Changing diapers can almost be as bad as changing kitty litter.
People have been known to vomit on cue for both, or at the very least, experience a violent dry heave.
But parents have no other choice.
The diaper has to be changed.
But not everybody feels it needs to be a community effort.
Redditor Late4AnAppointment wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to change someone’s baby’s diaper?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I have been married 10+ years and have a few kids.”
“S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] and her husband had a baby 2 years ago.”
“No major complaints – they just tend to ask for people to do stuff that I would think they’d do themselves.”
“They’ll come over to our house (they live an hour away) and ask beforehand if we have their kid’s favorite crackers on hand.”
“Why don’t they just pack the crackers?”
“I don’t know (they are well off, and money is not an issue).”
“If one of them leaves the room, they’ll ask one of us (my wife or kids) to be ‘in charge’ of the baby – even if the other parent is right there, just scrolling on their phone or something.”
“But whenever I say something to my wife, she says I’m being too much.”
“The other day, we were having dinner at M[other]-I[n]-L[aw]’s house when the baby had a poopy diaper.”
“SIL looks at me and says in the sweetest voice, ‘Uncle (my name), can you change the diaper?'”
“She frequently does this when we’re there but this was the first time I was asked.”
“I answered politely, ‘No, I’m sorry, I don’t do that.'”
“‘You… don’t do diapers??'”
“‘No, I don’t do other people’s kid’s diapers if their mom or dad is around. I mean, if I’m babysitting, sure thing, but yeah – if the parents are around – I just feel like it’s their job.'”
“SIL looks like she’s ready to cry ‘Well… I feel selfish.'”
“I smiled to try and set her at ease, ‘Not trying to make you feel anyway, just telling you a boundary is all.'”
“The table got really awkward as she got up and did the diaper.”
“Afterwards my wife blamed me for making SIL feel bad and said I could’ve just changed the diaper.”
“Not trying to make anyone feel bad – but I’ve had three kids, and I always took responsibility -I watched them, packed for them, and changed them.”
“I’m not looking to be a secondary parent for this kid.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“NTA. Your SIL only felt bad because the obvious was pointed out to her.”
“You said no when she asked you, then she pressed you further, trying to either guilt you into changing the diaper or make you look bad because you didn’t want to change a poopy diaper.” ~ starry_nite99
“In the middle of dinner even! NTA.”
“I quit doing things with people like this who tried to get me to change diapers when parents were right there.”
“It’s their responsibility.”
‘One former friend wanted to start dropping her baby off with us FOR THE DAY on a regular basis!”
“We said no nicely and I guess she was just there to try to use us because we never heard from her again.”
“I had already cooked dinner and entertained them.”
“We were young married people without children and working F[ull]T[ime].
“I’m not sure why people have children without the expectation of caring for them.” ~ RetiredNFlorida
“I think people don’t realize how relentless baby care is.”
“I can 100% understand why I’d want (not expect) someone else to interrupt their dinner to change the baby so that I could eat something hot for once.”
“However, this is the reality of baby care, and if both parents are there, there’s no excuse for asking anyone else to do it. NTA, but I feel for SIL; I wonder how much actual parenting the baby’s dad does.”
“By the way, I don’t notice your wife leaping up to change the baby, just criticizing you for not doing it.” ~ oddprofessor
“NTA. Really does feel like they’re using you guys.”
“I think the parents might actually fight about it at home.”
“Boundaries are healthy for everyone honestly.” ~ tango421
“I think you handled that amazingly well.”
“She sounds like she’s not used to anyone saying no to her and setting boundaries.”
‘Putting on the tears and ‘being selfish’ act is manipulation and it sounds like that worked on your wife, not you.”
“Nothing to feel bad about.”
“She sounds like a wanna-be princess.” ~ starship910
“Exactly. OP wasn’t rude, just firm.”
“The whole ‘you’re being selfish’ move was pure guilt-tripping, and honestly, it’s about time someone held a boundary with her.”
“Changing a diaper isn’t a huge ask, but being expected to parent someone else’s kid constantly?”
“That’s a hard no.” ~ HarmonnySerenade
“NTA. The parents were there and capable of changing the diaper.”
“That is their responsibility.”
“Anyone else that does it is a kind gesture.”
“I would set the exact same boundary.” ~ xzxinflamesxzx
“NTA, but then why didn’t your wife step in and offer to change the diaper?”
“That’s right because she doesn’t want to do it either.”
“You have a massive wife problem.”
“She needs to shut this down with her family, not encourage it.” ~ Eastern_Condition863
“NTA – making sure the baby doesn’t come to harm by, say, rolling off a couch is the responsibility of any adult who sees an issue.”
“Basic hygiene and feeding needs are the problem of the parent.”
“If someone volunteers, then well and good.”
