Pulling pranks on partners and testing a partner’s “worth” and “loyalty” is becoming increasingly common and problematic, thanks to TikTok and YouTube.
But these trends are also changing how people think about relationships and how they treat their partners, and it’s not for the better, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
The Redditor, who has since deleted her account, served lunch to her boyfriend every work day, since his job was close by. At a recent lunch, her boyfriend kept demanding she leave the table to get him another drink.
When she eventually refused, and he called her a “lazy girl,” the Original Poster (OP) pointed out that he expected her to treat him like a baby, which she did not deserve.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to give my boyfriend a ‘baby’ treatment?”
The OP’s boyfriend kept making demands during their lunch together.
“My boyfriend stays in my house every day during his lunch break since his office is nearby.”
“So we were both having our meals and eating lunch when he asked me to grab him a glass of water from the kitchen.”
“I still gave him one, though I had already served him and made everything ready except this water.”
“We live in an Asian household; that’s why we did not have a pitcher, and the water comes straight from the mineral dispenser instead. And obviously, you would have to stand up to go where the dispenser is.”
“He asked me again for water despite me obviously trying to put food in my mouth from my spoon and EAT.”
“I gave him a second glass and a third glass of water.”
But when he asked for a fourth cup of water, enough was enough.
“I couldn’t even take anything from my spoon because of his consistent demand about water. I kept on standing up from the dining table to the dispenser area.”
“For the fourth time he asked, I refused, saying, ‘Can’t you see that I’m trying to swallow my food and eat in peace? You can get yourself water if you want; I had already kept standing around here. we can just drink water once the meal is actually done.”
“He said I’m such a ‘lazy girl’ for refusing to give him water.”
The OP called her boyfriend out on his behavior.
“I said he’s not a baby and I’m not supposed to be treating him like one, he can go stand up where the dispenser is if need be, since he couldn’t even let me finish my food.”
“I said he’s not at all brand new here, so why is he acting brand new? I mean, he clearly knows where my kitchen is and where the dispenser is, so he can take anything from the dish cabinet if he must. Why is he acting like he does not know how to stand up and serve himself?”
“I said he’s 25 and not a f**king baby who’s very dependent and needs spoonfeeding.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the boyfriend was obviously trying to test the OP’s “obedience.”
“It’s called an obedience test. He’s checking to see if you’ll obey without question, even at your own detriment. It means you’ll stay when he starts the emotional abuse, you’ll stay when the financial abuse starts, and you’ll be obedient and stay when the physical abuse starts.”
“He expects you to let him come over, feed him, and calls you names when you don’t snap to obey. Don’t care how good the d**k is, nothing is worth that.” – Sugar_Mama76
“NTA. He is obviously testing how much you’ll tolerate.”
“It’s a shame it took four asks. Shut it down now. ‘Lazy girl’ is so condescending, and if you not getting up a fourth time is lazy, what does it make him that he never got up once?” – Live_Pressure_5432
“I’m sorry, but could you please explain to me why it took him asking for you to wait on him for the fourth time before you stopped? He is showing you who he is; please believe him.” – Sudden-Remote-169
“He’s just testing her submission with ridiculous and inconvenient requests. Seeing how much she jumps when he snaps his lazy little entitled patriarchal fingers.”
“OP, get out! You don’t want a child to take care of before even having babies.” – robottestsaretoohard
“Far too often, men expect to be served their dinner. The wife makes their plate and puts it on the table. She then takes care of the children, and only when everyone is cared for, then she may eat.”
“This is socialized as ‘normal.’ My mom would cook a full meal, and if anyone glanced around for something, she would leap up and, ‘I got it; I got it!’ Mom, I know where the salad dressing is. Or butter. Or a refill on my drink.”
“But she had been socialized from childhood that the males and then the other younger children were more important than herself. It took my dad a long time to be able to get salt for himself.”
“Girls are socialized from infancy to be nice and not make waves (think of the old nursery rhyme: girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice) and be whatever a man wants. I was told many times by my grandmother that no man wants a smart-mouthed wife.”
“In short, be submissive and obedient to get a man. Any man, because we all know a woman is nothing without one.”
“For the record, I am still sassy as f**k. And I don’t have just any man, I have an amazing one that loves and supports my intelligence and sassy-ness.” – Sugar_Mama76
“Honey, I don’t care if you’re Asian; it’s 2025; find a man who appreciates you and won’t treat you or test you like this. Women should not be treated as servants.”
“I can’t imagine settling down with someone to basically become a slave. I’d rather be on my own.”
“You cooked a nice meal and gave it to him on a plate. You gave him his first drink to go with his meal… Absolutely fine, babe… But after the second drink request, I’m sat down… I’d be reminding him he has legs! Also how big are these cups of water?!”
“I’m so glad you said boyfriend. They’re easier to change than a husband!” – Lopsided-Might1530
Others were disgusted by the boyfriend calling the OP a “lazy girl.”
“Being called a lazy girl by the lazy boy who is looking for the ‘bang maid/mommy’ treatment instead of an actual adult partner might throw me over the edge. Next week, he is going to have her clipping his toenails.” – Puzzleheaded-Gas1710
“NTA. I would have said, ‘What the f**k? You are the lazy boy. You are the one who is thirsty and too lazy to get their own drink.'”
“‘If I am thirsty, I will get my own drink. I am not your servant. I am my own autonomous creature.'” – OiMouseboy
“He was testing you. He managed to get you to fetch him 4 glasses of water before you could eat a complete bite of your food.”
“After fetching him four glasses of water, he calls YOU lazy. This behavior and his opinion of you isn’t going to ever change.” – PrpleSparklyUnicrn13
“You were trying to eat during a lunch break at your house, and he doesn’t care whether you eat or not, and you are somehow a lazy girl for not jumping up the fourth time to get him water. Why on earth do you put up with such abusive treatment? You need to walk away from that AH.” – veryjudgely
“It felt to me like it was one of those ‘tests’ that have been going around lately, where essentially the task is for men to ask a woman (or more specifically, the woman that they’re with romantically) to perform something subservient but in a way that it’s almost outlandish, all in an effort to test whether or not she’s a ‘good girl.'”
“I may have explained that badly, but it’s becoming a sort of trend in certain circles that have specific ideas on a woman’s worth being tied to how submissive she is. I doubt that OP’s bf truly needed four consecutive glasses of water during a single meal; the point was whether or not OP would get him the water regardless.”
“And she may have done so the first time, the second time, and the third time, but the people who do these sorts of things would agree that she ultimately failed because of her pushback at the fourth water.”
“Because there is no real ‘passing’ when it comes to these things; the point is to progressively escalate the asks until she inevitably refuses if she has any sort of spine whatsoever, all so she can finally be deemed a lesser woman.”
“OP says her boyfriend is 25, so it’s likely he’s come across this sort of content before and decided to put her to the test, and if that’s the case then i say ew, OP needs to shut that s**t down immediately and not let it fester, before she finds herself putting up with things that she previously would not have.” – DahliaDarling14
Though the subReddit was frustrated that it took four glasses of water for the OP to get the point and to stand up for herself, they were otherwise glad to see her speak up for herself and not take anymore criticism from her boyfriend.
Either her boyfriend needed to learn to respect her and not make demands like this anymore, or he needed to find somewhere else to get lunch each day.