Being in possession of privileged information can be very dangerous.
It puts you in an unexpected, almost uncomfortable, place of power with what you can do with it.
Even though this info was given to you in confidence and was for your ears only, the temptation to tell just one more person can be impossible to resist.
Doing so, however, always has consequences.
Redditor NoBanana3231was soon to be married.
Unfortunately, ahead of her wedding, the original poster (OP)’s soon-to-be sister-in-law (SIL) shared a secret the OP and her fiancée were saving to tell their nearest and dearest when they found the right moment.
Resulting in the OP’s SIL losing her invitation to the wedding.
After being accused of overreacting by her future in-laws, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for uninviting my sister-in-law from my wedding after she leaked my pregnancy?”
The OP explained why she revoked her SIL’s invitation to her wedding:
“I (26 F[emale]) am 10 weeks pregnant.”
“My partner (28 M[ale]) and I told our immediate families early but made it VERY clear we weren’t telling anyone else until after the first trimester.”
“Last night, my fiancé’s sister (29 F[emale]) posted a story on Instagram.”
“It was a ‘get ready with me’ for a family dinner we had LAST weekend.”
“She then causally indirectly talks about becoming an auntie.”
“She tagged me and my fiancé.”
“I saw it when I got a notification that I was tagged.”
“I had over 50 messages from distant friends and coworkers before I could even process it.”
“We hadn’t even told our friends yet.”
“I was totally mad, called her screaming.”
“She tried to say it was ‘an accident’ and that she ‘forgot’ and she was just teasing.”
“I told her she was uninvited from our wedding.”
“She cried, my future in-laws are furious, saying I’m overreacting and ‘ruining the family’ over a ‘silly social media post’.”
“They say I should just be happy people are excited.”
“My fiancé is on my side.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for disinviting her SIL from her wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s SIL willfully stole the OP’s thunder, and she might very well have done the same at the wedding, thus making her exclusion well earned:
“NTA.”
“Not only did she go against your wishes, she also took away your joy of making that announcement yourselves.”- Niccon43
“NTA, and your in-laws’ reaction says it all.”
“You made it clear you wanted NO ONE to know other than those you personally told.”
“After your SiL told everyone, your in-laws said you should just be happy people are excited.”
“I would seriously rethink how involved I want them in my child’s life after this.”
“Apparently, your boundaries and wants mean nothing to them.”- JustAsICanBeSoCruel
“NTA.”
“You can’t get what should have been a joyful moment back.”
“There will be many more, but she had no right to take this from you and your fiancé.”
“It clearly wasn’t an accident; she chose to post and tag you.”
“I would only rethink about re-inviting her to your wedding if she gives you a true, full apology, and this is not one of a pattern of similar issues.”
“Congratulations on the pregnancy and upcoming marriage.”
“I hope it goes smoothly for you, and things with the in-laws calm down soon.”- scratchypancake
“NTA.”
“You don’t accidentally film yourself getting ready and then accidentally talk about becoming an auntie.”
“You also don’t accidentally tag people in your Instagram story.”
“She knew you wanted it kept private, she just didn’t care.”
“If she had actually forgotten, she would be apologising to you.”- lovesorangesoda636
“NTA.”
“At all.”
“However, IF you want to calm the family ruckus down, you could offer her a chance to earn her invite back.”
“All she would have to do is delete the post and make another apologizing for sharing news she knew she shouldn’t, just to get likes and comments.”
“The new post has to go up immediately and stay up through the wedding.”
“If she does that, she can attend.”- FollowThisNutter
“NTA.”
“Your wedding, your guest list.”
“Your fiancé is in your side and that is all you need.”- MmaRamotsweOS
“NTA.”
“She didn’t just make a ‘silly post’, she deliberately stole a monumental moment from you that you can never get back.”
“The trust is completely broken, and your wedding day should be filled with people who respect you, not those who cause you stress.”
“Anyone calling this an overreaction is completely missing the point of your betrayal.”- gojimjam
“NTA, your sister in law needs to learn consequences.”
