Some people are blessed with wonderful mothers who grow to also be wonderful mothers-in-law and grandmothers. Other people are burdened with mothers who will do anything to convince the world around them of how awful of a person their child turned out to be.
Only one of those types of moms deserves to be around their grandchildren, argued the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor This_Cycle740 did not have the best relationship with her mother-in-law, but while they were on a family trip, her MIL took things too far and threatened to call Child Protective Services (CPS) on her.
When she did that, the Original Poster (OP) knew there was no going back for her and her mother-in-law.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to speak to my mother-in-law (MIL)?”
The OP had a typical, frustrating mother-in-law… until the family vacation happened.
“I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law (MIL) in a little over two months.”
“This lady has always infuriated me, but in May, she took it too far.”
“We were traveling back from a family function, in separate vehicles, when she decided everyone needed a break. By everyone, she meant her and her sons. I was meant to stay in the car and not stretch my legs.”
“My husband and I have a two-year-old girl, who was well past asleep at this point. I got out of the still-running car and walked around the car so that I could stretch my legs and get some fresh air.”
The OP was shocked by how her mother-in-law reacted.
“This woman comes at me like she is on a war path, screaming and yelling, and telling me that she’s going to call the cops and CPS on me for leaving MY sleeping child in the car, that again was running, and walk around it.”
“I was never more than an arm’s length away from the car.”
“To avoid confrontation, I got back in the car and locked the doors.”
“She started screaming and yelling louder, hitting the windows with enough force to break them.”
“I rolled my window down and told her to stop.”
“She then got in my face and yelled at me that I’m a horrible mother and that I’m worthless and that she’s going to take my daughter away from me.”
“My husband came outside at this point and told her that she needed to get back in her vehicle before she got her a** kicked.”
Though the OP’s husband defended her at first, he later expected her to drop it.
“My husband stood behind my decision not to speak to her at first. Now, because his mother is manipulative, he thinks I should just forgive her and move on.”
“I told him I don’t forgive her, I won’t forget, and after six years of marriage, if she can’t treat me any better than that, then we (our daughter and I) don’t need her in our lives EVER. Or him.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned why the OP’s husband was still speaking to his mother after what she did.
“Your husband can have a relationship with her if he wants. All visits will have to be somewhere else because she is not to set foot in your home. And you and your daughter will not have a relationship with her. Will not be celebrating any holidays or birthdays with her, nor buying any gifts.” – MommaGuy
“NTA. She honestly sounds unhinged. Is she freaking out like this on anyone else? There could be a biological reason, be it mental or physical, like a brain tumor.”
“Whatever the reason, stay far away and protect your baby girl. And if she does anything else, let the police know so it’s on record.”
“Hopefully, your husband will get this straightened out immediately as she’s dangerous.” – SnooCauliflowers9874
“NTA and wow, she’s certainly doesn’t sound stable enough to be around. She sure as heck isn’t for your two-year-old.”
“What if she’d been awake to have seen Grandma’s meltdown? Whatever she’s whispering in your husband’s ear, you need to simply remind him of every bad time you three have had together. ESPECIALLY if any came right after he convinced you to ‘move on’ previously.” – Owenashi
“You don’t forgive for her OR your husband’s sake but for yours. Also, forgiveness does not mean that you resume the relationship (i.e. ‘all’s forgiven, access denied’). The way that this is explained, I would not take any of her calls; send her to voicemail.”
“I’ve been told on Android, you can set a contact to have no ring/text tone and on iPhone, you can download silent tones. I’d only do this because if it’s a real emergency, you are aware but she’s not disturbing your day. You can check vm at your leisure.”
“Then I’d explain to hubs that other than extended family events, you and the children will not be attending, no more vacations, and if it is ever that she speaks poorly in front of your children, she’s out – no coming back. He can visit his mom with the children so long as he is there with them but they cannot be left with her.”
