pregnancy hidden for months, go no-contact with your family until the baby is born, and then give birth in a dark corner all by yourself?”
“On a related note, was she also expecting you to keep your newborn hidden for months because your baby could steal the thunder of her baby?”
“At what point would you be allowed to introduce your baby to the family?”
“The more good news, the merrier it is.”
“I will never understand this stupid idea of the ‘do not announce anything and steal my thunder’ thing. NTA.” ~ Snnbe
“NTA. The only thing I’d say you could have done differently is to give her a heads up before announcing at the party but even still you’re not wrong.” ~ Rude-You7763
“I agree that maybe you should have given her a heads-up, but even then, her feelings aren’t your fault.”
“Look, it isn’t fair that your sister is acting this way, sure.”
“She’s likely excited as a first-time mother to be, she’s worried and wants her family’s support and attention — undivided.”
“She feels the way she feels, eh?”
“She thought she’d be in the spotlight for being pregnant after having difficulties getting pregnant.”
“She took it out on you unfairly.”
“But I’m sure you can understand how she thought she’d be the focus for a while, only to have to share it.”
“Yeah, that’s childish of her, but you unintentionally(!) surprised her with this, and she reacted childishly at the moment.”
“Surely the two of you can work it out, right?”
“You’re NTA.”
“Assuming she’s a good sister otherwise, just let her calm down and try to talk it out with her.”
“Her emotions got too big for her, she lashed out, and when you lashed right back, it went farther than it should have done.”
“If her jealousy becomes more than just a temporary outburst and goes on for longer, then that isn’t on you.”
“It’s just a coincidence, not an intentional act since you didn’t even know she was pregnant while pregnant yourself.” ~ shannon_dey
“NTA. Does your sister also expect you to hide your bump for the next 9 months so as not to steal her thunder?”
“I get that she’s very excited to be pregnant and that it didn’t come easily, but she needs to get a grip now.” ~ Outrageous-Victory18
“NTA, how you could possibly be TA is beyond me.”
“Sister announced her pregnancy three weeks ago in front of everyone.”
“It was tough for them etc etc, but she had her moment in the spotlight.”
“You didn’t go seeking out to announce your second in front of everyone, the host noticed and asked you outright, to which you confirmed and they found you to announce it at the more recent gathering.”
“Cool no issues here.”
“Then when you do, everyone is cool, bar your sister throwing a paddy.”
“Trying to steal her thunder?”
“What, is nobody else in the family allowed to get pregnant until she’s given birth or something?”
“Even then, is there a period with the newborn where nobody is allowed to get pregnant?”
“You know what I mean, your sister is being ridiculous to think she’s the only one allowed to be pregnant in perpetuity.” ~ ZookeepergameNo7151
“NTA, you delayed telling you’re own news so that she could have the attention to herself, and her implying that your second child should be celebrated less is nonsensical and a**hole territory.” ~ RevolutionaryMap5412
OP came back to say thanks…
“Thank you for all the well wishes! 🫂”
“I’ll try to reply to all the comments, but in case I can’t, I just wanted to thank you!”
Reddit is here for you, OP.
You had every right to announce your pregnancy.
Clearly, you’re starting to show.
What else were you going to do?
Your sister seems to have some sensitivity issues with all of this.
That is unfortunate, but it is also HER problem to work out.