“You don’t just make a video and make an announcement.”
“She’s an idiot and needs to learn how not to be.”- V-King3000
“NTA.”
“I would rescind her invitation as well.”
“Who does what she did?”-rjtnrva
“NTA.”
“My husband’s best friend’s wife does this all the freaking time.”
“Told our engagement and pregnancies.”
“Gossips gonna gossip cause they don’t have anything interesting of their own.”
“It’s rude AF.”
“It just hammered in that I’m grateful I have my own friends and don’t need to depend on the ‘wives’ of his friends for true friendship.”- WeAreAllMycelium
“NTA, not only did she mention it on her story, she also tagged you and fiancé as well, so she clearly knew what she was doing, uninviting her is a good idea in case she tries to pull another ‘accident’ at the wedding.”- OpinionUnique7017
“NTA.”
“It was not a silly post.”
“It was a breach of trust post.”
“With good reason, you did not want to make a general announcement at 10 weeks.”
“But your SIL has stolen your moment.”
“Your announcement to others that you are becoming parents.”
“She did not accidentally breach your trust and then tag you.”
“She wanted to be the one to tell everyone your good news.”
“And her enabling parents are angry with the wrong person.”
“You keep the confidences of people.”
“Especially loved ones.”- Individual_Metal_983
“NTA.”
“Who even does that to someone?!”
“She knew it was supposed to be secret.”
“Especially because you’re still very early on in the pregnancy.”
“It’s placing on you extra unneeded stress.”- Gryffindor123
“And that friends, is one of the biggest reasons why my fiancé and I tell his family nothing.”
“NTA.”- notrobert7
“NTA.”
“Actions have consequences.”
“Our first pregnancy …ignorant lad I was.. I announced it with pride at an event of five hundred ..small town stuff.”
“It spread like a virus in an elementary school.
“We lost the baby 3 weeks later…. over the next year, people asked… asked my parents… asked my wife… nobody knew we lost it.”
“The pain would be brought back each time.”
“Funny how people share a birth or baby announcement but not a death.”
“My wife took it hard each time.”
“Thus only inner circle needs to know, and your aunt clearly is now not in it.”- TheOriginalTarlin
“Let’s say best case scenario and this was truly accidental, like your family seems to think.”
“They don’t seem to grasp the seriousness of this ‘accidental reveal’ at all.”
“What if it goes wrong?”
“She just made what should have been a private grieving into everyone’s business.”
“Ten weeks is still a fragile period.”
“Even if you are able to celebrate all the milestones in a pregnancy, she did steal your moment.”
“So even in the best case scenario, with the best case outcome, this is serious.”
“Even if it was truly accidental, this was not an ‘oopsie’ thing to do.”
“Your sister and family should grasp this requires a serious apology.”
“That people are happy and excited does NOT negate the need for a serious apology: she stole your moment at best and made it so much worse if things go wrong.”
“However it sounds like this whole ordeal was motivated by your sister’s need to steal your thunder and without any thinking about the consequences if it goes wrong.”
“The need to steal your thunder likely overruled any risk assessment of sharing this news prematurely.”
“It sounds like a manipulative, jealous sister who tried to be sneaky with ‘plausible deniability’.”
“It is saying a whole lot that your family doesn’t see what harm and potential harm this has caused.”
“Even unintentionally, even just as an ‘oopsie, I was just too excited’, the harm that has been caused and the risk of further harm should have been acknowledged.”
“Uninviting her for the wedding sounds like a very reasonable reaction.”
“Even if it causes drama now, hopefully at least you’ll be able to celebrate that milestone in peace.”
“If I were you, I’d seriously ponder the need for anyone defending your sister at your wedding.”
“I wish you and your family all the best and all the best with your pregnancy.”
“NTA.”- Electronic_Menu_6937
Perhaps the OP’s SIL is very excited about being an “auntie”.
However, everything about her social media post suggests that she was thinking about no one but herself.
The fact that her own brother no longer wants her to come to the wedding should be all the message she needs that she has crossed a major line.