“Let her go, OP. Don’t allow her any real estate in your mind or emotions. Be glad that you’re not her.” – Additional-Aioli-545
“CPS is not only a threat but indicative of how she plans to escalate, and she is outright telling you that. MIL wants to punish op for standing up to her. MIL does not acknowledge that her own actions are/were harmful, and her intent is to cause more harm and get others (CPS) to help her.”
“If anyone else had done this, say your mother, would your husband feel the same, h**l no. It would be a fight to the death to protect his family, so why is Mommy Dearest allowed to sweep her actions and threats away? She is not and needs stronger consequences and action.”
“MIL needs to earn her way back. So what has MIL done? Has she apologized and owned her violent behavior and threats? What action has she taken, like is she going to anger management or therapy to address her violence and threats?”
“So, if MIL has done nothing but gets to re-enter your life, what does that tell her? It tells her that all she has to do is whine to your husband long enough to wear him down until he caves, and she can then do whatever she wants, to whoever she wants, and the only price for that is a time out.”
“Not making her earn her way back is the same as enabling her, you get nowhere but a whole lot more of the same and worse. MIL is a b**b waiting to go off.”
“Opinion: Force her into weekly anger management/therapy with receipts, with no contact for one year. After one year, she might be granted supervised visits with you and your daughter with your husband present.”
“I doubt she will be willing and throw a huge tantrum at the suggestion, which means she is not willing to do the work, and that is both a choice and an answer to the problem of her being in your life.” – Dismal-Remote-3906
Others agreed and stated the MIL would have been out their lives the minute she threatened their children.
“The minute she threatened CPS, that should have been the end of the relationship. NTA.” – Annoyedredheadedmom
“She severed the relationship forever when she threatened CPS. I get your husband wants his mother in his life, but he needs to tell her again she was wrong and reiterate she blew it.” – ncjr591
“She’s done. She made her threats and abused you.”
“Your husband better decide where his future is. That manipulative cow that birthed him. OR you and his child.”
“There would be no discussing this or her ever again. She doesn’t exist. She deserves NOTHING from you ever.”
“And if your husband has words to say to you otherwise, you send him to these posts. NTA.” – grayblue_grrl
“NTA. And I’d lawyer up. I’d have some sort of statements somewhere with a legal person saying that she was violent and made that threat.”
“So if CPS is called for no reason in the future, they know who to look at. Your husband needs to consider VERY CAREFULLY if he wants to expose your daughter to the same shit he’s getting.” – Horror-Option-7416
“NTA. Tell husband, The moment she threatened to take my child away was the moment she made the choice to never see my child again. Period.”
“I will not be threatened. I will not let my child grow up seeing her mother be abused and her father expecting me and her to just deal with said abuse. I will not let your mother turn her abuse onto my child.”
“The fact that you want me to forgive her for threatening to take my child from me. She beat hard enough on a window while in a rage that if it had shattered, it could have seriously hurt our child.”
“And what then. Would you expect me to forgive if she had hit me? If she scared our child in her rage. What about if she hurts our child? The fact that you are putting her wants above my and our child’s needs is not only concerning. It’s becoming a deal breaker.”
“So you can accept that or not, but know I will protect my child from all dangers. Your mother is a danger. If you won’t protect our child, I will protect you from you as well. Because your mother is not and will never be more important than your child.”
“So decide whether you are a father and husband. Or a weak-willed momma’s boy. Because that choice will decide how much you are actually in our lives.”
“This isn’t about forgiveness. This isn’t about understanding. This is about you showing that you will not let anyone abuse us. That you will not expect us to be abused. This is about showing our child she can trust us to keep her safe.” – tiny-pest
The subReddit was appalled by how the OP had been treated, especially on this trip, and there was no question in anyone’s minds that the OP’s husband needed to step up and create a safe boundary between his mother and his family.
Otherwise, one thing was for certain: If the husband would not choose the OP and their daughter, then the OP would have to choose herself and her child, for safety’s sake.
To escalate like this over such a small matter on a relaxing famliy vacation was nothing short of a million toxic red flags.