“Otherwise, no, that is a fair boundary.” ~ Timely_Egg_6827
“NTA… I’m a parent and no way would i expect someone else to change my kids nappies when i’m right there.”
“If they offer, that’s a different story, but it’s so tacky to ask.” ~ alphabetacheetah
“NTA. I remember my brother holding out his son and asking my mother if she wanted to change the diaper.”
“She sweetly said, I did my turn at that.”
“It’s your turn now.”
“She did babysit when asked and changed diapers then, but not while dad and mom were right there.” ~ ShazInCA
“NTA- I’m a mom to one-year-old identical twins. I do a LOT of diapers so does my husband; never once have we asked a dinner guest, or anyone for that matter, to change a poop for us or a wee for that matter. Ridiculous.” ~Shiner5132
“What strange requests. NTA.”
“You are not obligated to change a diaper if the parents are present.”
“SIL needs to have boundaries, and I’m surprised no one has brought them up.”
“She is very entitled.” ~ ResponsibleHuman64
“NTA. Also, parents shouldn’t be so willy-nilly about letting whoever changes their kids’ diapers.”
“I’m not saying you’re a creep or anything, but it’s their job to protect.”
“They need to do better.” ~ Which_Piglet7193
“NTA. She is wild to be asking people to change the diaper or watch the baby when the other parent is present or she can do it herself. WTF.”
“She is upset because she is embarrassed.”
“Hold firm and stand your ground.” ~ Less_Instruction_345
“NTA… sorry but if she wasn’t ready for the responsibility of having a kid she should never have had one!”
“And your wife and the family need to stop enabling this shitty entitlement of this woman.”
“Because she will only demand more and more from others for her kid when it’s her and the father’s responsibility.”
“You set a perfectly appropriate boundary, and if she has a problem with it, then she needs to look in the damn mirror and learn how to be a proper parent!” ~ Miniwolf94
“Yuck. Sorry, no. Just…yuck.”
“I’m not a bio-parent, but if I were, I would never try to outsource that nasty job to someone who didn’t volunteer and who hadn’t agreed to babysit.”
“If I were in the middle of cooking, I might ask someone to keep an eye on the stove while I handled diaper duty.”
“Then if that person volunteered to change the baby instead so that I could keep cooking, I’d be eternally grateful.”
“But SIL was wildly inappropriate to ask OP, much less try to shame him for declining.”
“And if Wife is so gung-ho about helping with diaper duty… why didn’t SHE volunteer? NTA.” ~ mcdulph
“NTA. If you bring a child or animal over to my house, you’re responsible for cleaning up any messes it makes.”
“Expecting others to change your child’s diaper (or scoop your dog’s poop) is some weird entitlement.” ~ PlantSufficient6531
NTA in the slightest – you set a clear boundary, and SIL just didn’t like it. Your wife should have had your back!
“I would never ask someone to change my daughter’s nappy if I’m around to do it.”
“I’ve had my SIL call out to me that ‘[Daughter] has a bit of a smell’ – I don’t then say ‘lovely, would you mind sorting that out?!’”
“Instead, I thank her for the heads up, and either my Wife or I get to work!”
“HOWEVER, if both my wife and I are in the middle of something and a family member says, ‘I think [daughter’s] nappy needs changing, do you want me to do it?’”
“We’re not going to turn down a voluntary offer (e.g. if both my wife and I are still eating dinner and my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] has finished eating already).” ~ Toxo88
“NTA but your wife really is. She has no problem with her sister and B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw] using you.”
“They came to your home so they don’t have to parent their child and insist you have the special crackers the child likes?”
“Come on, your wife is a huge a**hole.”
“Either leave when they visit from no one or refuse their visits.”
“Stand up for yourself.” ~ lilyofthevalley2659
“NTA. You handled this perfectly.”
“‘Not trying to make you feel anyway, just telling you a boundary is all.'”
“That is respectfully declined without attempting to hurt anyone.”
“I am irritated she would even ask you to change baby’s diaper when she is right there and capable of doing it herself.”
“Not your ki,d not your responsibility.” ~ Nicknamewastoolong
“NTA. I love my siblings and changed their diapers all the time, but only if the parents were otherwise occupied (usually with another kid).”
“Asking someone to change your own kid’s (poopy!) diaper when you’re right there but don’t want to is selfish and entitled.”
“SIL has probably been doing this her entire life with many things and has never been called out on it before.” ~ metsfn82
“NTA. What is wrong with your SIL?”
“When we’re out with family, and it’s diaper time, I always take charge unless my husband is there and does it.”
“The parents take the yucky bits, that’s just how it goes.” ~ ladyrockess
“NTA, and good for you for not falling prey to the manipulation.”
“How entitled of her…” ~ RigsbyLovesFibsh
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your in-laws sound outrageously entitled.
It’s never a bad thing to stand up for yourself.
They can change their own kid’s diapers.